When did structure become a bad thing?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
When did structure become a bad thing?
1698
Fri, 07-30-2004 - 8:19am
I am reading the thread about freewheeling nannies below and I hafta say, I just don't get this whole no structure thing. My kids have always thrived on structure. THey liked the predictablity of when things were going to happen. Sure, it has not been a problem to deviate, but what I am reading in some posts is that no structure at all seems to be looked on as optimal, while imposing structure to a child's life is viewed as bad parenting.

We used to live next door to a "no structure" family. The kids ran wild in the neighborhood, the mom never planned dinner so lord only knows if and when the kids ate. Sorry, I don't think that's a good way to live. My kids know we eat dinner at 6:30, so they have to be home.

I can see taht you wouldn't demand that an infant go to bed and wake up at precisely the same time, but is there ever a time to impose structure on a child? So lets say you are the freewheeling type and have always doen things whenever. What happens when you send your child to school where the bell rings at the same time every day?

As far as activities, I realize all kids are different, but when my kids were little, if we just did whatever, whenever, my kids woudl end up grumpy and overtired. My experience is that if say, we were at the beach and I say, oh heck, let's just stay later, the kids woudl be happy at first, but by the days end I would end up with whiny, overtired kids.

Maybe I'm just misinterpreting what I am reading, but I personally think structure is a good thing. When children are small, the structure includes naptimes, mealtimes, etc. As they get older it evolves into boundaries like "be home at 6 for dinner" or "you can't go into soemones house without telling me first". I couldn't imagine living without structure or boundaries for my kids.

Susan

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2004
Mon, 08-16-2004 - 9:45am
Oh yes, right. The kid may turn blue & be looking for paw prints as clues instead of reading Shakespeare.

Cathleena

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2002
Mon, 08-16-2004 - 9:45am

OMG...if that were REALLY the case, we would be in with the doctor EVERY week for at LEAST an hour when every bit of new "research" that is supposedly "harmful" to us comes out.

Okmrsmommy-36, CPmom to DD-16 and DS-14

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-16-2004 - 9:45am
And it is your pediatrician's solemn obligation to make sure you know what they are.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-16-2004 - 9:48am

It's admirable to be honest with oneself and one's family about bad habits.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2004
Mon, 08-16-2004 - 9:48am
I'm a full time work out of the home mom & have a two college degrees from a major university.

My husband also has two college degrees from a major university.

My life's philosophy...live life, enjoy life, and have fun. Don't let others tell you what you should or shouln't be doing or how you should or shouldn't raise your children, live your life, think.

Cathleena

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-16-2004 - 9:48am
LOL!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-16-2004 - 9:49am
Seriously for a moment, do you know that there are some negative things that may arise out of excessive TV viewing?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-16-2004 - 9:51am

"My life's philosophy...live life, enjoy life, and have fun."


That's an interesting philosophy.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2004
Mon, 08-16-2004 - 9:52am
You are welcome to have & live by your own philosophy.

Don't expect all of us to follow suit.

Cathleena

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 08-16-2004 - 9:54am
Where does the "think" factor in to eating whatever you want and being sedentary?

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