When did structure become a bad thing?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
When did structure become a bad thing?
1698
Fri, 07-30-2004 - 8:19am
I am reading the thread about freewheeling nannies below and I hafta say, I just don't get this whole no structure thing. My kids have always thrived on structure. THey liked the predictablity of when things were going to happen. Sure, it has not been a problem to deviate, but what I am reading in some posts is that no structure at all seems to be looked on as optimal, while imposing structure to a child's life is viewed as bad parenting.

We used to live next door to a "no structure" family. The kids ran wild in the neighborhood, the mom never planned dinner so lord only knows if and when the kids ate. Sorry, I don't think that's a good way to live. My kids know we eat dinner at 6:30, so they have to be home.

I can see taht you wouldn't demand that an infant go to bed and wake up at precisely the same time, but is there ever a time to impose structure on a child? So lets say you are the freewheeling type and have always doen things whenever. What happens when you send your child to school where the bell rings at the same time every day?

As far as activities, I realize all kids are different, but when my kids were little, if we just did whatever, whenever, my kids woudl end up grumpy and overtired. My experience is that if say, we were at the beach and I say, oh heck, let's just stay later, the kids woudl be happy at first, but by the days end I would end up with whiny, overtired kids.

Maybe I'm just misinterpreting what I am reading, but I personally think structure is a good thing. When children are small, the structure includes naptimes, mealtimes, etc. As they get older it evolves into boundaries like "be home at 6 for dinner" or "you can't go into soemones house without telling me first". I couldn't imagine living without structure or boundaries for my kids.

Susan

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2004
Mon, 08-16-2004 - 9:54am
the problem is that she sees nothing wrong with it in any way, shape or form -- and can't even CONSIDER the possibility that these things could ALL lead to problems (individually OR together) down the road....

kudos to her for admitting it...sadly, though, she can't consider that there could be MAJOR health repercussions down the road AND that it does, in fact, set a very poor example for her child.

What's the problem with THAT?

NONE - but certainly not an example that i would willingly and proudly set for my kids.

eileen

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 08-16-2004 - 9:56am
Eating healthy and exercising has zero to do with being PC here either. It's about what is in the best interest of my children.~Lisa
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2004
Mon, 08-16-2004 - 9:56am
no, not so much gore as national news, BUT, we live near 2 major connecticut cities and it is not uncommon to hear about a child that went missing and was found dead in the river -- or a child that died on the way to the hospital after being beaten by his or her parents.

No thanks. i'll shield my kids from these realities of life a little bit longer. They have watched the "feel good" stuff when we were getting lots of our news coverage about alyssa.

eileen

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2004
Mon, 08-16-2004 - 9:57am
It is only less than desirable, to those like you that feel that way.

It is not less than desirable, but rather optimal for those who feel the other way & live on the other side of the fence.

Cathleena

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-16-2004 - 9:59am

No, you and Paige have the same mental block.


Not exercising at all or enough and eating the wrong kinds of food consistently and regularly is OBJECTIVELY bad, it's not a matter of opinion at all.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 08-16-2004 - 10:00am
How is it optimal for your health and the health of your children? Conventional research and wisdom doesn't support you at all.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-16-2004 - 10:01am
Now you've got me thinking. Kahlua AND chocolate syrup!

Dang it, it's only 10 am!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2004
Mon, 08-16-2004 - 10:01am
I've read that. I've talked to two of my pediatrician's about it. I've discussed it with family. With friends who are parents.

It isn't that I refuse it as fact. I simply don't believe tv harming of adults or children.

Cathleena

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 08-16-2004 - 10:02am
It's not my own philosophy. I don't expect anyone to follow suit but I will contend with the idea that those choices are harmless.~Lisa
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2004
Mon, 08-16-2004 - 10:03am
I see nothing wrong with it. We live the same way.

Guess that is why I'm sympathetic to her in this thread. I really understand her side of the fence because I'm sitting on with my dh & children.


Cathleena

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