When did structure become a bad thing?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
When did structure become a bad thing?
1698
Fri, 07-30-2004 - 8:19am
I am reading the thread about freewheeling nannies below and I hafta say, I just don't get this whole no structure thing. My kids have always thrived on structure. THey liked the predictablity of when things were going to happen. Sure, it has not been a problem to deviate, but what I am reading in some posts is that no structure at all seems to be looked on as optimal, while imposing structure to a child's life is viewed as bad parenting.

We used to live next door to a "no structure" family. The kids ran wild in the neighborhood, the mom never planned dinner so lord only knows if and when the kids ate. Sorry, I don't think that's a good way to live. My kids know we eat dinner at 6:30, so they have to be home.

I can see taht you wouldn't demand that an infant go to bed and wake up at precisely the same time, but is there ever a time to impose structure on a child? So lets say you are the freewheeling type and have always doen things whenever. What happens when you send your child to school where the bell rings at the same time every day?

As far as activities, I realize all kids are different, but when my kids were little, if we just did whatever, whenever, my kids woudl end up grumpy and overtired. My experience is that if say, we were at the beach and I say, oh heck, let's just stay later, the kids woudl be happy at first, but by the days end I would end up with whiny, overtired kids.

Maybe I'm just misinterpreting what I am reading, but I personally think structure is a good thing. When children are small, the structure includes naptimes, mealtimes, etc. As they get older it evolves into boundaries like "be home at 6 for dinner" or "you can't go into soemones house without telling me first". I couldn't imagine living without structure or boundaries for my kids.

Susan

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Mon, 08-16-2004 - 11:49pm
1
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Mon, 08-16-2004 - 11:50pm
One
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 12:58am
Ugh. For the last time (maybe I could repeat myself a few hundred more times here...) I DONT care what she does. I just completely disagree with her touting her lifestyle like it is HEALTHY. She can be as unhealthy as she wants-but its just ridiculous to proclaim it as some kind of sought after ideal.

It is to me, no different than a smoker saying that there is *nothing wrong with smoking*.

dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 8:21am
Hey, do you have TVs built into your showers? When you take 2 or 3 showers a day like some people, it's a virtual necessity, don't you think?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 9:13am
What does, or would in theory, cause you to feel any guilt whatsoever about your lifestyle and how you parent?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2003
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 10:58am
You turn your DVD on in your car to drive around the corner? That's pathetic.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 11:46am
TV has saved the day once or twice at my house too, but there is a law of diminishing returns that applies here. I find that if for some reason, my children get more than two hours of TV at one time, their personalities distort and they turn into very unpleasant little critters. I can't stand that. They get agitated and disagreeable (downright belligerent) and easily distracted, unable to focus on the simplest of tasks. I say they are in the zone, and it isn't a good thing. Usually, whatever benefit that I've gained by allowing my children to watch that much TV is negated by their nasty transformation which I have to live with for several hours afterward.

I am way too paranoid about what would happen to their neural networks to leave the TV on all day. I think I read Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman five years ago and I became very respectful of the complicated things that go on in the developing brain.

As far as scheming family members, I do have a sister who does not get how we can all live together in this small house with one TV. She thinks we need a little TV for one of the bedrooms so I can get rid of the kids when I need to. I don't know, I don't suppose I have four kids because it was the convenient thing to do.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 12:05pm
In short distances even my baby gets car sick. If the baby focuses on the tv we find the baby doesn't puke. What would you do? Turn it on or hold the puke bucket?
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 12:09pm
What Raffi song is that? I thought I had them all.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 12:14pm

Personally, I'd try to find out why the baby gets car sick during every trip . . .even short distances. . .or I'd find something else for her to focus on.


What would you have done if an in-car DVD wasn't an option?


And knowing 1 year olds, I seriously doubt she's 'focusing' soley on the TV.

Virgo

Virgo
 

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