When did structure become a bad thing?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
When did structure become a bad thing?
1698
Fri, 07-30-2004 - 8:19am
I am reading the thread about freewheeling nannies below and I hafta say, I just don't get this whole no structure thing. My kids have always thrived on structure. THey liked the predictablity of when things were going to happen. Sure, it has not been a problem to deviate, but what I am reading in some posts is that no structure at all seems to be looked on as optimal, while imposing structure to a child's life is viewed as bad parenting.

We used to live next door to a "no structure" family. The kids ran wild in the neighborhood, the mom never planned dinner so lord only knows if and when the kids ate. Sorry, I don't think that's a good way to live. My kids know we eat dinner at 6:30, so they have to be home.

I can see taht you wouldn't demand that an infant go to bed and wake up at precisely the same time, but is there ever a time to impose structure on a child? So lets say you are the freewheeling type and have always doen things whenever. What happens when you send your child to school where the bell rings at the same time every day?

As far as activities, I realize all kids are different, but when my kids were little, if we just did whatever, whenever, my kids woudl end up grumpy and overtired. My experience is that if say, we were at the beach and I say, oh heck, let's just stay later, the kids woudl be happy at first, but by the days end I would end up with whiny, overtired kids.

Maybe I'm just misinterpreting what I am reading, but I personally think structure is a good thing. When children are small, the structure includes naptimes, mealtimes, etc. As they get older it evolves into boundaries like "be home at 6 for dinner" or "you can't go into soemones house without telling me first". I couldn't imagine living without structure or boundaries for my kids.

Susan

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 1:00pm

First of all, the post I responded to was written 22 hours before the post you're referring to. . .


Second of all, just because someone doesn't set an artifical 'limit' level to something doesn't mean they engage in unlimited participation.

Virgo
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 1:33pm
I think you mean "the bard" (Shakespeare), not "the Bart" (Simpson).
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 1:35pm
Sure, I've watched childrens programs with my kids. But not for 3 hrs a night.

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2003
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 1:42pm
And apparently the fruit and vegetables in georgia are dirt cheap as no one is buying it. I heard they are practically giving it away.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 1:44pm
LOL, I think you have completely misunderstood my points, or just havent read my posts on the subject. I've said several times, my problem isnt with tv per se, its the excessive amount of tv watched, the sedetary lifestyle, and the unhealthy diet. And the biggest part is her proclamation that there is nothing wrong or unhealthy with how they are living.

And I dont even know what you are talking about that she didnt invent the happy meal?? My point WAS that even if something is available and advertised as the greatest thing ever, doesnt mean its appropriate or healthy-LIKE THE BABY EINSTEIN VIDEOS. Get it? Just because they are out there doesnt make it a great choice to run out and buy one.

What do we do in the hours after dinner? Well for one, there arent that many. We eat at 5 or 6 and everyone is usually in bed by 9-930. We read, listen to music, go for walks, bike ride, sit on the deck and talk, play ball in the driveway, talk on the phone to friends and family, have family over to the house, play a board game, go up to the park, go to the lake and feed the ducks, in the winter we sometimes go sledding or up to the school to go ice skating, go to the high school and go to open swim at the pool-I can think of a zillion activities besides tv...I'm certainly not saying we *never* watch tv. But we sure as heck dont make a HABIT of watching 3hrs a night 7 days a week. I can think of better ways to occupy my time, and my kids time.

dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2003
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 1:46pm
That's what I was saying below about how easy it is to get complacent when you're young. Especially when you are "still" healthy. Problems like cholestoral, high blood pressure, more weight gain don't start creeping up until you are in your 40's and 50's.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 1:47pm
You said that the food served at the party was normal as far as its what *everyone* you know *always* eats and what you see them buying at the grocery store. Which is why I asked, if these people and you are buying nothing but garbage, do you consider that healthy and acceptable? Do you really consider Mcdonalds a healthy food choice????????

dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2004
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 1:49pm
that's JUST what i had been thinking! 3 HOURS per NIGHT of CHILDREN's programming???? UGH, i'd need to have my head examined or be checked into that white room with the padded walls, LOL!

eileen

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 1:54pm
Your mother is a registered NURSE and she raised you to think that your lifestyle choices are HEALTHY?????

Okay, now I have heard everything

dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 1:57pm
So this is how your children and your sisters children eat too? You are saying that the food served is okay to eat on a regular, daily basis and is a healthy choice???? And your dh is a pediatrician who supports these food choices???

I cannot even believe anyone could say that its OKAY to eat like this. It is just amazing to me. Not necessarily surprising, like I said, the state our country is in shows that a large portion of the population must feel this way.

dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

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