When did structure become a bad thing?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
When did structure become a bad thing?
1698
Fri, 07-30-2004 - 8:19am
I am reading the thread about freewheeling nannies below and I hafta say, I just don't get this whole no structure thing. My kids have always thrived on structure. THey liked the predictablity of when things were going to happen. Sure, it has not been a problem to deviate, but what I am reading in some posts is that no structure at all seems to be looked on as optimal, while imposing structure to a child's life is viewed as bad parenting.

We used to live next door to a "no structure" family. The kids ran wild in the neighborhood, the mom never planned dinner so lord only knows if and when the kids ate. Sorry, I don't think that's a good way to live. My kids know we eat dinner at 6:30, so they have to be home.

I can see taht you wouldn't demand that an infant go to bed and wake up at precisely the same time, but is there ever a time to impose structure on a child? So lets say you are the freewheeling type and have always doen things whenever. What happens when you send your child to school where the bell rings at the same time every day?

As far as activities, I realize all kids are different, but when my kids were little, if we just did whatever, whenever, my kids woudl end up grumpy and overtired. My experience is that if say, we were at the beach and I say, oh heck, let's just stay later, the kids woudl be happy at first, but by the days end I would end up with whiny, overtired kids.

Maybe I'm just misinterpreting what I am reading, but I personally think structure is a good thing. When children are small, the structure includes naptimes, mealtimes, etc. As they get older it evolves into boundaries like "be home at 6 for dinner" or "you can't go into soemones house without telling me first". I couldn't imagine living without structure or boundaries for my kids.

Susan

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2002
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 11:51pm

yup, and that is exactly what I'm getting at!

Okmrsmommy-36, CPmom to DD-16 and DS-14

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2004
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 11:52pm
There is not one inconsistent statement, thank you very much!

She is asleep.

I think I've made it clear we have family tv time from 7 to 10. Dh & I watch adult tv after she goes to sleep. I've also stated that more than one time!

Dh & I usually watch tv together because we both like the same shows. He loves North Shore as much as I do. But sometimes he may want to watch something different or I will. Then we watch in separate rooms.

Paige

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2004
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 11:54pm
I guess you missed my post up above that I swim every day. Huh?

I also take brisk walks. Not the ones leisurely strolling along. The ones where you burn off calories & I have one of those little gizmos that tracks that. I've stated that also. Missed it, huh?

I have explained myself. Repeatedly to some people!

Paige

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 11:56pm
I know, I saw it. She doesnt exercise, she told pnj in another thread that she *never* exercises, yet suddenly in this 31/2 hrs a day of family time, she swims daily. Oh and did you notice that while they watch tv as a *family* from 7-10, they also are watching shows like *north shore* and *csi* in different rooms of the house....

I'm confused!


LOL

dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2004
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 11:58pm
I will explain this to you ONLY one more time DJ!

My comment to Felicia, you, and whoever else is that I don't do formal exercising. I don't own equipment. I don't go to a gym. I don't take an aerobics class.

All my life, when weather is permitting, I have went swimming daily. I really (although, yes, it actually is) don't consider it exercise. It is just relaxing, a way to enjoy myself.

Yah, I'll sit down in the floor & do stretches and floor exercises. I try to do them most mornings during the weekdays. I don't get up in time on the weekends. We sleep in to like 10. I don't really do them in the summer, again we sleep in until like 10. But when I have to get up & go to work, I do them while I'm watching the morning news.

No, ther are no inconsistencies. Just a problem with people reading apparently!

Paige

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2004
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 11:59pm
You are the one being inconsistent!

ROFL

Paige

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2002
Mon, 08-16-2004 - 12:01am

>>>Two points:
I thought I saw you mention earlier that your doctor was in charge of your child's well-being. Television can be related to a child's well-being. To not stay on top of the situation (even when there appears to be no pressing problem) is how doctors help people maintain their well-being. Ideally you address issues BEFORE they become problems. <<<


No, my kids doctor (as well as MY doctor, who just happen to be the same person) is responsible for keeping my child WELL.

Okmrsmommy-36, CPmom to DD-16 and DS-14

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2004
Mon, 08-16-2004 - 12:02am
DJ. You are the one with the problem with it. Not dh & I.

Only those who wish should live as we do. I don't think anybody should live like others unless it is their desire to do so.

Dh, dd & I shop on Sat mornings for groceries. We just go in & get it done.

I'm not uninformed nor am I ingorant as you so rudely & arrogantly put it.

I just have a different set of rules to live by than you. Maybe you should learn to deal that everyone doesn't do as DJ does.

Paige

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 08-16-2004 - 12:03am
Lol, so you watch MORE than 3 hrs of tv a night, in otherwords.

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2003
Mon, 08-16-2004 - 12:03am
Not repeatedly. You JUST popped up with the whole I swim everyday business. Of course some people actully believed you when you said "I don't exercise". They really took it to mean that you don't exercise.

You should put disclaimers on your statements' Like: Even though I say "I don't exercise" don't believe it for long because I will claim that I do, but not formally. And THEN I will get mad at you for believing what I originally said, which was "I don't exercise".

Pages