When did structure become a bad thing?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
When did structure become a bad thing?
1698
Fri, 07-30-2004 - 8:19am
I am reading the thread about freewheeling nannies below and I hafta say, I just don't get this whole no structure thing. My kids have always thrived on structure. THey liked the predictablity of when things were going to happen. Sure, it has not been a problem to deviate, but what I am reading in some posts is that no structure at all seems to be looked on as optimal, while imposing structure to a child's life is viewed as bad parenting.

We used to live next door to a "no structure" family. The kids ran wild in the neighborhood, the mom never planned dinner so lord only knows if and when the kids ate. Sorry, I don't think that's a good way to live. My kids know we eat dinner at 6:30, so they have to be home.

I can see taht you wouldn't demand that an infant go to bed and wake up at precisely the same time, but is there ever a time to impose structure on a child? So lets say you are the freewheeling type and have always doen things whenever. What happens when you send your child to school where the bell rings at the same time every day?

As far as activities, I realize all kids are different, but when my kids were little, if we just did whatever, whenever, my kids woudl end up grumpy and overtired. My experience is that if say, we were at the beach and I say, oh heck, let's just stay later, the kids woudl be happy at first, but by the days end I would end up with whiny, overtired kids.

Maybe I'm just misinterpreting what I am reading, but I personally think structure is a good thing. When children are small, the structure includes naptimes, mealtimes, etc. As they get older it evolves into boundaries like "be home at 6 for dinner" or "you can't go into soemones house without telling me first". I couldn't imagine living without structure or boundaries for my kids.

Susan

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-16-2004 - 8:56am
Yes, I do believe peds' personal beliefs shape the way they practice.

<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /> 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-16-2004 - 8:58am
I would consider that lazy on the part of any pediatrician, but obviously different parents like different ped styles.

<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /> 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-16-2004 - 8:58am
Yes, yes.

<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /> 

Avatar for outside_the_box_mom
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-16-2004 - 9:08am
I'll match my chatty cathy 7-year old with your two any day.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
Mon, 08-16-2004 - 9:13am
Oh, the pot and the kettle thing. Truly original to this board.

Maybe you can explain why everyone is criticizing Paige. ARe you going to say you've never been guilty of any of the things Paige does? I can't imagine, despite the comments here, that any of us is in a position to criticize. Rather, it seems everybody here is criticizing, very few admit watching more than an hour or 2 of tv and everyone is nice and skinny. That has just not been my experience IRL, nor the experience of everyone else in America...who does not post on these boards!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2004
Mon, 08-16-2004 - 9:13am
Ditto. In fact, the last time we were in (July), he made it a point to ask how stbxh and i were doing -- and i told him that he was a stbxh and that we had separated and were working on the formalities. then he asked what our visitation arrangements were, how the kids were handling it, was there anything that I needed from them....

additionally, he always asks the kids about what kinds of activities they're in, how often, tell about their friends, etc.

he knows us as a WHOLE family -- not just a health blob.

eileen

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-16-2004 - 9:14am
Bring him on over!

<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /> 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-16-2004 - 9:17am

Because it's one thing to say, "We watch too much TV, we don't always eat healthfully, we don't get enough exercise, but we're aware of the benefits of limiting TV, good nutrition and adequate exercise."

<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /> 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
Mon, 08-16-2004 - 9:18am
Actually, sedentary means sitting. Sedentary people at risk for obesity include office workers sitting for hours a day and children/adults sitting before the tv for hours without getting up to do any activities (i.e., the tv is not background noise).

Like Paige, I am "active," not sedentary, as I usher 3 pre-schoolers to different activities throughout the day. However, I do not consider myself one who exercises on a frequent enough basis. My weight problem stems from what eating too much, not being sedentary.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-16-2004 - 9:21am
Thank you - but no offense, can we chat before or after SpongeBob instead, LOL? I like it at least as well as DS. Even his grandparents watch it now. ;-)

One of the highlights of our last vacation was an amusement park which had a "SpongeBob 3d" movie. The seats move to put you in the movie. I'm afraid Joey would be too small for the height requirements, but other than that, your guys would absolutely love it.

Hmmm, see, Bailey's is not my favorite. Kahlua, that might do the trick. ;-)

Pages