When did structure become a bad thing?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
When did structure become a bad thing?
1698
Fri, 07-30-2004 - 8:19am
I am reading the thread about freewheeling nannies below and I hafta say, I just don't get this whole no structure thing. My kids have always thrived on structure. THey liked the predictablity of when things were going to happen. Sure, it has not been a problem to deviate, but what I am reading in some posts is that no structure at all seems to be looked on as optimal, while imposing structure to a child's life is viewed as bad parenting.

We used to live next door to a "no structure" family. The kids ran wild in the neighborhood, the mom never planned dinner so lord only knows if and when the kids ate. Sorry, I don't think that's a good way to live. My kids know we eat dinner at 6:30, so they have to be home.

I can see taht you wouldn't demand that an infant go to bed and wake up at precisely the same time, but is there ever a time to impose structure on a child? So lets say you are the freewheeling type and have always doen things whenever. What happens when you send your child to school where the bell rings at the same time every day?

As far as activities, I realize all kids are different, but when my kids were little, if we just did whatever, whenever, my kids woudl end up grumpy and overtired. My experience is that if say, we were at the beach and I say, oh heck, let's just stay later, the kids woudl be happy at first, but by the days end I would end up with whiny, overtired kids.

Maybe I'm just misinterpreting what I am reading, but I personally think structure is a good thing. When children are small, the structure includes naptimes, mealtimes, etc. As they get older it evolves into boundaries like "be home at 6 for dinner" or "you can't go into soemones house without telling me first". I couldn't imagine living without structure or boundaries for my kids.

Susan

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2004
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 2:11pm
The "so" made it sound like I was generalizing.

I meant "so as in so what" she does not like sports. I think people, men or women, boys or girls, who don't like sports, viewing or participating, are not losing out on anything at all.

People & kids can be active & exercise in other ways.

Paige

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2003
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 2:12pm
Everything? Oh, I doubt it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2004
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 2:15pm
We watch the news after dd goes to bed.

Dh & I have our tv time to watch news & shows that are not child appropriate once she has been all tucked in.

We usually sleep with the tv on but we always like to see the late night local news before we go to sleep.

Paige

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2004
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 2:16pm
Not in a formal sense.

Meaning, we don't own equipment. We don't go to a gym.

Paige

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2004
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 2:20pm
We never think about the turning the tv off just because we are not going to be sitting down to watch the show.

You can leave it to child appropriate programming so that there is no worry of her viewing something she should not.

We turn the tv off when we leave the room, go outside, go someplace.

We sleep with the tv on. But the tv in the bedroom is only on when we are in there or it is turned off.



Paige

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2004
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 2:21pm
Then someone should really inform my healthy little skinny mom before she retires in a few short years.

Paige

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2003
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 2:23pm
The only thing I "understand" when it comes to your post is that you are unable to stay on one side of a story or opinion.

If EVERY mother you know serves only junk food at parties (like the one you described) and (since you are privey to what's in her grocery cart as you said above) at home, and at the beach, and at the park where you meet, I think it's a pretty good guess vegetable sales must be faltering. And you also made it quite clear that you were included in on that "everyone" group.


So get back to me when you can decide which is it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2003
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 2:31pm
She's a nurse. She *already* knows she got very lucky.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 2:33pm
In another thread, you responded to pnj that you *never* exercise. The only claim to any form of exercise you have made is you *go for walks*. And you have refused to expound on that in any way, which is fine, but dont expect anyone to believe otherwise if you refuse to answer any questions about it.

dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 2:37pm
I dont get it either. We go from *everyone eats this way, its just NORMAL in my life* to *well of course I serve fruits and vegetables, how can you think I dont*.

dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

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