When did structure become a bad thing?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
When did structure become a bad thing?
1698
Fri, 07-30-2004 - 8:19am
I am reading the thread about freewheeling nannies below and I hafta say, I just don't get this whole no structure thing. My kids have always thrived on structure. THey liked the predictablity of when things were going to happen. Sure, it has not been a problem to deviate, but what I am reading in some posts is that no structure at all seems to be looked on as optimal, while imposing structure to a child's life is viewed as bad parenting.

We used to live next door to a "no structure" family. The kids ran wild in the neighborhood, the mom never planned dinner so lord only knows if and when the kids ate. Sorry, I don't think that's a good way to live. My kids know we eat dinner at 6:30, so they have to be home.

I can see taht you wouldn't demand that an infant go to bed and wake up at precisely the same time, but is there ever a time to impose structure on a child? So lets say you are the freewheeling type and have always doen things whenever. What happens when you send your child to school where the bell rings at the same time every day?

As far as activities, I realize all kids are different, but when my kids were little, if we just did whatever, whenever, my kids woudl end up grumpy and overtired. My experience is that if say, we were at the beach and I say, oh heck, let's just stay later, the kids woudl be happy at first, but by the days end I would end up with whiny, overtired kids.

Maybe I'm just misinterpreting what I am reading, but I personally think structure is a good thing. When children are small, the structure includes naptimes, mealtimes, etc. As they get older it evolves into boundaries like "be home at 6 for dinner" or "you can't go into soemones house without telling me first". I couldn't imagine living without structure or boundaries for my kids.

Susan

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2002
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 4:09pm
Yup yup yup.

Okmrsmommy-36, CPmom to DD-16 and DS-14

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2004
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 4:09pm
ITA. Paige
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2004
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 4:11pm
Yes, of course I know that. I was referring the restaurant side.

No, I don't read labels.

I also don't serve those type of meals every day.

Paige

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2004
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 4:12pm
We are new to our pediatrician's practice.

My pediatrician doesn't know whether I woh or sah. Much less our tv viewing habits.

Paige

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 4:24pm
But Virgo, are you really watch 3+ hrs of tv 7 days a week??? Coupling that with being sedetary and poor eating habits????

Like I keep saying, I dont have a problem with tv per se. We watch tv, I dont make huge restrictions on it. But I can certainly think of better things to do with family time than spending 3+ hrs watching tv.

I am really surprised, given your career and degree, that you support this.


dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2004
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 4:29pm
Do you just NOT understand we do OTHER things for 3 1/2 hours every evening BEFORE we watch tv??????

Do you just NOT understand we do OTHER things all day Sat & Sun BEFORE we watch tv??????

Sedarty would mean we stay sitted or seated majority of the time. Not this family!

Paige

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 4:30pm
None of this is really what you originally said. You have said clearly that eating lots of junk food was *normal* to you. You have said you dont exercise. Yet now you are trying to say something different. Which is it?

You dont seem to have a lot of knowledge about nutrition and what is or is not healthy either. Are you not concerned about making sound nutritious choices for yourself and child?

dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2004
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 4:35pm
You are soooo misunderstanding!

Yes, it is true. We eat lots of junk food. That is "normal" to us. We have pop ups for breakfast. We have soft drinks with our dinner, including dd. We have oreos, ho hos or something like that with our ice cream for bedtime snack. We do, say three nights a week have a frozen lasagna, frozen pizza, chicken tenders for our dinner.

But that does not mean (and I don't know why you think it does) that we don't buy, cook, eat vegetables, fruits, or better prepared meals.

We don't exercise. Meaning, we have no exercise equipment. We don't belong to a club or gym. Don't go to say an exercise class. But all three of us are not sitting around doing nothing, like you keep on & on about. When I said we don't exercise you took it that we don't do anything physical. Didn't you? You jumped to your own conclusion.

Paige

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2003
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 4:37pm
No we do not understand because you have yet to say what those other (besides walking) not "seated" things you do are. You have already said you don't excerise and that you don't participate in any sports. You don't have bikes because you are "thinking" of getting them. So exactly what are these healthy non seated or non sitting things you do.

And getting up from the couch to get more oreos can't be included.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 4:38pm

Do I sit and watch TV for 3+ hours, seven days a week. . .no.

Virgo
 

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