When did structure become a bad thing?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
When did structure become a bad thing?
1698
Fri, 07-30-2004 - 8:19am
I am reading the thread about freewheeling nannies below and I hafta say, I just don't get this whole no structure thing. My kids have always thrived on structure. THey liked the predictablity of when things were going to happen. Sure, it has not been a problem to deviate, but what I am reading in some posts is that no structure at all seems to be looked on as optimal, while imposing structure to a child's life is viewed as bad parenting.

We used to live next door to a "no structure" family. The kids ran wild in the neighborhood, the mom never planned dinner so lord only knows if and when the kids ate. Sorry, I don't think that's a good way to live. My kids know we eat dinner at 6:30, so they have to be home.

I can see taht you wouldn't demand that an infant go to bed and wake up at precisely the same time, but is there ever a time to impose structure on a child? So lets say you are the freewheeling type and have always doen things whenever. What happens when you send your child to school where the bell rings at the same time every day?

As far as activities, I realize all kids are different, but when my kids were little, if we just did whatever, whenever, my kids woudl end up grumpy and overtired. My experience is that if say, we were at the beach and I say, oh heck, let's just stay later, the kids woudl be happy at first, but by the days end I would end up with whiny, overtired kids.

Maybe I'm just misinterpreting what I am reading, but I personally think structure is a good thing. When children are small, the structure includes naptimes, mealtimes, etc. As they get older it evolves into boundaries like "be home at 6 for dinner" or "you can't go into soemones house without telling me first". I couldn't imagine living without structure or boundaries for my kids.

Susan

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2004
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 9:37pm
Yes! Next week dd has to start her 10pm bedtiime.

I love my job but I'd much rather dd & I spend our days the way we do the summers & weekends over getting up & getting out the door to be at school by 8.

I'm just thankful dh arrives home the same time we do so that we have that time between 3:30 & 7 to do things before we jump in our pj's & have our tv time for the rest of the evening.

Thanks again.

Paige

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2004
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 9:38pm
ITA. Paige
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2004
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 9:44pm
I swim every day.

I walk. This isn't the stroll kind of walk. The kind of walk where you burn calories. I have a little counter that tells me how many I burned on that trip.

I stretch, do floor exercises in the morning before showering.

I don't do formal exercising, as I said. No classes, never go to a gym, no equipment (treadmill, stair stepper, weights) at home.

I really don't know why you are concerning yourself so much that you just have to have an answer.

DD runs, plays, plays tag, climbs on monkey bars & cargo net, bikes, & likes to play tennis & throw around the ball with mom & dad.

We do those kinds of things for the 3 1/2 hours between the family arriving home & our tv time. I in no way feel guilty that we eat dinner in our pjs in front of the tv & we stay there until we go to bed. Not any guilt at all.

Paige

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2003
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 9:45pm
Not in my opinion, no.

I can see doing 3 hours on a Friday or Saturday night when you're watching a couple of movies. But nightly? Every single night blocking out "tv time" of that amount is excessive IMO (and in the opinion of many, many others except, it seems, the people in your "circle" and a minority of posters here)

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2003
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 9:46pm
>>What I find strange is her insistance that its healthy and normal to eat a lot of fast food and be sedetary.<<

Me too.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2004
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 9:47pm
We all get home by 3:30.

We swim, toss the ball, play tennis, walk down to the park where dd plays, she rides her bike, we work around the yard while she is playing. We read to her. Play a game.

Then we shower & put on our pjs.

I just don't see any problem with every night at 7 sitting down to eat & family night of tv when we have been active since we all 3 walked in the door until then.

Paige

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2004
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 9:48pm
We are not sedetary. Except during the tv time.

Paige

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2003
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 9:49pm
No, she hasn't. She has been asked what else she does besides walking that constitutes being active. She has never answered.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2002
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 9:51pm

First, we don't have a Ped, and never have. Well, except that first appointment for DD when she was....what 4 or 6 weeks old.

Okmrsmommy-36, CPmom to DD-16 and DS-14

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2003
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 9:53pm
Oh, *now* you swim everyday. LOL I was wondering how long you it would take you to come up with something. BTW, swimming is exercising. LOL

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