When did structure become a bad thing?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
When did structure become a bad thing?
1698
Fri, 07-30-2004 - 8:19am
I am reading the thread about freewheeling nannies below and I hafta say, I just don't get this whole no structure thing. My kids have always thrived on structure. THey liked the predictablity of when things were going to happen. Sure, it has not been a problem to deviate, but what I am reading in some posts is that no structure at all seems to be looked on as optimal, while imposing structure to a child's life is viewed as bad parenting.

We used to live next door to a "no structure" family. The kids ran wild in the neighborhood, the mom never planned dinner so lord only knows if and when the kids ate. Sorry, I don't think that's a good way to live. My kids know we eat dinner at 6:30, so they have to be home.

I can see taht you wouldn't demand that an infant go to bed and wake up at precisely the same time, but is there ever a time to impose structure on a child? So lets say you are the freewheeling type and have always doen things whenever. What happens when you send your child to school where the bell rings at the same time every day?

As far as activities, I realize all kids are different, but when my kids were little, if we just did whatever, whenever, my kids woudl end up grumpy and overtired. My experience is that if say, we were at the beach and I say, oh heck, let's just stay later, the kids woudl be happy at first, but by the days end I would end up with whiny, overtired kids.

Maybe I'm just misinterpreting what I am reading, but I personally think structure is a good thing. When children are small, the structure includes naptimes, mealtimes, etc. As they get older it evolves into boundaries like "be home at 6 for dinner" or "you can't go into soemones house without telling me first". I couldn't imagine living without structure or boundaries for my kids.

Susan

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
Mon, 08-16-2004 - 9:21am
Ugh, I've been following this thread, and Paige repeatedly refused to get specific about exercise. Yet, you kept hammering her for specifics. Then she finally posted what she does which is the first post where she discussed swimming and other things.

Did you want her to be specific or not?

Here's one such post from DJK: http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-pssahwoh&msg=13988.535


Edited 8/16/2004 9:25 am ET ET by luvthebabes

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-16-2004 - 9:27am
Hey, I'm with you and OTBM on this one. (And OTBM hasn't even invited me over for ice cream, LOL.) It most certainly is a pediatrician's place to discuss with his or her patients any behavior strongly correlated with health problems, whether it be smoking or sitting in front of the television ad infinitum, even if it hasn't caused the patient any problems YET.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2004
Mon, 08-16-2004 - 9:30am
***UNREAL***

I enjoy lurking here, I usually participate over at pp. But some of these posts against these women are ridiculous as I look at life in general. Before you comment about the deep south again (which I thought was out of line & a slap in the face to the poster that lives there & everyone else who lives there) I do not live in the deep south, far from it.

Just some points I'd like to highlight for you.

(1) Families, children watch television. Far more than three hours a day on any given day. Common, very common.

(2) Not all parents have issues with television viewing or how much viewing. I don't.

(3) Not all parents are conscious about transfats, organic foods, no preservatives, no prepacked foods, narrowing down the amount of red meat, always have to serve veges/fruits.

(4) Not all parents are in to not allowing colas (even on a daily basis). Or only allowing celery sticks over cupcakes for snacks.

(5) Our school (from that post) gives 3-4 hours of homework per night. Doesn't include projects & reports on top of it.

(6) No before or aftercare, it is the parent's responsibility to provide transportation or pick up/drop off their child at the appropriate times.

(7) Parental involvement is highly required. The cafeteria is staffed but the need for parents to work is still there. They have 4-5 parents per day for cafeteria duty. The parents volunteer in the classes each day. Parents who have accepted the responsibility (2 per class) to be homeroom & co-homeroom parents are the ones that work with the teachers in planning & coordinating field trip rides/volunteers, volunteers for other specific areas including working in the class with her & the students.

(8) As I look down at this week's school lunch menu. Typical of the last four years, typical of any school around in these neck of the woods. Mon: Cheeseburgers, potato wedges, chocolate cake. Tues: Chicken tenders, tater tots, chocolate chip cookies. Wed: Pizza, cheese sticks, cupcakes. Thurs. Sausage pattie, mashed potatoes w/butter, biscuit, cheesecake. Fri: Fish sticks, baked potatoes, mac 'n cheese, brownies.

(9) My nieces & nephews go to three different public schools not even close to the same area that we live & the school our child attends they are not close to one another so not in the same regional areas. Their experience is 3-4 hours per night of homework, same kind of lunch menus, high parental involvement in classroom, cafeteria. No before & after care in either of those.

(10) Not all families are in to the big exercise scene. Not nearly all families do activities & lessons of different sorts. Including sports & sport teams. It is not common that all participate or take lessons. It is not common that all have after school activities they attend.

While some people have a problem with these things. Others live life happily & never think twice or even a third time about these things.

Does it make the people that are all up on their toes about these things wrong? No. However, it does not make the rest of us who live like 1-10 wrong by a long long long stretch!

Why did I write this post? Because I think saying that some of you have been downright *rude* to the posters who don't live & believe as you do would be putting it *mildly* to say the least.

Thanks for listening, Cathleena.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
Mon, 08-16-2004 - 9:32am
<> I'm sorry, but why does anyone care and why have sooo many women criticized - and even gotten downright catty and unkind - about it? Did you read the posts where someone has a "theory" about Paige and all of the giggling girls here are e-mailing like little high schoolers with pink laptops? LOL. Paige and DD are skinny and recent physicals showed no problems whatsoever. Let's get GKK back because the problem with women not getting ahead in the workplace, IMO, is right here in this thread. LOL. Forget silly hypothesis about quitting to have babies.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-16-2004 - 9:33am

Ok I'll take ice cream with my Kahlua if you'll take Kahlua with your ice cream :)


The only episodes I like are with Plankton.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-16-2004 - 9:35am

Where do you live and how much post-secondary education do you have?


Why do you eat and exercise the way you do - what's your life philosophy?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2004
Mon, 08-16-2004 - 9:35am
Badgering seems to be the momentum for those who don't exercise, don't follow specific nutritional guidelines, and for those who actually enjoy television with their children for unlimited amounts of time.

The comments about where the poster lives were *low* & *downright degrading* as if because they don't live there it is beneath them.

The sarcasm & rudeness is pathetic!

Worse than a bunch of stuck up school girls.

Cathleena

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2004
Mon, 08-16-2004 - 9:36am
If they are going to use a word they really need to know the meaning & how to use it.

Cathleena

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-16-2004 - 9:36am

I think Paige is a nice person.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-16-2004 - 9:37am
Let's make it my place - I'm probably equidistant from you two, and I appear to be the ice cream connoisseur!

I will echo Felicia, just substitute "chatting with suzymomm" for "meeting with Jorvia." ;-)

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