When did structure become a bad thing?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
When did structure become a bad thing?
1698
Fri, 07-30-2004 - 8:19am
I am reading the thread about freewheeling nannies below and I hafta say, I just don't get this whole no structure thing. My kids have always thrived on structure. THey liked the predictablity of when things were going to happen. Sure, it has not been a problem to deviate, but what I am reading in some posts is that no structure at all seems to be looked on as optimal, while imposing structure to a child's life is viewed as bad parenting.

We used to live next door to a "no structure" family. The kids ran wild in the neighborhood, the mom never planned dinner so lord only knows if and when the kids ate. Sorry, I don't think that's a good way to live. My kids know we eat dinner at 6:30, so they have to be home.

I can see taht you wouldn't demand that an infant go to bed and wake up at precisely the same time, but is there ever a time to impose structure on a child? So lets say you are the freewheeling type and have always doen things whenever. What happens when you send your child to school where the bell rings at the same time every day?

As far as activities, I realize all kids are different, but when my kids were little, if we just did whatever, whenever, my kids woudl end up grumpy and overtired. My experience is that if say, we were at the beach and I say, oh heck, let's just stay later, the kids woudl be happy at first, but by the days end I would end up with whiny, overtired kids.

Maybe I'm just misinterpreting what I am reading, but I personally think structure is a good thing. When children are small, the structure includes naptimes, mealtimes, etc. As they get older it evolves into boundaries like "be home at 6 for dinner" or "you can't go into soemones house without telling me first". I couldn't imagine living without structure or boundaries for my kids.

Susan

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 2:30pm
That she's probably a lot better informed on this topic that you are?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 2:31pm
Did your DH graduate from a U.S. or foreign medical school?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 2:32pm
Where do you get all of your childrearing information, then? The internet?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 2:32pm
Oh, is Audrey a dr. too?

So now being married to a dr. means you're "someone in the medical field." Do you see any logic in that?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2003
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 2:33pm
>>The absolute best drs. have little bedside manners whatsoever.<<

Totally disagree.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 2:34pm
USA. Neither of us have ever been abroad. Don't care to travel abroad either. No real reason, just not an interest we have for us.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2003
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 2:36pm
It's nuts and insecure to talk to your ped about more than just your child's physical well being? Are you for real?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 2:37pm
I look to mom, mil, my sister, sil, friends for advice. I read. I participate on some good boards where I can ask questions, read info, hear other's advice & take on things. Then being married to a pediatrician is wonderful. Yes, before being asked a stupid question, he & I talk often about things he has studied, learned, knows from talking to colleagues, etc.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 2:37pm
Um, yes.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2003
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 2:38pm
Exactly! And often they don't ask because they don't want to hear the answer and actually have to change their lifestyle.

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