When did structure become a bad thing?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
When did structure become a bad thing?
1698
Fri, 07-30-2004 - 8:19am
I am reading the thread about freewheeling nannies below and I hafta say, I just don't get this whole no structure thing. My kids have always thrived on structure. THey liked the predictablity of when things were going to happen. Sure, it has not been a problem to deviate, but what I am reading in some posts is that no structure at all seems to be looked on as optimal, while imposing structure to a child's life is viewed as bad parenting.

We used to live next door to a "no structure" family. The kids ran wild in the neighborhood, the mom never planned dinner so lord only knows if and when the kids ate. Sorry, I don't think that's a good way to live. My kids know we eat dinner at 6:30, so they have to be home.

I can see taht you wouldn't demand that an infant go to bed and wake up at precisely the same time, but is there ever a time to impose structure on a child? So lets say you are the freewheeling type and have always doen things whenever. What happens when you send your child to school where the bell rings at the same time every day?

As far as activities, I realize all kids are different, but when my kids were little, if we just did whatever, whenever, my kids woudl end up grumpy and overtired. My experience is that if say, we were at the beach and I say, oh heck, let's just stay later, the kids woudl be happy at first, but by the days end I would end up with whiny, overtired kids.

Maybe I'm just misinterpreting what I am reading, but I personally think structure is a good thing. When children are small, the structure includes naptimes, mealtimes, etc. As they get older it evolves into boundaries like "be home at 6 for dinner" or "you can't go into soemones house without telling me first". I couldn't imagine living without structure or boundaries for my kids.

Susan

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2004
Mon, 08-16-2004 - 9:37am
What is the problem with a person admitting they watch tv & don't exercise?

What is the problem with that???????????

NONE!

Cathleena

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 08-16-2004 - 9:37am
Just to address the nutrition and activity aspects of your posts. For some reason you seem to equate the fact that something is common with it being good, which is not the case with inactivity and eating poorly. American's have increasing health related problems that are directly attribited to these lifestyle choices. I think it is negligent of parents to make these choices for their children just because lots of people do it. To me that is the epitome of ignorance and the kids are the ones who pay.~Lisa
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2002
Mon, 08-16-2004 - 9:38am
Lots of things MAY cause health problems.

Okmrsmommy-36, CPmom to DD-16 and DS-14

Avatar for outside_the_box_mom
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-16-2004 - 9:38am
Ok, I confess. I have a terrible weakness for hot fudge sundaes. Can't resist them. So you and PNJ can have the Bailey's and vanilla, I'll have the hot fudge loaded with whipped cream and nuts. We'll let the chatty kids run around the yard with the dog.

outside_the_box_mom

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2004
Mon, 08-16-2004 - 9:40am
But paige herself has said that they're not active (at least she's not) -- and, in fact, she seems quite proud of it.

oh, and as for sedentary...

sed·en·tar·y Audio pronunciation of SEDENTARY ( P ) Pronunciation Key (sdn-tr)

adj.

1. Characterized by or requiring much sitting: a sedentary job.

2. Accustomed to sitting or to taking little exercise.

3. Remaining or living in one area, as certain birds; not migratory.

4. Attached to a surface and not moving freely, as a barnacle.

see #2

eileen

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-16-2004 - 9:41am
The ped should discuss things that are likely to cause medical problems with their patients and patients' parents.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 08-16-2004 - 9:41am

Oh, I much prefer silence too, but then again, I tend to tune alot of stuff out.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 08-16-2004 - 9:43am

The local news doesn't have alot of gore in it. They will discuss the latest kidnapping, the latest fire and murder/homicide...but to great lengths and normally w/out visuals.


If my oldest was prone to getting scared easily, I would probably take your same route.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2004
Mon, 08-16-2004 - 9:43am
I think it is admirable that Paige or whoever admits that they enjoy television, see no point in limiting it, allow their child to view it.

That they don't exercise & really could care less.

That they aren't eating the perfect meals & the perfect snacks or whatever people would deem are appropriate for others.

I find it refreshing that a person is not afraid to stand up and say we watch tv, we watch it for 3 hours, we watch it for 5 hours, we eat pizza, chicken tenders & have twinkies for our meal all sitting in front of the television.

That we hate sports whether it be going to them, watching them, or playing them.

Much more refreshing than the opposite bandwagon that everyone is doing what is suppose to be socially acceptable. Oh no, not allowing our kiddies a cola expect a splash for a sip or two on rare occasions. We only eat carrot sticks & celery, maybe some whole wheat crackers & cheese for snacks. But not sweets. We eat bagels. Not fruity pebbles for breakfast. We would never serve thick juicy burgers with a side of mac n' cheese and doritios. We serve special fish from a special source grilled with brocoli & spinach salad as the sides.

Blech I say!

Cathleena

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-16-2004 - 9:44am
Oh, I'd be with you on the fudge front (actually, if given a choice, it would be caramel for me) but Felicia won't come unless I agree to consume something alcoholic.

Bring your pooch and yours and mine can run each other ragged too. ;-)

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