When did structure become a bad thing?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
When did structure become a bad thing?
1698
Fri, 07-30-2004 - 8:19am
I am reading the thread about freewheeling nannies below and I hafta say, I just don't get this whole no structure thing. My kids have always thrived on structure. THey liked the predictablity of when things were going to happen. Sure, it has not been a problem to deviate, but what I am reading in some posts is that no structure at all seems to be looked on as optimal, while imposing structure to a child's life is viewed as bad parenting.

We used to live next door to a "no structure" family. The kids ran wild in the neighborhood, the mom never planned dinner so lord only knows if and when the kids ate. Sorry, I don't think that's a good way to live. My kids know we eat dinner at 6:30, so they have to be home.

I can see taht you wouldn't demand that an infant go to bed and wake up at precisely the same time, but is there ever a time to impose structure on a child? So lets say you are the freewheeling type and have always doen things whenever. What happens when you send your child to school where the bell rings at the same time every day?

As far as activities, I realize all kids are different, but when my kids were little, if we just did whatever, whenever, my kids woudl end up grumpy and overtired. My experience is that if say, we were at the beach and I say, oh heck, let's just stay later, the kids woudl be happy at first, but by the days end I would end up with whiny, overtired kids.

Maybe I'm just misinterpreting what I am reading, but I personally think structure is a good thing. When children are small, the structure includes naptimes, mealtimes, etc. As they get older it evolves into boundaries like "be home at 6 for dinner" or "you can't go into soemones house without telling me first". I couldn't imagine living without structure or boundaries for my kids.

Susan

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2002
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 8:31pm
There is a big difference between a doctor discussing a growing weight problem with the childs parents and a doctor just generally lecturing parents on how much television their children watch.

Okmrsmommy-36, CPmom to DD-16 and DS-14

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 9:10pm
Well like I have said, I dont doubt that Paiges lifestyle and eating habits are the *norm* for a good portion of America. It explains why there is an epidemic of obesity. Did you know that in one of the southern states (It might even BE Georgia, lol!) that 1 out of 4 adults is clinically obese?

What I find strange is her insistance that its healthy and normal to eat a lot of fast food and be sedetary. I realize we are somewhat in the minority as far as how active we are (although I think there are a lot more people like me up here than there are down where Paige lives), and even have friends who are more the *fast food* type. But they arent so ignorant that they are going to talk up their lifestyle like it is something to strive for. She states that she doesnt read labels like that is something one should be proud of!!

dj


Edited 8/15/2004 9:15 pm ET ET by djknappsak

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 9:13pm
Nope, just took at face value what YOU said. You said, you *never* exercise in another thread. You have refused to say exactly WHAT you like to do activity wise. You certainly dont *have* to say, but dont accuse me of misunderstanding when you refuse to provide the information, and dont expect me to believe you are *active* when you really cant come up with any activity.

dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 9:19pm
LOL, you havent answered anything. In fact you keep saying you *refuse* to say exactly what YOU do to stay active. Taking your dd to the park doesnt really count as being *active*. For your dd its great, but you still arent saying what YOU do.

dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2003
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 9:22pm
And that's the whole point of this thread.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 9:26pm
We often have the tv on, but we put it on one of the music stations and listen to music rather than watch tv. We probably have our stereo on MUCH more often than the tv (except right now during the olympics, lol!)


dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 9:28pm
No, I wasn't clear or you misunderstood.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 9:31pm
Two thumbs up, OTBM.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 9:34pm
If one of your kids was not overweight, but was having trouble in school, would you switch peds if your current one inquired as to general amount of TV viewing in your home?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2004
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 9:35pm
Thanks.

I enjoy your postings.

I can't help that the people I know don't think & live like these people.

I can't help that we don't think & live like these people. Ok, I could help that by changing. Not interested though.

Paige

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