When did structure become a bad thing?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
When did structure become a bad thing?
1698
Fri, 07-30-2004 - 8:19am
I am reading the thread about freewheeling nannies below and I hafta say, I just don't get this whole no structure thing. My kids have always thrived on structure. THey liked the predictablity of when things were going to happen. Sure, it has not been a problem to deviate, but what I am reading in some posts is that no structure at all seems to be looked on as optimal, while imposing structure to a child's life is viewed as bad parenting.

We used to live next door to a "no structure" family. The kids ran wild in the neighborhood, the mom never planned dinner so lord only knows if and when the kids ate. Sorry, I don't think that's a good way to live. My kids know we eat dinner at 6:30, so they have to be home.

I can see taht you wouldn't demand that an infant go to bed and wake up at precisely the same time, but is there ever a time to impose structure on a child? So lets say you are the freewheeling type and have always doen things whenever. What happens when you send your child to school where the bell rings at the same time every day?

As far as activities, I realize all kids are different, but when my kids were little, if we just did whatever, whenever, my kids woudl end up grumpy and overtired. My experience is that if say, we were at the beach and I say, oh heck, let's just stay later, the kids woudl be happy at first, but by the days end I would end up with whiny, overtired kids.

Maybe I'm just misinterpreting what I am reading, but I personally think structure is a good thing. When children are small, the structure includes naptimes, mealtimes, etc. As they get older it evolves into boundaries like "be home at 6 for dinner" or "you can't go into soemones house without telling me first". I couldn't imagine living without structure or boundaries for my kids.

Susan

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Avatar for myshkamouse
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-16-2004 - 3:28pm
I agree with you. Our nurse practitioner told us to limit TV and video, as well as things like time in the bouncy chair, and other lifestyle issues. She was preaching to the choir in our case as we already keep our kids away from TV and video and were only letting them sit in their bouncy chairs for 15-20 min a day just while I made lunch or started dinner.

But I think Dr's and medical profesionals should absolutely help educate their patients on everything from developmental issues, to diet and exercise.


MM

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2003
Mon, 08-16-2004 - 3:34pm
And I also think that the ones who don't disucss those issues w/ their patients aren't not doing it because they don't think it's necessary but because they are being lazy and not taking the time to do it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 08-16-2004 - 3:38pm
And I dont think anything irritates me more is when someone comes to this board, starts posting conflicting or erroneous info, then acts like we are all *misunderstanding* them when they get called on it. Since we are not privy to voice tone on these boards, yes, we are going to pretty much take what someone says at face value. And the constant insistance by this person that they *didnt say that* *didnt mean that* coupled with this bizarre notion that eating sugar and not working out is healthy, just bugs the cr@p outta me.


dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 08-16-2004 - 3:45pm
Uh, she did refuse, but then she kept insisting we were all wrong and she is active, yadda yadda yadda. I really dont care if she is active or not. But dont go telling people that a lifestyle like hers is a HEALTHY one. That is what is bugging me about this thread.

And when she did finally post, again, she changed her story. First she said *I swim every day*. Then it was *Oh well I lay in the pool on a lounger* Then started making wierd accustations about *OH well if YOU want to call that exercise go ahead* when SHE was the one calling it exercise in the first place.

When people appear to be purposely posting conflicting info, it irritates me. Because it implies that they must think we are a bunch of idiots who arent going to notice inconsistencies and fall for these ridiculous stories hook line and sinker. If someone wants to come on here and tell stories, go for it. But dont act all hurt fee fees when they get called on their nonsense.

dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

Avatar for myshkamouse
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-16-2004 - 6:25pm
I so agree. I think sometimes they also avoid life style conversations as they really werent trained in how to navigate them. I heard a thing on NPR the other day about physicians not talking to very overweight patients about eating / diet because they simply didnt know how. Sad. I think it should be part of any GP or pediatrician's training.


MM

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2004
Mon, 08-16-2004 - 6:43pm
Has anybody seen my mirror? i seem to have dropped it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2004
Mon, 08-16-2004 - 8:30pm
You are out of line!

I only told the truth.

I don't care if you like that we watch as much as tv as we do & that we eat the way we do. That we live & make the choices of how to spend our days & live our lives. Your opinions are your own. So are your views on these subjects. They do not even pretend to affect our lives or change them in any manner.


I posted nothing ridiculous. I posted about my life & how I lead it, how I think about these issues. If you can't handle the truth, it really is your problem, not mine, isn't it?

I don't think any person here is an idiot or anything else but a nice group of ladies.

Hurt feelings? I didn't get my feelings hurt one bit. I could care less what you think. I don't see how you feel about tv viewing and nutrition should hurt me, affect me, or make me change my way of living one little itsy bitsy bit.

I didn't answer posts because quite frankly I thought some were being a bit too nosey. Debating material, even personal, is one thing. But when it gets down to exactly what are you_____________ (insert) then I think the poster asking the question(s) has definately crossed a line.

I do not know who this tulips & rose person is but I can assure you that I would not go so low and deep in depth & waste precious time to go to those lengths!!!!!!!!!!!!

I don't think I encountered silly school girls in my jr high & high school years that have acted & behaved the way this board has today. I don't think I've encountered a kindergartener or first grader that would act in this manner. If they did in my class their parent would be contacted immediately about their unruly behavior.

Furthermore, I returned to work today so I have just been at the board for about 30 minutes now reading through this glob & I didn't even read every post because it got boring quickly!

Good Night!

Paige

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Mon, 08-16-2004 - 10:46pm
I don't see a da** reason to limit tv. Don't feel sorry for my little one. I don't deem tv as anything that should be limited.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Mon, 08-16-2004 - 10:47pm
You shouldn't generalize because you made it sound like you were referring to everyone, not just Paige.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Mon, 08-16-2004 - 10:50pm
Where did Paige say she watched blues or shows similar for that long? She said family programming. Darn, that could be a wide variety & none that air on disney or nickelodeon, ya think? Have you not found any show outside of blue or clifford that one can view with their kids? I have found too many to count. I wouldn't let my child just watch anything & I think monitoring their viewing is important, not limiting it. I just think there are a whole tv guide listing of shows for kids to watch & families to watch. Maybe I'm more broad minded in looking for child appropriate tv shows that show no violence, sex, or other material children shouldn't watch.

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