When did structure become a bad thing?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
When did structure become a bad thing?
1698
Fri, 07-30-2004 - 8:19am
I am reading the thread about freewheeling nannies below and I hafta say, I just don't get this whole no structure thing. My kids have always thrived on structure. THey liked the predictablity of when things were going to happen. Sure, it has not been a problem to deviate, but what I am reading in some posts is that no structure at all seems to be looked on as optimal, while imposing structure to a child's life is viewed as bad parenting.

We used to live next door to a "no structure" family. The kids ran wild in the neighborhood, the mom never planned dinner so lord only knows if and when the kids ate. Sorry, I don't think that's a good way to live. My kids know we eat dinner at 6:30, so they have to be home.

I can see taht you wouldn't demand that an infant go to bed and wake up at precisely the same time, but is there ever a time to impose structure on a child? So lets say you are the freewheeling type and have always doen things whenever. What happens when you send your child to school where the bell rings at the same time every day?

As far as activities, I realize all kids are different, but when my kids were little, if we just did whatever, whenever, my kids woudl end up grumpy and overtired. My experience is that if say, we were at the beach and I say, oh heck, let's just stay later, the kids woudl be happy at first, but by the days end I would end up with whiny, overtired kids.

Maybe I'm just misinterpreting what I am reading, but I personally think structure is a good thing. When children are small, the structure includes naptimes, mealtimes, etc. As they get older it evolves into boundaries like "be home at 6 for dinner" or "you can't go into soemones house without telling me first". I couldn't imagine living without structure or boundaries for my kids.

Susan

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2003
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 8:53pm
Great Post.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 9:15pm
My cardiologist smoked cigars and was wayyy overweight. He was the only dr. in 17 yrs. - i.e., 17 yrs of pathetic, lousy pediatricians - who discovered my heart problem which required surgical correction.

Smoking and exercise have much to do with heart health. Videogames and tv are only arguably related to eyestrain - no definite connnection to poor eyesight according to the "studies" and not a huge health issue - by far - compared to smoking and exercise. Vidoes and tv are related to avoidance of homework and failure to reach one's IQ. Without more, they are merely a parental issue and any parent who needs a dr. to tell her that her child is playing too many videogames and watching too much tv likely already knew that. Or is an idiot.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 9:25pm
You are so transparent! We've almost reached the end of this debate. Everyone's torn Paige to shreds. Now, you take the time away from your work or your children or whatever to post a grand summary of what has already been rehashed over and over.

What other purpose in this summary than to incite ill will and attack CCP? Could you get anymore catty?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 9:31pm
Irony? No, now you're starting to sound a little jealous which is something I would never, ever attribute to you in that you've always seemed genuinely happy in your situation.

Jealous because what difference does it make if CCP watches unlimited tv and then chooses to sah? As you know, children are incapable of sitting in front of the tv from breakfast to nighttime 7 days a week. Sah will require a lot of work on the part of CCP. I just can't fathom the reason for your insult.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 9:35pm
I should've read your post early. DJK is so transparent. I see it too!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 9:40pm
So telling them wouldn't make a difference anyway!! You're silly if you think the parent who allows her teen to sit in front of the tv for 6 hrs is going to change a thing when she leaves the office of an overreaching dr.

Now if you're talking a serious medical health issue, then that would be important to investigate. But in no way is tv watching a medical health issue. At worst it causes eye strain. The real problems - avoidance of doing any intellectual exercises such as homework, board games, interraction with parents/siblings - are wholly within the realm of parenting problems.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 9:40pm

Just a note. . .pediatricians are doctors who specialize in the treatment of children.

Virgo
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 9:43pm

Excessive TV time, in conjunction with poor nutrition and a sedentary lifestyle (and the three are

Virgo
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 9:50pm
No..."OMG." If a pediatrician asked me those questions, I'd cut her off right quick. No way are most of those questions pertinent to a well-child exam or any medical problem my children may have.

And if a pediatrician asked if a teen-aged DD of mine had sex, I'd tell him to screw himself. Pervert. That is completely a parenting/child issue. I'll be the one to raise that issue well before the time comes and if that's what pediatricians nowadays will ask my girls when they become teens, maybe I better accompany them into their visits. Is that what your DH asks teenaged girls completely unsolicited? OMG.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 9:54pm
Nope. You know who detected my heart problem? A GP doing 100s of school physicals one day. All it takes is a good ear. That's the minimum I expect of a pediatrician. Apparently some (or at least one out there, LOL) wastes too much of his time harassing his patients about videogames and tv.

I don't know about black or white. I just know what are medical problems and what are parenting problems.

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