When did structure become a bad thing?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
When did structure become a bad thing?
1698
Fri, 07-30-2004 - 8:19am
I am reading the thread about freewheeling nannies below and I hafta say, I just don't get this whole no structure thing. My kids have always thrived on structure. THey liked the predictablity of when things were going to happen. Sure, it has not been a problem to deviate, but what I am reading in some posts is that no structure at all seems to be looked on as optimal, while imposing structure to a child's life is viewed as bad parenting.

We used to live next door to a "no structure" family. The kids ran wild in the neighborhood, the mom never planned dinner so lord only knows if and when the kids ate. Sorry, I don't think that's a good way to live. My kids know we eat dinner at 6:30, so they have to be home.

I can see taht you wouldn't demand that an infant go to bed and wake up at precisely the same time, but is there ever a time to impose structure on a child? So lets say you are the freewheeling type and have always doen things whenever. What happens when you send your child to school where the bell rings at the same time every day?

As far as activities, I realize all kids are different, but when my kids were little, if we just did whatever, whenever, my kids woudl end up grumpy and overtired. My experience is that if say, we were at the beach and I say, oh heck, let's just stay later, the kids woudl be happy at first, but by the days end I would end up with whiny, overtired kids.

Maybe I'm just misinterpreting what I am reading, but I personally think structure is a good thing. When children are small, the structure includes naptimes, mealtimes, etc. As they get older it evolves into boundaries like "be home at 6 for dinner" or "you can't go into soemones house without telling me first". I couldn't imagine living without structure or boundaries for my kids.

Susan

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 10:16pm
No, not if there's no evidence whatsoever of an STD upon physical exam or upon a patient's questioning.

I don't mind a dr's discussing STDs, the warnings, how to prevent. Fine. But whether or not my own sweet girls are having sex is not the concern of a medical professional.

What does the sexual act have to do with medicine or health? I was never asked that by a pediatrician and I hope to God no dr. ever invades my child's privacy that way.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 10:21pm
How so? Is my folly in not putting drs. on a pedestal? I was never, ever one to do that. Or, is it that I'm supposed to be more persuaded by your pearls of wisdom in this thread because you're a dr? Because frankly, I don't want a dr. who wastes so much time on a message board. When I worked, I never had time for this. Do you realize how often you post here? Please say you're staying home to raise your child(ren) and you take time away from them, and not your patients.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 10:31pm
I don't mean to insult, but from your words here concerning pediatricians and your notions of good doctoring, I think I'll stick with the way I go about researching and evaluating drs. if you don't mind.

About the top schools, I went to an Ivy League undergrad and then a top NY law school - NYU Law School. One thing I gleaned from working in Manhattan is that most of the best attys went to the state or smaller private undergrad and law schools. I felt I was actually an exception because I was a hard worker, though I wasn't the Best in the firms I worked at, and that the country-club attys with their beemers could be counted on to pass the buck and pad their billable hours.

One of the best anesthesiologists I know wanted with every fiber of his being to become a dr., wasn't very good with standardized test so went to Guadelajara (sp?). He now operates out of Montefiore (NY) specializing in pediatric anesthesiology and even I would entrust him with my babes, he's that good.

Unlike your cursory slam of drs., I have a whole, set, thorough review and analysis of what constitutes a top dr. I'm sorry, but wasting so much time on an internet message board that has nothing whatsoever to do with medicine...is not one of my criterion. Perhaps you are not currently working or only post during off hours. I sure hope that's the case.


Edited 8/17/2004 11:12 pm ET ET by luvthebabes

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 10:34pm
Sorry, pharmacy-prepared is the term I used in my first posts on this subject. Thanks for catching that.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 10:38pm

Obviously you are unaware of the fact that some STDs have few, if any, physical symptoms and often go undiagnosed in situations where a doctor is unaware of the sexual activity of the patient. . .especially in females.


I've been asked by doctors (I never had a pediatrician only as a child) about sexual activity (whether or not I was sexually active, # of partners, protection) but not about the sexual act (favorite position or whether or not I was satisfied with the experience.)

Virgo
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2003
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 10:38pm
Tell me you are joking. If not you are in for some serious heartbreak. Believe it or not many girls, if not most, will not alert their dear mums that they have become sexually active. Once a person is sexually active they should start receiving pap smears and gynelogical test yearly.

My daughters ped and I have already discussed our future approach to her check-ups, no mom--period, and my daughter is already given the opportunity to ask me to step out of the room if she has some questions for her ped that she doesn't want me to hear. BTW she is only 7. She has not asked me to leave yet, but when the time comes I will happily entrust her to her pediatrician if she doesn't feel like she can come to me.

Of course, in an ideal world she will feel like she can come to me...BUT life is not ideal and I will be darned if I am going to leave something like my child's sexual health up to a "I hope she comes to me". I think a doctor not asking about sexual activity is malpractice.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 10:46pm
Or you can "get over yourself" and accept that questions about sex should be asked by an OB/GYN. I'm not so naive as to think my girls will come to me. I hope they do. However, if some pediatrician asked them these questions outside of my presence, I'd hope my girls will tell me and then I'll give the man a call and tell him what I think.

Do you see nothing untoward in a male pediatrician asking a young girl about sex when he knows she already sees an OB/GYN?

And BTW few STDs have no symptoms in women. Some do. But performing a pap smear is better done by one who does them routinely - my girls' OB/GYN.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 10:54pm
The expertise of a pediatrician is so limited, there's no way he's competent to perform a pap smear. OB/GYNs perform so many on a daily or weekly basis, why would you go to a pediatrician so he could use your girls as guinea pigs?

Just a few wks ago, a pediatrician wanted to yank apart an adhesion on my baby boy's penis! I promptly stopped the ghoulish barbarian (there's often 1 of the pediatricians in a practice that no one likes), and got a referral from a different pediatrician to a top pediatric urologist. The urologist correctly determined no procedure was necessary, my guy is in completely good health!

Pediatricians have a very limited area of expertise - one of them is definitely not circumsions - the OB/GYN performs them and urologists correct them if necessary.

There is a danger when pediatricians or any dr. overreaches, even if it's into the parent's realm as well, such as videogames, violence on tv or even sex. They have enough to worry about with reading the latest, perhaps publishing, hopefully teaching, medical and health issues.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 11:02pm

Do you realize that some children only see a GP, not a pediatrician and that some female children only see a pediatrician. . .not an OB/GYN AND a pediatrician?


If you plan to have a pediatrician and an OB/GYN for your daughters. . .fine.

Virgo
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2003
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 11:02pm
Sorry you see that as a doctor "overreaching." I see that as doing his/her job.

Would you rather a doctor wait until the excessive TV watching becomes a serious medical problem? Wait until the child is grossly overweight? Addicted to cigarettes? Has poor cardiovascular fitness?

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