When did structure become a bad thing?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
When did structure become a bad thing?
1698
Fri, 07-30-2004 - 8:19am
I am reading the thread about freewheeling nannies below and I hafta say, I just don't get this whole no structure thing. My kids have always thrived on structure. THey liked the predictablity of when things were going to happen. Sure, it has not been a problem to deviate, but what I am reading in some posts is that no structure at all seems to be looked on as optimal, while imposing structure to a child's life is viewed as bad parenting.

We used to live next door to a "no structure" family. The kids ran wild in the neighborhood, the mom never planned dinner so lord only knows if and when the kids ate. Sorry, I don't think that's a good way to live. My kids know we eat dinner at 6:30, so they have to be home.

I can see taht you wouldn't demand that an infant go to bed and wake up at precisely the same time, but is there ever a time to impose structure on a child? So lets say you are the freewheeling type and have always doen things whenever. What happens when you send your child to school where the bell rings at the same time every day?

As far as activities, I realize all kids are different, but when my kids were little, if we just did whatever, whenever, my kids woudl end up grumpy and overtired. My experience is that if say, we were at the beach and I say, oh heck, let's just stay later, the kids woudl be happy at first, but by the days end I would end up with whiny, overtired kids.

Maybe I'm just misinterpreting what I am reading, but I personally think structure is a good thing. When children are small, the structure includes naptimes, mealtimes, etc. As they get older it evolves into boundaries like "be home at 6 for dinner" or "you can't go into soemones house without telling me first". I couldn't imagine living without structure or boundaries for my kids.

Susan

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2000
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 9:55pm

Ugh, Felicia, Spongebob?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2003
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 9:58pm
I know you don't see any problem with it, THAT'S the problem!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2004
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 9:59pm
Not unless we thought it was something health related.

I don't recommend to parents to talk to their peds.

Paige

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2004
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 10:01pm
I've been swimming everyday for years.

Yes, I know it is exercising.

I said I don't exercise in the formal sense (did you miss that AGAIN) as in equipment, going to a gym, participating in classes.

Swimming. I can't remember a time I haven't went swimming daily in weather permitting.

I'd love to have an indoor pool!

Paige

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2004
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 10:01pm
I answered. Although it is really none of your business, now is it?

Paige

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2004
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 10:02pm
Your problem. We don't have a problem!

Paige

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2000
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 10:09pm

I do ask my ped for advice - I also get a second opinion sometimes from a friend of mine who is a pediatrician, and has a 5 y/o, 3 y/o and newborn.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2003
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 10:13pm
Why would that be a mistake? I am a naturally thin person. Always have. And always will be (so there goes your little conspiracy theory. LOL) I can eat anything compared to most of the population out there without having to worry about gaining weight. It has always been that way for me. *However*, what my point has been throughout the thread is not gaining weight (being thin) and being healthy are two ENTIRELY different things.

My being thin is in *no way* indicative of my current health and my future health. The fact that I could eat ice cream every night (and believe me when I say I LOVE my haagen daaz!), junk food, sodas and have limited exercise doesn't make it healthy or a good lifestyle to be proud of.

You mentioned somewhere that a lot of people live like she describes. I am not disputing that for a second. All it takes is one look at our obesity problem with children and adults to see that that is true. Doctors today are saying that they are seeing health problens in children (diabetes, high blood pressure, cholestral problems) in children that they ONLY saw in adults. That is INSANE. The health problems are becoming epidemic.

Maybe what she is saying justifies your lifestyle. I don't know. But what I am saying is that she came in large and in charge about seeing nothing wrong with her eating the amount of junk and hating exercise (although apparently NOW she has been swimming everyday) and how EVERYONE from the beach to birthday parties eat junk food with nary a vegetable in sight. She saw NOTHING wrong with it. That's what I am disputing. The fact that she saw nothing wrong with it. And to constantly eat that way is not healthy and does in fact promote the above health problems.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 10:13pm
I can understand why you resent my questions. I was uncomfortable asking, if you must know. I just can't wrap my mind around some of your attitudes, that's all. I thought maybe there is something about you that is completely different than me (and most everyone I know) that would explain the whole disconnect. But it doesn't look like there is. Didn't it make sense for me to ask, though, to rule out those possible reasons for different outlooks? (It could be a "Mormon" thing or a "people who grew up near a toxic waste site" or a "everyone I know works in the television industry" thing for all I know.)

"I don't believe people have to be of a certain income level &/or college educated to be intelligent people who fully welll think out their parental decisions or any other life decision." I agree with you. But in general, people with education have better "tools" for making decisions and are more likely to be better informed. And sometimes, people who are struggling mightily to gain a foothold economically don't have a whole lot of mental energy to devote to less crucial matters such as nutrition and how one spends one's recreational time.

Perhaps it is merely a matter of our disparate abilities to respect and absorb information from media and popular culture. Maybe you are just not interested in "listening" to the messages sent out from various "experts" (like the Surgeon General, the AAP, the Center for Science in the Public Interest, etc.) and the rest of us are more sheep-like in our following of the recommendations of leading scientists and researchers.

Why do you think you are getting this strong response from people here on this message board?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2000
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 10:15pm

However, if you had a seriously overweight child, it WOULD be IMO the doctor's job to tell you that you need to change the child's diet, limit sedentary activities like tv viewing and video games, and help the child become more active.

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