When did structure become a bad thing?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
When did structure become a bad thing?
1698
Fri, 07-30-2004 - 8:19am
I am reading the thread about freewheeling nannies below and I hafta say, I just don't get this whole no structure thing. My kids have always thrived on structure. THey liked the predictablity of when things were going to happen. Sure, it has not been a problem to deviate, but what I am reading in some posts is that no structure at all seems to be looked on as optimal, while imposing structure to a child's life is viewed as bad parenting.

We used to live next door to a "no structure" family. The kids ran wild in the neighborhood, the mom never planned dinner so lord only knows if and when the kids ate. Sorry, I don't think that's a good way to live. My kids know we eat dinner at 6:30, so they have to be home.

I can see taht you wouldn't demand that an infant go to bed and wake up at precisely the same time, but is there ever a time to impose structure on a child? So lets say you are the freewheeling type and have always doen things whenever. What happens when you send your child to school where the bell rings at the same time every day?

As far as activities, I realize all kids are different, but when my kids were little, if we just did whatever, whenever, my kids woudl end up grumpy and overtired. My experience is that if say, we were at the beach and I say, oh heck, let's just stay later, the kids woudl be happy at first, but by the days end I would end up with whiny, overtired kids.

Maybe I'm just misinterpreting what I am reading, but I personally think structure is a good thing. When children are small, the structure includes naptimes, mealtimes, etc. As they get older it evolves into boundaries like "be home at 6 for dinner" or "you can't go into soemones house without telling me first". I couldn't imagine living without structure or boundaries for my kids.

Susan

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 2:39pm
So you're willing to ask family members, who aren't pediatricians?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 2:48pm
Mostly my mom and dad and a little from DH's mom and dad. Also, from experience - nothing educates you like staying home 24/7 with your first. I've found invaluable the insights from other moms in La Leche and our mother's groups over the yrs. I have some great relatives with lots of children and good advice. I weigh it all. I use my powers of thought and common sense.

I'm proud to say I've only read 1 "childrearing" book. Books are unreliable IMO. The book concerned Sleep - by Ferber.

Do you ask your OB/GYN how many candles to light for a romantic dinner or whether oysters are truly an aphrodisiac?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 2:53pm
Oh really? LOL. Well, let me clarify that if you want information about mezzanine financing, high-yield bonds, M&A, corp. governance and bankruptcy restructuring, please don't ask me. Thanks!
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2003
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 2:55pm
>>Do you ask your OB/GYN how many candles to light for a romantic dinner or whether oysters are truly an aphrodisiac?<<

No, but I did talk to her about how to increase my sex drive and frequency of orgasms. That's not related to my physical well being.

Guess I'm nuts and insane for talking to my OB/GYN about this rather than a psychiatrist . . .


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 2:59pm

My mother put me to sleep on my stomach as a newborn.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2003
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 3:01pm
You are wrong. The "best" doctors are the ones who can combine medical expertise, good technical skills, excellent bedside manner, and compassion. A doctor who can diagnose a strep throat and treat it with antibiotics but misses that the kid is being abused at home or that he is failing in school is a crappy doctor.

I can't speak for all medical schools but at least the one that I went to (and I went to a pretty good one), the ones who got the top marks did have good bedside manners.
Avatar for laurenmom2boys
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 3:02pm
<> That's a load of donkey dust. You can have wonderful bedside manners and still be a fantastic Dr. Our boys' pediatrician is a fantastic dr and has a great bedside manner. She's wonderful with the kids as well as the parents.

DH is known for not only being a great dentist, but also having a very comforting and friendly chairside manner.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 3:02pm
I was being facetious. Look up the word if you are confused.

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2003
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 3:02pm
Do you think the insurance company will reimburse for that?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 3:03pm
My response was directly to her. I dont see how that can be generalizing.

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

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