When did structure become a bad thing?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
When did structure become a bad thing?
1698
Fri, 07-30-2004 - 8:19am
I am reading the thread about freewheeling nannies below and I hafta say, I just don't get this whole no structure thing. My kids have always thrived on structure. THey liked the predictablity of when things were going to happen. Sure, it has not been a problem to deviate, but what I am reading in some posts is that no structure at all seems to be looked on as optimal, while imposing structure to a child's life is viewed as bad parenting.

We used to live next door to a "no structure" family. The kids ran wild in the neighborhood, the mom never planned dinner so lord only knows if and when the kids ate. Sorry, I don't think that's a good way to live. My kids know we eat dinner at 6:30, so they have to be home.

I can see taht you wouldn't demand that an infant go to bed and wake up at precisely the same time, but is there ever a time to impose structure on a child? So lets say you are the freewheeling type and have always doen things whenever. What happens when you send your child to school where the bell rings at the same time every day?

As far as activities, I realize all kids are different, but when my kids were little, if we just did whatever, whenever, my kids woudl end up grumpy and overtired. My experience is that if say, we were at the beach and I say, oh heck, let's just stay later, the kids woudl be happy at first, but by the days end I would end up with whiny, overtired kids.

Maybe I'm just misinterpreting what I am reading, but I personally think structure is a good thing. When children are small, the structure includes naptimes, mealtimes, etc. As they get older it evolves into boundaries like "be home at 6 for dinner" or "you can't go into soemones house without telling me first". I couldn't imagine living without structure or boundaries for my kids.

Susan

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2003
Mon, 08-16-2004 - 1:15pm
That's exactly how my ds's ped is. He *really* knows my son. He was soooo helpful when I was having issues with potty training. The guy has been practicing for over 20 years and pretty much has seen and heard it all. I feel very fortunate to have him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-16-2004 - 1:42pm

My ped. was my lifesaver when Devin was sick. She would call in medicine for the kids to spare me a trip. She always asked how all of us were doing and if the kids needed anything. She even sent me a note after Devin died with her home phone on it. I feel very blessed that she is their doctor.


"I do not want to be a princess! I want to be myself"

Mallory (age 3)

      &nbs

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2001
Mon, 08-16-2004 - 1:45pm
Ooooh oooooh ooh ... or a parent asking me which channel this "baby beluga" show is on that her two keep singing about, she can't find it listed anywhere.

 

Linda - wife, mother, grandmum                     &nb

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-16-2004 - 1:52pm
You're killin' me.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2004
Mon, 08-16-2004 - 1:57pm
How rude! FYI I participate over at parentsplace.

Cathleena

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2004
Mon, 08-16-2004 - 1:58pm
I don't who you are however I am a parentsplace poster. Not an alias. Sorry to burst your bubble.

Cathleena

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2004
Mon, 08-16-2004 - 2:00pm
I'm not ashamed. No, I didn't post so you would be impressed. I could really not give a hoot whether you like the fact people watch tv or how much they watch.

It is people with high opinions of how others should be living & what they should be doing that is irritating.

Cathleena

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2003
Mon, 08-16-2004 - 2:05pm
That sounds so wonderful. I think it's so important for a doctor to look at the whole picture not just the *physical* aspects of the child. Sounds like she was a great support system for you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2004
Mon, 08-16-2004 - 2:08pm
This is an obnoxious post. But then, I'm sure you knew that before you hit the post button.

I lurk here. I post at parentsplace. I'm not new, I'm not an alias. Much to your dismay I'm sure.

My name is Cathleena & I'm a WOHM. I agree with what Paige was saying. That is all. Any other ASSumptions you want to ASSume are not my problem.

Cathleena

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2004
Mon, 08-16-2004 - 2:09pm
I really had a lot of respect for your postings.

I have always enjoyed reading them.

Your insuation is far from the truth. I post over at pp & lurk here at ps.

Cathleena

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