When did structure become a bad thing?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
When did structure become a bad thing?
1698
Fri, 07-30-2004 - 8:19am
I am reading the thread about freewheeling nannies below and I hafta say, I just don't get this whole no structure thing. My kids have always thrived on structure. THey liked the predictablity of when things were going to happen. Sure, it has not been a problem to deviate, but what I am reading in some posts is that no structure at all seems to be looked on as optimal, while imposing structure to a child's life is viewed as bad parenting.

We used to live next door to a "no structure" family. The kids ran wild in the neighborhood, the mom never planned dinner so lord only knows if and when the kids ate. Sorry, I don't think that's a good way to live. My kids know we eat dinner at 6:30, so they have to be home.

I can see taht you wouldn't demand that an infant go to bed and wake up at precisely the same time, but is there ever a time to impose structure on a child? So lets say you are the freewheeling type and have always doen things whenever. What happens when you send your child to school where the bell rings at the same time every day?

As far as activities, I realize all kids are different, but when my kids were little, if we just did whatever, whenever, my kids woudl end up grumpy and overtired. My experience is that if say, we were at the beach and I say, oh heck, let's just stay later, the kids woudl be happy at first, but by the days end I would end up with whiny, overtired kids.

Maybe I'm just misinterpreting what I am reading, but I personally think structure is a good thing. When children are small, the structure includes naptimes, mealtimes, etc. As they get older it evolves into boundaries like "be home at 6 for dinner" or "you can't go into soemones house without telling me first". I couldn't imagine living without structure or boundaries for my kids.

Susan

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 4:00pm
No, no, we're all interested!!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 4:07pm
The true irony is that coconutpalms doesn't want to take the time away from her child to WOH FT - but watches TV for endless hours!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2003
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 4:15pm
I'll send you one too . . . it was pretty good advice. May not work for everyone, but helped me. :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 4:18pm
No, I wouldn't ask a peds advice on tv. I wouldn't be offended. I just have my own views & would go with instinct. Naturally my hubby & I discuss parenting issues. We also value our parents, siblings, friends who are parents, what their opinions are on things.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 4:20pm
We are talking tv discussions. Good grief! My hubby has great bedside manners. He is well loved by his little patients. He loves kids. The whole reason he went into pediatric medicine. It was a hard decision between ped & ob. But he knew where his heart is more. With the children.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 4:21pm
OH, I know what the word means. I also think I know what you were doing even though you won't dare admit it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 4:24pm
OK. Let us start with that I'm not outraged. How could I be when I don't give a crap what you think about our tv & eating habits?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 4:28pm
I WOHPT now. A big reason I'll be SAH in a few weeks is because I want more play time with my baby (yes, we will be doing a myriad of different things that won't be limited but won't exclude television viewing). The other reason is we will no longer be living near family so I will have no childcare that I desire for my child. My mil is our sitter. I could hire a sitter to come in to the house but we opted that I just stay home. I don't need to WOH part or fulltime. It is just blowing money. I'm willing to give that up for a few years. We also want to have a few more children & get started on that once we are settled in the new house & adjusted to our new surroundings.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 4:32pm
Wow, what an insightful and intelligent response. And what a way to completely miss the point.

dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 4:34pm
Wont dare admit what? I have been pretty upfront from the getgo regarding my opinions in relation to this thread. I certainly am not hiding anything.

dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

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