When did structure become a bad thing?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
When did structure become a bad thing?
1698
Fri, 07-30-2004 - 8:19am
I am reading the thread about freewheeling nannies below and I hafta say, I just don't get this whole no structure thing. My kids have always thrived on structure. THey liked the predictablity of when things were going to happen. Sure, it has not been a problem to deviate, but what I am reading in some posts is that no structure at all seems to be looked on as optimal, while imposing structure to a child's life is viewed as bad parenting.

We used to live next door to a "no structure" family. The kids ran wild in the neighborhood, the mom never planned dinner so lord only knows if and when the kids ate. Sorry, I don't think that's a good way to live. My kids know we eat dinner at 6:30, so they have to be home.

I can see taht you wouldn't demand that an infant go to bed and wake up at precisely the same time, but is there ever a time to impose structure on a child? So lets say you are the freewheeling type and have always doen things whenever. What happens when you send your child to school where the bell rings at the same time every day?

As far as activities, I realize all kids are different, but when my kids were little, if we just did whatever, whenever, my kids woudl end up grumpy and overtired. My experience is that if say, we were at the beach and I say, oh heck, let's just stay later, the kids woudl be happy at first, but by the days end I would end up with whiny, overtired kids.

Maybe I'm just misinterpreting what I am reading, but I personally think structure is a good thing. When children are small, the structure includes naptimes, mealtimes, etc. As they get older it evolves into boundaries like "be home at 6 for dinner" or "you can't go into soemones house without telling me first". I couldn't imagine living without structure or boundaries for my kids.

Susan

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2003
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 5:35pm
Your right. Your post don't fly. That's why so many people "misunderstand" them.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 5:48pm
Do you have something against her? She's been pretty specific. Perhaps you haven't gone to a playground in a while, but 2 or 3 hrs at a playground and I know my children will sleep thru the night, exhausted. They're great exercise. That and biking sounds to me like a healthy level of activity for a 6 yr-old.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 5:49pm
So you're actually the one who needs the exercise after sitting all day? I don't know of any sahms who sit all day.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 5:55pm
I think I've understood your posts, I just find it strange that you and others here find Paige's habits strange. I'm still not convinced most families don't have the tv on for more than 2 hrs a day and don't often eat what is broadly defined as fast food.

You certainly are active after dinner. We are tapped out by dinner and if lucky, I'll get my children outside one more time. Usually we stay in after dinner, I hope it's the first time they're playing with the toys and books in one of the rooms in the house, otherwise, the tv goes on, hopefully more as background noise for about 2 hrs. Then bath or just bed.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2004
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 6:05pm
Thank you.

I'm not going to keep telling her the same thing over & over.

She is wasting her time asking again when I've answered more than once already.

Paige

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2004
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 6:07pm
Strange indeed.

We are tapped out by dinner. That is why we shower & put our pjs on early.

Dd doesn't need any more running, playing ball, going to the playground, biking kind of activities.

It is time to eat & then play quietly with her dolls and barbies.

Paige

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 6:12pm
Actually, I've found your posts quite consistent and refreshingly honest. I have lots of friends who have your eating and exercise habits, but they and their children are really skinny. I worry my children will have weight issues someday.

I think your big mistake was posting somewhere that you and DD are really skinny despite eating whatever you really enjoy. We never do really leave high school, do we?!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 6:14pm
I think we've solved it!
Avatar for outside_the_box_mom
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 6:28pm
I'm thankful our ped did tell us DS was watching too much TV. Why? Because he had put on too much weight. A combination of too much TV, not enough exercise and too many snack crackers and fruit juice meant DS had a good start for being obese. Just like his father, grandmother, and grandfather.

Because of our ped, DS had to go see a nutritionist for six months in order to get his weight down. I learned a great deal in those six months. One, I let the TV creep on and stay on. It's *easy* to keep it on. It's much harder to actually sit down and play Monopoly for an hour with a seven year old. Or chess. Or any game. DH has been building models with him. We try to do things that don't involve TV.

And I totally changed his diet, and mine, which DH thanked me for. He said, "I don't want my child growing up fat the way I did. NO ONE taught me good nutrition and no one in my family is disciplined the way you are."

All of this was very hard work -- and it's a constant process. And it wouldn't have happened without our pediatrician. If mine didn't keep us on track like this, I would find a new one.

outside_the_box_mom

Avatar for outside_the_box_mom
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 7:34pm
I'm with you on this one. Ours discusses everything from milestones to TV viewing to bedwetting. Ours asks about bike helmets, car seats, diet, and how he's doing in school. He also asks if DS is seeing the dentist (which he are, and he knows our dentist) and asked if DS had had his eyes checked.

I love our ped, BTW. And I love that he asks all these questions.

outside_the_box_mom

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