When did structure become a bad thing?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
When did structure become a bad thing?
1698
Fri, 07-30-2004 - 8:19am
I am reading the thread about freewheeling nannies below and I hafta say, I just don't get this whole no structure thing. My kids have always thrived on structure. THey liked the predictablity of when things were going to happen. Sure, it has not been a problem to deviate, but what I am reading in some posts is that no structure at all seems to be looked on as optimal, while imposing structure to a child's life is viewed as bad parenting.

We used to live next door to a "no structure" family. The kids ran wild in the neighborhood, the mom never planned dinner so lord only knows if and when the kids ate. Sorry, I don't think that's a good way to live. My kids know we eat dinner at 6:30, so they have to be home.

I can see taht you wouldn't demand that an infant go to bed and wake up at precisely the same time, but is there ever a time to impose structure on a child? So lets say you are the freewheeling type and have always doen things whenever. What happens when you send your child to school where the bell rings at the same time every day?

As far as activities, I realize all kids are different, but when my kids were little, if we just did whatever, whenever, my kids woudl end up grumpy and overtired. My experience is that if say, we were at the beach and I say, oh heck, let's just stay later, the kids woudl be happy at first, but by the days end I would end up with whiny, overtired kids.

Maybe I'm just misinterpreting what I am reading, but I personally think structure is a good thing. When children are small, the structure includes naptimes, mealtimes, etc. As they get older it evolves into boundaries like "be home at 6 for dinner" or "you can't go into soemones house without telling me first". I couldn't imagine living without structure or boundaries for my kids.

Susan

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 08-16-2004 - 6:58am

You don't think Ped's base their message on their own personal upbringing and beliefs?


In the Ped office that we go to, there is one Ped that would love to strangle any mother who decided to use formula and isn't into baby massage, carrying baby all the time (attachment parenting I believe) and thinks it is absolutely horrible if they do not co-share the bed.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2004
Mon, 08-16-2004 - 7:00am
Dh & I are home from 3:30 on.

There is more than plenty enough hours.

On school nights that is 6 1/2 hours BEFORE dd goes to bed. Non-school nights more unless she falls asleep with us in the l/r.

There is plenty enough time.

Paige

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 08-16-2004 - 7:04am

It's not that hard.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2004
Mon, 08-16-2004 - 7:05am
That is it exactly. Running, joggings, getting on a treadmill or stair stepper, going to an aerobics class is what I hate.

I'm not out there swimming laps back & forth. Yah, I may swim from one to the end a couple of times, or a little more if I feel like it. But nothing rigorous at all.

I guess when I said I do stretches & maybe a few sit ups those women thought I was doing a workout routine & a 100 sit ups. lol No! It just feels good to stretch & maybe do a few sit ups while i'm listing to the news & having my coffee before I jump in the shower.

I have always loved to swim. I grew up with a pool. That was a dream that I wanted & when we found this house the pool is what sold me.

Paige

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
Mon, 08-16-2004 - 7:06am
Sounds like your system works really well. 12 yrs and 4 nieces and nephews later, and my sister's kids still have a brawl over the tv and computer when I visit. I've had to discourage relatives from sabotaging my sister's "plan" by scheming to buy an extra tv, Gameboy or computer for Christmas or birthdays. I certainly hope you don't have scheming family members like some of mine.

I thank God for tv during the last trimesters of my pregnancies and even now when I wake up with a headache - the tv may be on all day. Otherwise, it's a struggle with the tv and it's actually just easier to get them out of our house each day (a lot of work in itself) rather than respond to persistent (and loud) whining.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2004
Mon, 08-16-2004 - 7:07am
We watch the morning news (before dd gets up) & the late night news (after she is asleep) but I don't see any reason not to let her see it. Like you said, it is life.

We watched the hurricane coverage together as a family. She is interested in weather & she enjoyed it, asked a lot of questions, got out her map to see where they were talking about.

A learning experience.

Paige

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2004
Mon, 08-16-2004 - 7:13am
At one of the places we lived if you asked the ped about tv, school, daycare she would say she had some great information & then hand you a list of books to check out and a couple of typed information sheets that her office staff had made up!

She was a great dr. One of my favorites in all the moving around we have done.

But it isn't her job to discuss those things.

She would let you know that without really saying it by handing you a stack of information..

Paige

Avatar for outside_the_box_mom
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-16-2004 - 7:17am
The only socially correct way to view Shakespeare's plays is out in the open, on a Common or park green, with a few thousand other like-minded people, drinking a pretensious white wine and eating food with unpronouceable French names. BTDT. I prefer to read them. :-)
Avatar for outside_the_box_mom
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-16-2004 - 7:19am
Different strokes. DH likes TV for background noise. I prefer . . . silence.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2004
Mon, 08-16-2004 - 7:35am
my youngest scares way, way too easily -- and even has nightmares of scary stories that her friends have told her. we've watched a bit together when there is a big weather event or something on the scale of 9-11, Iraq war, etc....

but the everyday murder, beaten and missing kids, people stabbed to death overnight in the next town??? No way.

eileen

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