When did structure become a bad thing?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
When did structure become a bad thing?
1698
Fri, 07-30-2004 - 8:19am
I am reading the thread about freewheeling nannies below and I hafta say, I just don't get this whole no structure thing. My kids have always thrived on structure. THey liked the predictablity of when things were going to happen. Sure, it has not been a problem to deviate, but what I am reading in some posts is that no structure at all seems to be looked on as optimal, while imposing structure to a child's life is viewed as bad parenting.

We used to live next door to a "no structure" family. The kids ran wild in the neighborhood, the mom never planned dinner so lord only knows if and when the kids ate. Sorry, I don't think that's a good way to live. My kids know we eat dinner at 6:30, so they have to be home.

I can see taht you wouldn't demand that an infant go to bed and wake up at precisely the same time, but is there ever a time to impose structure on a child? So lets say you are the freewheeling type and have always doen things whenever. What happens when you send your child to school where the bell rings at the same time every day?

As far as activities, I realize all kids are different, but when my kids were little, if we just did whatever, whenever, my kids woudl end up grumpy and overtired. My experience is that if say, we were at the beach and I say, oh heck, let's just stay later, the kids woudl be happy at first, but by the days end I would end up with whiny, overtired kids.

Maybe I'm just misinterpreting what I am reading, but I personally think structure is a good thing. When children are small, the structure includes naptimes, mealtimes, etc. As they get older it evolves into boundaries like "be home at 6 for dinner" or "you can't go into soemones house without telling me first". I couldn't imagine living without structure or boundaries for my kids.

Susan

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2000
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 10:21pm
Mine too! I love him!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2000
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 10:29pm


Wow, I guess I just have yet again a difference in how I raise my kids.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2003
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 10:43pm
Just got confused when you said, and I quote: "No, I don't exercise."

I can't figure out how I got the immpression that you didn't exercise. Oh, I know!! It's because you said "I don't exercise" Geez, I don't know why I would have thought that you exercised when you so CLEARLY stated that you didn't. Oh, maybe it's because in LATER post you backtracked, er , eh I mean said you didn't "formally" exercise. But no, wait, "I don't exercise" so clearly means what it says - no exercise. Whatever. LOL









iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2003
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 10:48pm
Absolutely. My peditrician is the same way. He sees my ds as a whole person not just a throat or heartbeat.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 10:48pm
Whose job is it then, to tell parents that their child is watching too much or inappropriate television? Obviously it is a problem in our society and I don't know who you expect is going to step in and help parents make the best choices for their children.

It would be really nice if it weren't necessary for doctors to comment on the television usage of their patients but the reality is in our country, under current trends, the problems that exist stemming from television and sedentary lifestyles are too great for good doctors to ignore and allow parents to navigate their way through the choices without any guidance. You can disagree with the doctor all you want but to say it is not his or her job to be concerned with television viewing is pretty naive.


Edited 8/15/2004 11:36 pm ET ET by suzymomm

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2004
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 11:04pm
Still tonight I don't see anything wrong with it!

Not one thing!

Paige

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2004
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 11:06pm
I really don't consider swimming exercise.

Technically, it is. But it doesn't feel like exercising.

Just floating around the pool, swimming a few laps, relaxing & enjoying it. Doesn't feel anything like exercise at all to me.

Whatever on the rest of your ramblings in that second paragraph. I didn't bother to read it. Waste of my time!

Paige

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2004
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 11:11pm
That's ok. I can't wrap my mind around the idea tht tv for 3 hours a night is bad & allowing sodas & junk food shouldn't be done unless it is in moderation & someone's definition of moderation other than mine.

I really & have wondered to why I have gotten the strong response. Puzzling to me.

I didn't go in to great detail of what we do for the first 3 1/2 hours we get home before we watch tv because I really don't feel it is anyone's business.

I didn't go in to what things I do that are not things where you just sit because I don't feel it is anyone's business either.

So I take a swim every day. Yes, that is technicallly exercise. But you know what? In the all the years, I've just never thought about it being exercise. It is relaxing and fun. It is just something I put my suit on, jump in the pool for awhile, get out & go on. I don't even think about it.

The sarcasm of a few posters (NOT YOU!!!) is wrong when it comes to hounding. I won't answer those posts. They are a waste of my time.

Paige

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2003
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 11:25pm
Well then don't be so surprised and offended when people take you for your word like "I don't exercise". You say something like that and people are going to *surprisingly* take it for face value. They are going to assume that you DON'T EXERCISE. Surprise, surprise.

So when you get all offended by the fact that people "misunderstand" you & think you lead a sedentary life that you say you don't. It's precisely because you say things like "I don't exercise" and don't add anything more to it. It's not their fault. It's yours for writing contradictory things.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2002
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 11:26pm
I think it CAN be a doctors job if there is a problem that could be related to it.

Okmrsmommy-36, CPmom to DD-16 and DS-14

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