When did structure become a bad thing?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
When did structure become a bad thing?
1698
Fri, 07-30-2004 - 8:19am
I am reading the thread about freewheeling nannies below and I hafta say, I just don't get this whole no structure thing. My kids have always thrived on structure. THey liked the predictablity of when things were going to happen. Sure, it has not been a problem to deviate, but what I am reading in some posts is that no structure at all seems to be looked on as optimal, while imposing structure to a child's life is viewed as bad parenting.

We used to live next door to a "no structure" family. The kids ran wild in the neighborhood, the mom never planned dinner so lord only knows if and when the kids ate. Sorry, I don't think that's a good way to live. My kids know we eat dinner at 6:30, so they have to be home.

I can see taht you wouldn't demand that an infant go to bed and wake up at precisely the same time, but is there ever a time to impose structure on a child? So lets say you are the freewheeling type and have always doen things whenever. What happens when you send your child to school where the bell rings at the same time every day?

As far as activities, I realize all kids are different, but when my kids were little, if we just did whatever, whenever, my kids woudl end up grumpy and overtired. My experience is that if say, we were at the beach and I say, oh heck, let's just stay later, the kids woudl be happy at first, but by the days end I would end up with whiny, overtired kids.

Maybe I'm just misinterpreting what I am reading, but I personally think structure is a good thing. When children are small, the structure includes naptimes, mealtimes, etc. As they get older it evolves into boundaries like "be home at 6 for dinner" or "you can't go into soemones house without telling me first". I couldn't imagine living without structure or boundaries for my kids.

Susan

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 3:12pm
I think anyone can have knowledge of the popular kids characters without watching kids programs for hours on end.

I knew who Barney, Elmo, etc were before I even had children. You'd have to live in a complete vacuum to not have some idea.

dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 3:12pm
This is where there's a huge difference between many FT WOHMS and other moms.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2002
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 3:15pm
If ANY doctor tried to tell me how I need to limit tv for my kids, it would be our last visit to said doctor.

Okmrsmommy-36, CPmom to DD-16 and DS-14

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 3:18pm

At YOUR house there's 2 hours "Absolute max" between the end of dinner and bedtime. . .at my house it's 3 hours at a minimum.

Virgo
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 3:22pm

No, I completely disagree.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2004
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 3:35pm
My mom or we don't eat a lot of fast food if you are talking about going to burger king.

Dh & I rarely eat out.

Mom & Dad rarely eat out.

But yes, we all eat fast food a few times a month.

My parents love tv.

Paige

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 3:41pm

I see both sides of this tangent of the discussion. . .yours and now OKMrs.'s.


I understand why it's important for pediatricians to discuss issues related to health and safety, but they are not child development specialists and shouldn't discuss aspects of children's growth and development with parents that aren't related to health and safety.

Virgo
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2004
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 3:44pm
We eat junk food.

We drink sodas.

We eat frozen boxed foods that go from freezer to oven to table.

We watch 3 hours of tv with our dd nightly. Then dh & I watch more tv after she is asleep.

We do eat out every now & then.

But yes, we still serve fruits, vegetables, make salads, and everything we eat (which I did not say otherwise) is not from a box.

We grill, I steam vegetables, we make a weekly stop at the farmer's market when we go grocery shopping on Saturdays.

Paige

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2004
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 3:46pm
You asked your pediatrician about tv viewing?

I ask a million questions that I'm concerned about on our regular check ups and especially the sick ones.

I'll have to say tv viewing is not one of them.

Paige

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2004
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 3:47pm
Again, we find similarity! ITA.

That would be the last visit to his office.

Paige

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