When did structure become a bad thing?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
When did structure become a bad thing?
1698
Fri, 07-30-2004 - 8:19am
I am reading the thread about freewheeling nannies below and I hafta say, I just don't get this whole no structure thing. My kids have always thrived on structure. THey liked the predictablity of when things were going to happen. Sure, it has not been a problem to deviate, but what I am reading in some posts is that no structure at all seems to be looked on as optimal, while imposing structure to a child's life is viewed as bad parenting.

We used to live next door to a "no structure" family. The kids ran wild in the neighborhood, the mom never planned dinner so lord only knows if and when the kids ate. Sorry, I don't think that's a good way to live. My kids know we eat dinner at 6:30, so they have to be home.

I can see taht you wouldn't demand that an infant go to bed and wake up at precisely the same time, but is there ever a time to impose structure on a child? So lets say you are the freewheeling type and have always doen things whenever. What happens when you send your child to school where the bell rings at the same time every day?

As far as activities, I realize all kids are different, but when my kids were little, if we just did whatever, whenever, my kids woudl end up grumpy and overtired. My experience is that if say, we were at the beach and I say, oh heck, let's just stay later, the kids woudl be happy at first, but by the days end I would end up with whiny, overtired kids.

Maybe I'm just misinterpreting what I am reading, but I personally think structure is a good thing. When children are small, the structure includes naptimes, mealtimes, etc. As they get older it evolves into boundaries like "be home at 6 for dinner" or "you can't go into soemones house without telling me first". I couldn't imagine living without structure or boundaries for my kids.

Susan

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 6:41pm
I don't believe you meant to address this question to me. . . .
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 6:46pm
I think you mistake "cowardice" for "respect for his patients."
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 6:46pm
I guess my question then would be, why exactly do you not see it as a problem? Can you give some credence to your position? I explained WHY I feel the way I do about things like diet and exercise and limiting tv. Can you explain WHY you feel the way you do? Do you feel that exercising helps negate the potential health risks of eating an unhealthy diet? Do you think that the studies done regarding tv watching are incorrect? Where does your opinion/belief come from?

Also, you didnt answer my question as to what would you say if someone took this position on something like carseats or smoking.

And how do you feel about the health problems plaguing our country today?

Any real responses or debate? Or are your just going to keep stomping those feet and insisting you dont care what anyone thinks, lol? Rest assured, no one on this board really takes it to heart for the most part, so none of us care too deeply what people here think.

dj


Edited 8/17/2004 6:53 pm ET ET by djknappsak

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

Avatar for myshkamouse
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 6:50pm
Well, I think that's wrong. Our Ped. offered up information we didnt ask for, but that we found *very* helpful and wouldnt have otherwise known. Such as limiting time in their activity centers, and not using walkers. I think watching too much TV is in line with these developmental tips.

MM

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 6:58pm
Nope.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 6:59pm
My hubby doesn't agree. I don't agree. I'd fire a pediatrician & find another quickly if they wanted to get into personal things without any just reason for doing it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 7:02pm
I've never once stomped my feet. You are wrong about that. I have no reason to stomp them. I say what I mean, I give you the facts, deal with it. I don't see what we are doing on the tv subject as any harm. I don't see harm in tv & I really think all those reports about excessive viewing, no tv under 2, etc are pretty much blubber. Yes, I do feel as much as I exercise, as much as my hubby does that does alleviate the worries so we can eat what & when we want. I exercised more before I had a baby, now I don't get to do nearly what I was use to doing. I think car seats & smoking are far more serious issues.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 7:10pm
You think car seats and smoking are more serious, yet type 2 diabetes is quickly become the number one nutritional problem for children today. Do you think that health and nutrition just arent that important in the grand scheme of things?

Why do you think that the reports and recommendations from the AAP are invalid? Do you have other information or links to articles that show otherwise? I dont necessarily buy into the *no tv under 2* theory, but I have read up a lot on how television watching affects brain activity and hard wiring development, and I certainly wouldnt say that the reports and studies are completely without merit (or *blubber*, as you put it). I have yet to come across any information that heavily discounts the research that has been done.

Funny, you say that you see smoking as a more serious issue, but it wasnt all that long ago that people had NO IDEA about the health risks of smoking. And when the studies started coming out about how bad it was, a lot of people said it was just a bunch of *blubber*.


dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 7:19pm
Your husband doesn't agree with findings that too much time in activity centers/walkers has been linked with hip displacement problems and motor development delays in young children?

Virgo

Virgo
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 7:22pm
AMEN, DJ. . .I totally agree with EVERYTHING you said.

Virgo

Virgo
 

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