When did structure become a bad thing?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
When did structure become a bad thing?
1698
Fri, 07-30-2004 - 8:19am
I am reading the thread about freewheeling nannies below and I hafta say, I just don't get this whole no structure thing. My kids have always thrived on structure. THey liked the predictablity of when things were going to happen. Sure, it has not been a problem to deviate, but what I am reading in some posts is that no structure at all seems to be looked on as optimal, while imposing structure to a child's life is viewed as bad parenting.

We used to live next door to a "no structure" family. The kids ran wild in the neighborhood, the mom never planned dinner so lord only knows if and when the kids ate. Sorry, I don't think that's a good way to live. My kids know we eat dinner at 6:30, so they have to be home.

I can see taht you wouldn't demand that an infant go to bed and wake up at precisely the same time, but is there ever a time to impose structure on a child? So lets say you are the freewheeling type and have always doen things whenever. What happens when you send your child to school where the bell rings at the same time every day?

As far as activities, I realize all kids are different, but when my kids were little, if we just did whatever, whenever, my kids woudl end up grumpy and overtired. My experience is that if say, we were at the beach and I say, oh heck, let's just stay later, the kids woudl be happy at first, but by the days end I would end up with whiny, overtired kids.

Maybe I'm just misinterpreting what I am reading, but I personally think structure is a good thing. When children are small, the structure includes naptimes, mealtimes, etc. As they get older it evolves into boundaries like "be home at 6 for dinner" or "you can't go into soemones house without telling me first". I couldn't imagine living without structure or boundaries for my kids.

Susan

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2004
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 4:39pm
Yes, I have. Why don't you take some time to go look for them if you really want to know.

Paige

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 4:40pm
But that objective knowledge is about children IN GENERAL, but advice may vary from child to child based upon specifics and individual characteristics.

Virgo

Virgo
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2003
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 4:43pm
The only misunderstanding comes from the information in which you provide (lots of junk food & tv, don't exercise and evryone here is like us) and information in which you don't provide (You are alledgely active yet hate to exercise and hate sport & won't name one other thing besides walking you do) It's your fault for any misunderstandings. We can only go by what you write. If your story would just maintain some semblence of a straight line and non cryptic inforamtion maybe folks here wouldn't keep misunderstanding.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2003
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 4:53pm
Her playing with barbies and you guys playing board games is not non sedendary activities. You need to get those legs moving and heart pumping for it to count. Besides walking you haven't listed anything.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2003
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 5:03pm
Your tv time sounds very different than other posters who block out 3 hours of designated tv time with the family.

Keeping the tv on as background noise while you do other things (esp. exercise, which you do!) is very different than consciously sitting down and not engaging in any other activity BUT watching the screen.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 5:06pm
D'oh!! Thanks.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2004
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 5:09pm
Yes, I have. I've mentioned she runs, jumps, plays, bikes, goes to the playground, climbs on the monkey bars, cargo net, does gymnastics, dances, plays hopscotch, plays tag, we toss the ball around. You just missed it. Why, I don't know!

Here are a few of the links. Go find it.

I've included links about food/exercise since I was asked several times to repeat myself.

http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-pssahwoh&msg=13988.219

This one talks about exercise

http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-pssahwoh&msg=13988.219

http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-pssahwoh&msg=13988.231

http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-pssahwoh&msg=13988.233

http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-pssahwoh&msg=13988.249

responded to merrella that we do these things "We'd rather use that time to read, play games or go outside" during the first 3 1/2 hrs at home.

http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-pssahwoh&msg=13988.425

http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-pssahwoh&msg=13988.469

http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-pssahwoh&msg=13988.460

http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-pssahwoh&msg=13988.449

http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-pssahwoh&msg=13988.414

http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-pssahwoh&msg=13988.270

http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-pssahwoh&msg=13988.453

http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-pssahwoh&msg=13988.467

http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-pssahwoh&msg=13988.417

http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-pssahwoh&msg=13988.363

http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-pssahwoh&msg=13988.464

http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-pssahwoh&msg=13988.347

http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-pssahwoh&msg=13988.321

http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-pssahwoh&msg=13988.297

http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-pssahwoh&msg=13988.425

Paige

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2004
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 5:11pm
But we have spent 3 1/2 hours doing other things ever day before tv time.

Not good enough?

Paige

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2004
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 5:13pm
No, it isn't.

Nice try, won't fly!

Paige

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2003
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 5:32pm
None of those post mention anything *specific* *you* do with regard to exercising activities other than walking. It's a shame you wasted your time posting them. Even the second time I read them they still sounded the same. You walk. Nothing else specific.

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