When did structure become a bad thing?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
When did structure become a bad thing?
1698
Fri, 07-30-2004 - 8:19am
I am reading the thread about freewheeling nannies below and I hafta say, I just don't get this whole no structure thing. My kids have always thrived on structure. THey liked the predictablity of when things were going to happen. Sure, it has not been a problem to deviate, but what I am reading in some posts is that no structure at all seems to be looked on as optimal, while imposing structure to a child's life is viewed as bad parenting.

We used to live next door to a "no structure" family. The kids ran wild in the neighborhood, the mom never planned dinner so lord only knows if and when the kids ate. Sorry, I don't think that's a good way to live. My kids know we eat dinner at 6:30, so they have to be home.

I can see taht you wouldn't demand that an infant go to bed and wake up at precisely the same time, but is there ever a time to impose structure on a child? So lets say you are the freewheeling type and have always doen things whenever. What happens when you send your child to school where the bell rings at the same time every day?

As far as activities, I realize all kids are different, but when my kids were little, if we just did whatever, whenever, my kids woudl end up grumpy and overtired. My experience is that if say, we were at the beach and I say, oh heck, let's just stay later, the kids woudl be happy at first, but by the days end I would end up with whiny, overtired kids.

Maybe I'm just misinterpreting what I am reading, but I personally think structure is a good thing. When children are small, the structure includes naptimes, mealtimes, etc. As they get older it evolves into boundaries like "be home at 6 for dinner" or "you can't go into soemones house without telling me first". I couldn't imagine living without structure or boundaries for my kids.

Susan

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 1:57pm
I have found to my suprise it helps so much. I couldn't imagine it. I kept thinking all along there is no way I could ride & watch tv. I can't check a road map for my hubby unless he pulls over. But I have found I puke less.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 1:58pm
I replied to that. Everything. For my baby. For me over the years. My baby is a year old, yes. She has never rode good. She would throw up as a small baby every time we get in to ride. Miserable! I find it helps me puke much less.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2003
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 2:00pm
That's where we differ. As a mother, I would not see a pediatrician who feels that it's not his place to discuss such issues as toys, tv, and video games. IMO, your dh is doing his patients a disservice by not addressing those issues.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 2:00pm
That is how we feel. We had a year of misery. I can sympathize since I get car sick just thinking about riding. I could run to the bathroom, ugh! My parents don't live here so we have to travel to see them. When we move we will have to travel back here to see my sister & husband's parents, so that will be a long trip. Moving is not going to be fun.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2003
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 2:00pm
I am surprised.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2003
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 2:01pm
Yeah - why go for NATURAL things when you can stick their faces in front of an ARTIFICIAL stimuli like a TV screen and they can zone their little brains right out.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 2:01pm
He will address them if the parents want him to address them. He doesn't offer them up as just part of the checkup. I'd not see a pediatrician who did.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 2:02pm

I just found my mom's copy of Emotional Intelligence last night!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 2:03pm
Sounds wonderful. We go to a wonderful pediatrician whom I researched with the AMA and found to be Bd. Cert., currently on the teaching staff at a medical college and voted a favorite by other pediatrician/colleagues in a Who's Who type directory.

We use a pediatrician for medical issues only. If we needed someone to hold our hand and tell us how much tv to watch and what the definition of junk food is, then I guess we'd research psychiatrists.

My pediatrician gives well-baby check-ups, immunizations and exams for medical problems that pop up. For anything else, we see a specialist. We do not ask our pediatrician to tell us things we already know.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 2:04pm
My husband would not recommend herbs for his patients & especially not his wife & child. We don't use any kind of herbs or take any kind of herbal rememdies/meds. We don't buy organic. Not for the same reasons. Just because we don't. Unlike you, we don't have a problem with tv viewing any time, any place.

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