When did structure become a bad thing?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
When did structure become a bad thing?
1698
Fri, 07-30-2004 - 8:19am
I am reading the thread about freewheeling nannies below and I hafta say, I just don't get this whole no structure thing. My kids have always thrived on structure. THey liked the predictablity of when things were going to happen. Sure, it has not been a problem to deviate, but what I am reading in some posts is that no structure at all seems to be looked on as optimal, while imposing structure to a child's life is viewed as bad parenting.

We used to live next door to a "no structure" family. The kids ran wild in the neighborhood, the mom never planned dinner so lord only knows if and when the kids ate. Sorry, I don't think that's a good way to live. My kids know we eat dinner at 6:30, so they have to be home.

I can see taht you wouldn't demand that an infant go to bed and wake up at precisely the same time, but is there ever a time to impose structure on a child? So lets say you are the freewheeling type and have always doen things whenever. What happens when you send your child to school where the bell rings at the same time every day?

As far as activities, I realize all kids are different, but when my kids were little, if we just did whatever, whenever, my kids woudl end up grumpy and overtired. My experience is that if say, we were at the beach and I say, oh heck, let's just stay later, the kids woudl be happy at first, but by the days end I would end up with whiny, overtired kids.

Maybe I'm just misinterpreting what I am reading, but I personally think structure is a good thing. When children are small, the structure includes naptimes, mealtimes, etc. As they get older it evolves into boundaries like "be home at 6 for dinner" or "you can't go into soemones house without telling me first". I couldn't imagine living without structure or boundaries for my kids.

Susan

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2003
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 12:57pm
I was thinking the same things! I'd totally get car sick if I were to watch something close like a DVD.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2004
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 1:25pm
So, you're telling us that car-sickness, which is a form of vertigo caused by the brain not being able to process the visual cues of space NOT moving, with the inner ear cues of motion, is ALLEVIATED by sending a different form of conflicting cues to the brain?

Karen

"A pocketknife is like a melody;
sharp in some places,
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 1:39pm
I get car sick. My mother always gets car sick. Short distances. I figure hereditary. I've tried everything. I can't myself read or look a ta map even going slow for short distances. I'd puke in a heartbeat. The baby watches the tv. We put on a favorite show or dvd like blues clues. Travel, short or long, has been so much better since the installation of the dvds in the suvs.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 1:42pm
Then why does my baby sit in mine or my husband's lap & watch the whole blues clues? Would you like to tell me it doesn't happen when I see it every day? Yes. I've tried everything. I get car sick. I've caused myself to puke by riding in the back with the baby trying to do things, entertain so the baby won't puke. So much fun when we both are doing it at the same time & my hubby has to pull over to take care of the two green ones in the back. Well, it works like a charm. She will still puke on occasion but way less than before. We were surprised but elated. With the upcoming move & the long road trip ahead, you better believe we will be playing it the entire trip.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 1:42pm
My hubby has no issues to tv like some of you women here do. Neither do I.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 1:43pm
Yes, he is. No, he is doesn't in his family.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 1:44pm
We thought the dvd player would make it worse. We rode with a friend a few times & discovered it was working. So we got one installed in each of our suvs. We would rather not use car sickness medicine for around town. We do on longer trips.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 1:44pm
How close do you think it is? Right in the baby's face?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2003
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 1:45pm
That last sentence made no sense. What were you trying to say?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2003
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 1:47pm
No. I'm picturing it mounted as in the minivans or even closer if it's a portable dvd.

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