When did structure become a bad thing?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
When did structure become a bad thing?
1698
Fri, 07-30-2004 - 8:19am
I am reading the thread about freewheeling nannies below and I hafta say, I just don't get this whole no structure thing. My kids have always thrived on structure. THey liked the predictablity of when things were going to happen. Sure, it has not been a problem to deviate, but what I am reading in some posts is that no structure at all seems to be looked on as optimal, while imposing structure to a child's life is viewed as bad parenting.

We used to live next door to a "no structure" family. The kids ran wild in the neighborhood, the mom never planned dinner so lord only knows if and when the kids ate. Sorry, I don't think that's a good way to live. My kids know we eat dinner at 6:30, so they have to be home.

I can see taht you wouldn't demand that an infant go to bed and wake up at precisely the same time, but is there ever a time to impose structure on a child? So lets say you are the freewheeling type and have always doen things whenever. What happens when you send your child to school where the bell rings at the same time every day?

As far as activities, I realize all kids are different, but when my kids were little, if we just did whatever, whenever, my kids woudl end up grumpy and overtired. My experience is that if say, we were at the beach and I say, oh heck, let's just stay later, the kids woudl be happy at first, but by the days end I would end up with whiny, overtired kids.

Maybe I'm just misinterpreting what I am reading, but I personally think structure is a good thing. When children are small, the structure includes naptimes, mealtimes, etc. As they get older it evolves into boundaries like "be home at 6 for dinner" or "you can't go into soemones house without telling me first". I couldn't imagine living without structure or boundaries for my kids.

Susan

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2003
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 12:25pm
I thought your dh was a pediatrician. He also doesn't see "a da** reason to limit tv" as you believe?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 12:32pm

Whoa, Nelly! If her husband is a ped, why doesn't he give her medication for the car sickness? Perhaps I am obtuse but wouldn't a DVD player make it worse? Devin had car sickness and he couldn't read or try to concentrate on anything because it would make the car sickness worse.


"I do not want to be a princess! I want to be myself"

Mallory (age 3)

      &nbs

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2003
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 12:36pm
Wow. I am truly shocked. I don't know where your dh did his schooling and training, but he should have learned that a "well-child visit" should be more than "physicals" and "immunizations."

Actually, I would ask you to actually *ask* your dh whether he brings up TV watching. I want to give him the benefit of doubt and assume that you're just saying all this w/o really knowing what he does in his office.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2003
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 12:39pm
Your one year old is so attentive that she can focus 100% on a DVD screen? LOL I doubt that. Her attention span is probably a couple minutes at most.

Have you tried everything else? Talked to your ped (isn't your DH one?) about this? I've heard acupressure treatment can work even on small children.

I find it unbelievable that the DVD is the sole "magical cure" for this car sickness.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2003
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 12:39pm
I just read your post about his thought that it's the *parents'* place to ask. Does he feel the same about what activities the parents do w/ the child? what foods are fed to the child? how much sleep s/he gets? whether s/he smokes? drinks? has sex? *stresses* at school and at home? Does he feel that all of these "social" issues are also the responsibility of the parents to ask? OMG.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2003
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 12:43pm
I have one and I don't feel guilty about it. ;-)

I think of it this way. My dd can watch TV or a DVD for about an hour a day so if she's watching a DVD that she may be normally watching at home for that hour, what difference does it make that it's on a plane?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2003
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 12:46pm
"It you part of husband's training"? Where the heck did he train? Me thinks he was just not awake for that part.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2001
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 12:46pm
Came out in 1980 ... but hold the phone, I made a mistake,

 

Linda - wife, mother, grandmum                     &nb

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 12:47pm
My dd had car sickness as an infant and toddler. We gave her some homeopathic tablets that did the trick.~Lisa who thinks a ped would look for a treatment other than a tv screen.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 12:56pm
Okay so we have a pediatrician who I am guessing works ft? Yet still has time to sit down and watch pbs for the sole reason of staying *connected* to his patients???? Sorry, I dont buy it. There are many other ways he could stay in touch with their interests.

dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

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