When did structure become a bad thing?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
When did structure become a bad thing?
1698
Fri, 07-30-2004 - 8:19am
I am reading the thread about freewheeling nannies below and I hafta say, I just don't get this whole no structure thing. My kids have always thrived on structure. THey liked the predictablity of when things were going to happen. Sure, it has not been a problem to deviate, but what I am reading in some posts is that no structure at all seems to be looked on as optimal, while imposing structure to a child's life is viewed as bad parenting.

We used to live next door to a "no structure" family. The kids ran wild in the neighborhood, the mom never planned dinner so lord only knows if and when the kids ate. Sorry, I don't think that's a good way to live. My kids know we eat dinner at 6:30, so they have to be home.

I can see taht you wouldn't demand that an infant go to bed and wake up at precisely the same time, but is there ever a time to impose structure on a child? So lets say you are the freewheeling type and have always doen things whenever. What happens when you send your child to school where the bell rings at the same time every day?

As far as activities, I realize all kids are different, but when my kids were little, if we just did whatever, whenever, my kids woudl end up grumpy and overtired. My experience is that if say, we were at the beach and I say, oh heck, let's just stay later, the kids woudl be happy at first, but by the days end I would end up with whiny, overtired kids.

Maybe I'm just misinterpreting what I am reading, but I personally think structure is a good thing. When children are small, the structure includes naptimes, mealtimes, etc. As they get older it evolves into boundaries like "be home at 6 for dinner" or "you can't go into soemones house without telling me first". I couldn't imagine living without structure or boundaries for my kids.

Susan

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Mon, 08-16-2004 - 11:22pm
Why feel guilty? We use ours to drive around the corner. I don't feel any guilt & don't think I should.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2004
Mon, 08-16-2004 - 11:23pm
Absosmurfly!

I can't stand talking or having an adult conversation with my DH over dinner. Blech! That takes too much effort and I'd rather see what Rachel and Ross are up to or see the latest Hollywood gossip. (didya know Nikki Hilton got married? I'll bet these other posters don't cuz they've been reading or enjoying the summer weather or somethin' silly like that!)

We are living how we desire, you bet.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Mon, 08-16-2004 - 11:24pm
Yep. It is almost 11:30. Baby is sleeping. We taped it & will watch it here in a second.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
Mon, 08-16-2004 - 11:35pm

"We use ours to drive around the corner."


Okay. . .I have no response to that. . .I'm speechless. . .


Hey DJ. . .I think we've found my 'limit'.

Virgo

Virgo
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Mon, 08-16-2004 - 11:41pm
My baby doesn't ride well. Fussy! Gets car sick! The only thing we have found to make life a little easier whether it is going down the street or trekking off for vacation. I think I dread the big long drive more than the move itself. Puke bucket in hand, ugh! I have ever bit of sympathy. I get so car sick, I turn green in many shades. I can't read, I can't hardly ride & talk, I just puke my guts. But I've found I can listen to a tv show or even watch it. My baby does so much better.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Mon, 08-16-2004 - 11:43pm
It was part of my husband's training. He just feels it isn't his place to tell parents how much tv or what tv their kids should be watching. He says he would not want a ped telling us so why shouldn't he return the respect. He will gladly discuss it, mention the AAP, give them books, articles if they ask. But they have to ask.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-14-2003
Mon, 08-16-2004 - 11:44pm
I am really surprised that as an educator you don't recommend that parents of your students consult their pediatricians.

My DH, a preschool/daycare teacher, often recommends that parents consult their child's pediatrician, when children in his care exhibit behavior issues. Often they are linked to physical issues which should be addressed. In fact, he even unoffically consults with a pediatrician (whose children were in his care when they were younger) for suggestions or possible solutions when "his" children exhibit unusual behavior. The parents really appreciate this, since sometimes the parents are unaware of these issues because they aren't exhibited at home.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
Mon, 08-16-2004 - 11:45pm

Sometimes dh has the news on during dinner, but I'll readily admit that I prefer the TV to be off during dinner.

Virgo
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
Mon, 08-16-2004 - 11:47pm

How old is this baby?


Virgo
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Mon, 08-16-2004 - 11:48pm
Where we don't eat until so late (I'm waiting on my hubby to get it on the table NOW) by that time we have talked out. We have both been on vacation for this is our 3rd week now, spending almost every moment together. We'd rather watch tv. We are talked out. We have talked about everything under the sun including what color we are going to paint when we move. We don't find tv disruptive. We can talk or say anything with the tv on & not miss one word of the conversation or something the other said. I don't find tv a nusance at all.

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