When did structure become a bad thing?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
When did structure become a bad thing?
1698
Fri, 07-30-2004 - 8:19am
I am reading the thread about freewheeling nannies below and I hafta say, I just don't get this whole no structure thing. My kids have always thrived on structure. THey liked the predictablity of when things were going to happen. Sure, it has not been a problem to deviate, but what I am reading in some posts is that no structure at all seems to be looked on as optimal, while imposing structure to a child's life is viewed as bad parenting.

We used to live next door to a "no structure" family. The kids ran wild in the neighborhood, the mom never planned dinner so lord only knows if and when the kids ate. Sorry, I don't think that's a good way to live. My kids know we eat dinner at 6:30, so they have to be home.

I can see taht you wouldn't demand that an infant go to bed and wake up at precisely the same time, but is there ever a time to impose structure on a child? So lets say you are the freewheeling type and have always doen things whenever. What happens when you send your child to school where the bell rings at the same time every day?

As far as activities, I realize all kids are different, but when my kids were little, if we just did whatever, whenever, my kids woudl end up grumpy and overtired. My experience is that if say, we were at the beach and I say, oh heck, let's just stay later, the kids woudl be happy at first, but by the days end I would end up with whiny, overtired kids.

Maybe I'm just misinterpreting what I am reading, but I personally think structure is a good thing. When children are small, the structure includes naptimes, mealtimes, etc. As they get older it evolves into boundaries like "be home at 6 for dinner" or "you can't go into soemones house without telling me first". I couldn't imagine living without structure or boundaries for my kids.

Susan

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 1:47pm
It is him that doesn't think he should interefere with family decisions unless the family wants to talk to him. Then is all happy to talk to them. He isn't going to offer up that kind of advice. I agree. As a mother, I wouldn't listen to a ped tell me how I should be raising my child on tv issues, toy issues, video games. Those are the parent's department. He does not bring up tv viewing unless the parents want to discuss it. We have always talked about that. Since we are a huge tv family.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 1:48pm
He graduated at the top of his class.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 1:51pm
Sole reason? Where in the he// did you get that nonsense? He is a father & wants to watch tv & play with his baby. So he does. We are a big tv family. We watch tv together any time we are home, it is on. We watch it while we are walking on the treadmill & stair stepper down in the gym. Good grief woman. What is your problem. He didn't watch clifford until he became a father. Ugh, some people! lol
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 1:52pm
Not portable. We had it installed. That is why we put one in each suv, can't move it from one to the other.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 1:52pm
Gross. I don't even want to think about what was in those pills you gave your poor infant/toddler. And please don't tell me it was all herbs and lord-knows-what. We all know what the FDA has to say about them anyway.

I'd take an in-car DVD player over pills to an infant anyday. <>

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2003
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 1:52pm
So do you also not puke while watching the TV?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 1:54pm
I don't know where you are going with this question. Like to enlighten me? My husband has no problems with tv at all. Is that what you want to know? He thinks all parents should deal with this issue as they see fit. If you are like us, don't have a problem, not causing the child behavior problems or other problems go for it. If it is or you have issues then limit it. Parenting decision for mom & dad.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 1:56pm
That is what my husband & I say. We don't go in for herbs & organic stuff.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2003
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 1:56pm
>>Yes. I've tried everything. I get car sick. I've caused myself to puke by riding in the back with the baby trying to do things, entertain so the baby won't puke.<<

I meant have you tried everything for your DD, not you. She's only a year old so you haven't had that long to look into other methods of alleviating her car sickness.

And does the magical DVD work just for your DD or does it work for you as well?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 1:57pm
I would absolutely do the same thing. I hate to see infants suffer when the solutions are so easy and harmless.

A cousin woh and had to be out of the house by 8 am. She had her 6 wk-old in front of Baby Einstein videos so she could get herself showered and out of the house. It "worked" and you do what "works" if it is agreeable with your philosophies.

What alternative is there for a carsick baby but to stay at home and never leave the house!! That sounds really healthy for child and mother, not.

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