When did structure become a bad thing?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
When did structure become a bad thing?
1698
Fri, 07-30-2004 - 8:19am
I am reading the thread about freewheeling nannies below and I hafta say, I just don't get this whole no structure thing. My kids have always thrived on structure. THey liked the predictablity of when things were going to happen. Sure, it has not been a problem to deviate, but what I am reading in some posts is that no structure at all seems to be looked on as optimal, while imposing structure to a child's life is viewed as bad parenting.

We used to live next door to a "no structure" family. The kids ran wild in the neighborhood, the mom never planned dinner so lord only knows if and when the kids ate. Sorry, I don't think that's a good way to live. My kids know we eat dinner at 6:30, so they have to be home.

I can see taht you wouldn't demand that an infant go to bed and wake up at precisely the same time, but is there ever a time to impose structure on a child? So lets say you are the freewheeling type and have always doen things whenever. What happens when you send your child to school where the bell rings at the same time every day?

As far as activities, I realize all kids are different, but when my kids were little, if we just did whatever, whenever, my kids woudl end up grumpy and overtired. My experience is that if say, we were at the beach and I say, oh heck, let's just stay later, the kids woudl be happy at first, but by the days end I would end up with whiny, overtired kids.

Maybe I'm just misinterpreting what I am reading, but I personally think structure is a good thing. When children are small, the structure includes naptimes, mealtimes, etc. As they get older it evolves into boundaries like "be home at 6 for dinner" or "you can't go into soemones house without telling me first". I couldn't imagine living without structure or boundaries for my kids.

Susan

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2003
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 3:05pm
It's alright. I'm getting a little kick out of seeing her make a fool of herself.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2003
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 3:07pm
Um. yes, I am.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 3:14pm
Yep and we all know the FDA never gives out bad advice....Phen phen ring a bell.~Lisa
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 3:16pm
Now there's a shocker.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 3:18pm
Okay I've been thinking about this. And this isnt just directed at you. But lets look at this more objectively.

First of all, you and others who are outraged that anyone *dare* question your health habits-part of participating in a debate board is having your thoughts, ideals and values challenged. The idea behind debating is, for some, learning to think about ALL sides of an issue. When someone posts a thought or view that is generally considered outrageous or highly unusual, they are going to be called to defend it and explain it. So far, I havent seen any real defense other than lots of cries of *no fair* and *why do you care what we do*, etc.

If someone came to the board and said *We dont use carseats because we think the studies done are ridculous and they are unnecessary*, what would your response be? If a smoker came to the board and said *what is the big deal about smoking? Everyone *I* know smokes, there is nothing wrong with it.* what would you say?

As far as the subject at hand, which really for me is less about the whole tv thing and more about this thought that one doesnt *have* to exercise, eat right and use their brain to be healthy-this country's health is in a state of EXTREME crisis. While Paige's health habits might not direclty affect my family's life, her attitude affects us ALL. People are out there getting gastric bypass surgery like its the latest *fad*. Obesity is being declared a *medical condition* and insurance is now paying for these surgeries. There are so many PREVENTABLE illnesses out there that people go under the knife for EVERY DAY. And obesity is only part of it-there are a myriad of other health problems that go with not eating properly or exercising regularly. That means insurance rates are going to continue to rise and things like life insurance are going to be more difficult to pay for. I feel that we have a responsibility to teach our children proper health habits, so that we can hopefully get this problem under control for future generations.

dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 3:29pm

Again. . .moderation is important here. . .balance between sources.

Virgo
 
Avatar for laurenmom2boys
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 3:43pm
So, what was her answer?
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2003
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 3:54pm
Want me to email you? :)

I wouldn't want to offend some delicate ears on the board.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2003
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 3:57pm
Great post.
Avatar for laurenmom2boys
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 3:59pm
Absolutely! Try e-mailing me through ivillage. If that doesn't work, you can get my e-mail address from PNJ, pumpkinangel or Melissa (if you have any of theirs).

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