When did structure become a bad thing?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
When did structure become a bad thing?
1698
Fri, 07-30-2004 - 8:19am
I am reading the thread about freewheeling nannies below and I hafta say, I just don't get this whole no structure thing. My kids have always thrived on structure. THey liked the predictablity of when things were going to happen. Sure, it has not been a problem to deviate, but what I am reading in some posts is that no structure at all seems to be looked on as optimal, while imposing structure to a child's life is viewed as bad parenting.

We used to live next door to a "no structure" family. The kids ran wild in the neighborhood, the mom never planned dinner so lord only knows if and when the kids ate. Sorry, I don't think that's a good way to live. My kids know we eat dinner at 6:30, so they have to be home.

I can see taht you wouldn't demand that an infant go to bed and wake up at precisely the same time, but is there ever a time to impose structure on a child? So lets say you are the freewheeling type and have always doen things whenever. What happens when you send your child to school where the bell rings at the same time every day?

As far as activities, I realize all kids are different, but when my kids were little, if we just did whatever, whenever, my kids woudl end up grumpy and overtired. My experience is that if say, we were at the beach and I say, oh heck, let's just stay later, the kids woudl be happy at first, but by the days end I would end up with whiny, overtired kids.

Maybe I'm just misinterpreting what I am reading, but I personally think structure is a good thing. When children are small, the structure includes naptimes, mealtimes, etc. As they get older it evolves into boundaries like "be home at 6 for dinner" or "you can't go into soemones house without telling me first". I couldn't imagine living without structure or boundaries for my kids.

Susan

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2004
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 3:48pm
It has nothing to do with challenging our tv viewing habits.

It is that we are the parents & we feel we know what is best, not him.

Paige

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2004
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 3:51pm
I do WOHFT.

We are lucky that we both get home at the same time.

We have 6 1/2 hours with dd. Then we have another couple of hours for ourselves.

Paige

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2004
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 3:53pm
We do plenty enough of other things.

Dd likes those remodeling shows. She will watch them with dh & I.

Then she has witnessed us working on this house, she has seen the real thing.

Paige

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 3:56pm
But the pediatrician is the only child-related specialist to see every child (in theory - I suppose not all children actually have a pediatrician).

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 4:01pm
But you don't know best. Child life specialists and doctors know objectively "better" than parents, who are basing those decisions on their own upbringing and instinct.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 4:04pm

That's a pretty loose theory there. . .but I understand your point.

Virgo
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 4:05pm
Fast food isnt just burger king, it includes a lot of things you can buy at the grocery store-all chock full of preservatives, dyes, excess fat, nitrates, etc. Those *easy* freezer to oven meals tend to be VERY high in those additives. Do you read labels?

dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2002
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 4:06pm

Our family doctors job is to keep our children WELL.

Okmrsmommy-36, CPmom to DD-16 and DS-14

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2004
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 4:07pm
I was thinking about where the misunderstanding is coming from.

"everyone eats this way".

I'm referring to allowing their kids soda. Allowing snack cakes, candy bars, pop ups.

I'm not saying, for us, that we don't cook meals.

We may have a good dinner, as in grilled meat, vegs, salads, whathaveya M & T night and then have Sonic's burgers on Wed night. Then have mahi mahi & steaks on Th/Fr nights & stouffer's frozen lasagna & potato wedges on Sat nights served with a salad.

But it isn't that we never eat anything but processed foods that come to the house already cooked. It isn't that we never eat fruits, vegs, salads. We don't always eat chicken nuggets over a healthier choice like grilled chicken.

We & the people we know IRL are pretty much on the same line. With the exception of the couple that hosted the birthday party, I'd say they pretty much live on boxed food & burger king 7 nights a week for at least 2 of thehir 3 meals. She doesn't even cook when they invite us over to eat with them. With get something like a bucket of chicken w/the sides and biscuits from the local fast food chicken place.

Normal is the way I describe allowing oreos for a bedtime snack, allowing a dr pepper with dinner because she has had milk, water, juices & that is a treat. Normal is three hours of tv to us.

On the tv time thing. We do the things you keep mentioning as a family (playing outside, going to the park, playing barbies, reading to her, etc.) for 3 1/2 hours. By then we are ready to shower, put on our pjs, and sit down for some family tv time.

Paige

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2004
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 4:08pm
I do know best what I think for dd.

Paige

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