When did structure become a bad thing?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
When did structure become a bad thing?
1698
Fri, 07-30-2004 - 8:19am
I am reading the thread about freewheeling nannies below and I hafta say, I just don't get this whole no structure thing. My kids have always thrived on structure. THey liked the predictablity of when things were going to happen. Sure, it has not been a problem to deviate, but what I am reading in some posts is that no structure at all seems to be looked on as optimal, while imposing structure to a child's life is viewed as bad parenting.

We used to live next door to a "no structure" family. The kids ran wild in the neighborhood, the mom never planned dinner so lord only knows if and when the kids ate. Sorry, I don't think that's a good way to live. My kids know we eat dinner at 6:30, so they have to be home.

I can see taht you wouldn't demand that an infant go to bed and wake up at precisely the same time, but is there ever a time to impose structure on a child? So lets say you are the freewheeling type and have always doen things whenever. What happens when you send your child to school where the bell rings at the same time every day?

As far as activities, I realize all kids are different, but when my kids were little, if we just did whatever, whenever, my kids woudl end up grumpy and overtired. My experience is that if say, we were at the beach and I say, oh heck, let's just stay later, the kids woudl be happy at first, but by the days end I would end up with whiny, overtired kids.

Maybe I'm just misinterpreting what I am reading, but I personally think structure is a good thing. When children are small, the structure includes naptimes, mealtimes, etc. As they get older it evolves into boundaries like "be home at 6 for dinner" or "you can't go into soemones house without telling me first". I couldn't imagine living without structure or boundaries for my kids.

Susan

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
Mon, 08-16-2004 - 6:29am
Oh, lordy, but don't I feel like some of us never left high school.

Are you still going to claim my high school comment posted yesterday was incorrect? LOL

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
Mon, 08-16-2004 - 6:37am
Paige, hon, I so hear you about the swimming thing. Growing up, I took all of the classes and was even an American Red Cross water safety instructor. I taught swimming lessons and even taught life guarding. A daily swim is a luxury I can only dream about - and believe me I do dream about getting back into a pool. Not to swim laps. It's too boring. But, I'd love to tread water for mins, or dive to the bottom and do very poor sommersaults. Love it.

Stretching is imperative and something each of us must do - if nothing else - for a few mins. everyday until our dying days. Do I do it? No. But, I wish I took the time.

What adults call exercise (treadmill, stairstepper), I hate. But I do get the gym sometimes. I really only consider enjoyable the exercise that children seem to get these days - pick-up basketball games, soccer, even badminton would be great!

Avatar for outside_the_box_mom
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-16-2004 - 6:38am
DS sees his ped once a year for his annual physical. The doctor spends about 45 minutes with us. First DS gets his physical, where the doctor looks at everything from heart rate to posture to weight to ears. The entire time he is checking DS, he is asking me questions:

What is DS' diet?

How much exercise does he get? Does the school encourage exercise?

How is he doing in school?

Does he have any emotional problems that you're aware of?

When did he see the dentist last? Does your water have floride?

Have you had his eyes checked?

Have you had the "good touch/bad touch" talk yet?

And on and on and on.

Once the physical is done, we go into his office for more discussion. DS is wetting the bed -- what should be our plan of action? DS was overweight for his height last time -- any problems with obesity in the family? Yes? ok, time to see the nutritionist. How much TV does DS watch? 5 hours a day? Too much. How can we cut back? Is DS still in a car seat? Can DS tie his shoes?

Once we are done, he has a very firm knowledge of DS and how he's doing. I love our ped couldn't imagine not having him as my advisor.

outside_the_box_mom

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 08-16-2004 - 6:45am

coming in late, but I agree with you Virgo.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 08-16-2004 - 6:50am

I have watched the news with my children since they were born.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2004
Mon, 08-16-2004 - 6:54am
Yawn! I know what it means Dj. Paige
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2004
Mon, 08-16-2004 - 6:55am
Well Duh! We both want to watch something specific at the same time.

So we need two tvs.

Never happended to you, I'm guessing.

Paige

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2004
Mon, 08-16-2004 - 6:57am
I dealt with more mature people when I was in high school!

Paige

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2004
Mon, 08-16-2004 - 6:57am
Then, your wrong. :o) Paige
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2004
Mon, 08-16-2004 - 6:58am
I can only give you the facts.

Whether you accept them or not is your problem.

Paige

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