When did structure become a bad thing?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
When did structure become a bad thing?
1698
Fri, 07-30-2004 - 8:19am
I am reading the thread about freewheeling nannies below and I hafta say, I just don't get this whole no structure thing. My kids have always thrived on structure. THey liked the predictablity of when things were going to happen. Sure, it has not been a problem to deviate, but what I am reading in some posts is that no structure at all seems to be looked on as optimal, while imposing structure to a child's life is viewed as bad parenting.

We used to live next door to a "no structure" family. The kids ran wild in the neighborhood, the mom never planned dinner so lord only knows if and when the kids ate. Sorry, I don't think that's a good way to live. My kids know we eat dinner at 6:30, so they have to be home.

I can see taht you wouldn't demand that an infant go to bed and wake up at precisely the same time, but is there ever a time to impose structure on a child? So lets say you are the freewheeling type and have always doen things whenever. What happens when you send your child to school where the bell rings at the same time every day?

As far as activities, I realize all kids are different, but when my kids were little, if we just did whatever, whenever, my kids woudl end up grumpy and overtired. My experience is that if say, we were at the beach and I say, oh heck, let's just stay later, the kids woudl be happy at first, but by the days end I would end up with whiny, overtired kids.

Maybe I'm just misinterpreting what I am reading, but I personally think structure is a good thing. When children are small, the structure includes naptimes, mealtimes, etc. As they get older it evolves into boundaries like "be home at 6 for dinner" or "you can't go into soemones house without telling me first". I couldn't imagine living without structure or boundaries for my kids.

Susan

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 2:11pm
Would you actually give your infant a pill? Especially something as uncertain as a "homeopathic" remedy? Infants aren't even supposed to take pharmacy prepared, dr.-prescribed antibiotics, though it is common enough nowadays. I'd be interested to learn if a licensed pharmacist even prepares homeopathic pills. What kind of company even throws the unknowns into these pills? Yikes.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2003
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 2:14pm
I'll tell you why your posts are bothering me. As someone who also works in health care, I find it offensive that someone with an MD will not counsel patients on issues that are obviously associated with *health* such as video games and TV viewing. It's like a cardiologist not asking his patients about smoking and exercising!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 2:14pm
Ita. My husband has been asked to teach. I'd love that. He is thinking about it!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 2:16pm
He will if asked. Did you miss that part? He doesn't unless asked. Period.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2003
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 2:16pm
But a lot of times, the ones who DON'T ask are the ones with the problem!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 2:17pm
He should. I won't go to a dr. before I've researched him in the AMA directory and then the Who's Who where the drs. recommend a colleague. I also won't go to a dr. who's not also doing some teaching because I need someone arguably current with what's going on. It's important.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 2:18pm

"If we needed someone to hold our hand and tell us how much tv to watch and what the definition of junk food is, then I guess we'd research psychiatrists."


Parents who value a pediatrician who discusses more than physical wellbeing are clinically insane or neurotic or otherwise mentally ill?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2003
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 2:19pm


Oh, really? who says? If your infant has a bacterial pneumonia, will you refuse antibiotics?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 2:19pm
I agree! Dh feels that way about who he & I see. We are currently researching for our upcoming move. We both went & had our physicals here so we'd have time. My look, I'll end up with strep the first week so I better find somebody before we go.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2003
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 2:20pm
see post #816

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