When did structure become a bad thing?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
When did structure become a bad thing?
1698
Fri, 07-30-2004 - 8:19am
I am reading the thread about freewheeling nannies below and I hafta say, I just don't get this whole no structure thing. My kids have always thrived on structure. THey liked the predictablity of when things were going to happen. Sure, it has not been a problem to deviate, but what I am reading in some posts is that no structure at all seems to be looked on as optimal, while imposing structure to a child's life is viewed as bad parenting.

We used to live next door to a "no structure" family. The kids ran wild in the neighborhood, the mom never planned dinner so lord only knows if and when the kids ate. Sorry, I don't think that's a good way to live. My kids know we eat dinner at 6:30, so they have to be home.

I can see taht you wouldn't demand that an infant go to bed and wake up at precisely the same time, but is there ever a time to impose structure on a child? So lets say you are the freewheeling type and have always doen things whenever. What happens when you send your child to school where the bell rings at the same time every day?

As far as activities, I realize all kids are different, but when my kids were little, if we just did whatever, whenever, my kids woudl end up grumpy and overtired. My experience is that if say, we were at the beach and I say, oh heck, let's just stay later, the kids woudl be happy at first, but by the days end I would end up with whiny, overtired kids.

Maybe I'm just misinterpreting what I am reading, but I personally think structure is a good thing. When children are small, the structure includes naptimes, mealtimes, etc. As they get older it evolves into boundaries like "be home at 6 for dinner" or "you can't go into soemones house without telling me first". I couldn't imagine living without structure or boundaries for my kids.

Susan

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2004
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 1:59pm
We watch child appropriate television.

Not all of it is Dora explorer.

Bewitched, Addams Family, Cosby, etc.

Paige

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 2:02pm
Where did I say that??? I was specifically speaking of Paige's lifestyle choices. I never commented on whether or not you exercise-she has freely admitted, in this thread and in others, that neither she nor her dh exercise.

dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2004
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 2:02pm
I don't know where you are going with this.

I buy & serve fruits & vegetables every week.

Where did I say I didn't?

We do eat quick foods that go from the freezer to oven. Not every night. Didn't say we did. Last night we grilled mahi mahi & we steamed vegs for the side & picked up a watermelon to go with it when we all went to the grocery yesterday.

You misunderstood I'm guessing?

Paige

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2004
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 2:03pm
I know we don't feel it is a crappy example.

Maybe she & her dh don't either.

We see no reason to limit either.

Paige

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2004
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 2:04pm
and yet again, 3 HOURS of any of that PER NIGHT would drive me batty. Didn't i see somewhere that you also watch the news during this 3 hour span? I find the news HIGHLY inappropriate for children of most ages -- even my 12 year old son. It's all graphic and scary and dark stuff.

eileen

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2004
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 2:05pm
We do family things together, read, dd runs & plays, we play games, take her over to the playground, etc. for 3 1/2 hours before we sit down in our pjs to eat dinner & have family tv time until she goes to bed at 10.

Then dh & I have couple time for awhile.

Paige

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2004
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 2:07pm
Yes. My mother is a registered nurse. Has been since before I came along.

She has always WOHFT. Still does today. I've never known a time when she was not working.

She works at the local hospital.

Paige

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 2:08pm
Ugh not me. I think an extremely thin, non muscular person looks just as bad as someone who is obese-and they can sometimes have WORSE health problems.

While genetics can come into play to a certain degree, to tout an unhealthy lifestyle as acceptable, to raise ones child on a diet heavy in the happy meal department, is irresponsible, imo. Not just as a parent, but as a functioning member of society. What if her dd develops health problems down the road in relation to her poor diet? What if SHE herself develops health problems as she ages (I keep thinking about osteoperosis here) that requires her dd to have to care for her, or requires extensive medical treatment? We cant always help bad things happening, but to KNOWINGLY live this way and not CARE????

Its no different than a pack a day smoker. They certainly have the choice in life to do whatever they want, but do you think it would be acceptable for them to go around saying that there is nothing UNHEALTHY about smoking?????

dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2004
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 2:08pm
We live in Georgia now. Previously lived in Tampa, Daytona, St. Augustine & Columbus. A couple other places very short term when we first married.

Glad to be back at home & near family.

Think you appreciate them even more when you live far away for awhile.

Paige

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 2:10pm
When I see a child with a soda can, I *swear* I can hear their teeth rotting.....

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

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