When did structure become a bad thing?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
When did structure become a bad thing?
1698
Fri, 07-30-2004 - 8:19am
I am reading the thread about freewheeling nannies below and I hafta say, I just don't get this whole no structure thing. My kids have always thrived on structure. THey liked the predictablity of when things were going to happen. Sure, it has not been a problem to deviate, but what I am reading in some posts is that no structure at all seems to be looked on as optimal, while imposing structure to a child's life is viewed as bad parenting.

We used to live next door to a "no structure" family. The kids ran wild in the neighborhood, the mom never planned dinner so lord only knows if and when the kids ate. Sorry, I don't think that's a good way to live. My kids know we eat dinner at 6:30, so they have to be home.

I can see taht you wouldn't demand that an infant go to bed and wake up at precisely the same time, but is there ever a time to impose structure on a child? So lets say you are the freewheeling type and have always doen things whenever. What happens when you send your child to school where the bell rings at the same time every day?

As far as activities, I realize all kids are different, but when my kids were little, if we just did whatever, whenever, my kids woudl end up grumpy and overtired. My experience is that if say, we were at the beach and I say, oh heck, let's just stay later, the kids woudl be happy at first, but by the days end I would end up with whiny, overtired kids.

Maybe I'm just misinterpreting what I am reading, but I personally think structure is a good thing. When children are small, the structure includes naptimes, mealtimes, etc. As they get older it evolves into boundaries like "be home at 6 for dinner" or "you can't go into soemones house without telling me first". I couldn't imagine living without structure or boundaries for my kids.

Susan

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 11:05pm

Sounds as if you just have issues with GPs and pediatricians. . .


While pediatricians may have limited knowledge in some areas. . .it's sure a hell of a lot more than I have when it comes to medicine.

Virgo

Virgo
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2004
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 11:08pm
maybe it's just me, but isn't "slug" just a tad bit strong -- even for a family that doesn't do alot of exercise?

eileen

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2003
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 11:16pm
If I felt anything untoward about my ped I would never see him or her. Get real, if I thought there was any thing suspect about my child's doctor I would pull my kid from that practice in an instant.

I did not realize your daughters were old enough to already be seeing an ob/gyn. I will rely on my ped's advice as to when that is necessary.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 11:21pm
OMG, please, please, please tell me you would not advocate daily pills to an infant or 1 yr-old when something so harmless is available! <>

Since you're apparently so impressed with yourself, why haven't you told me in all of your ramblings what kind of dr. you are and how lovely it is that your employment allows so much internet time?

Why don't you fill out your user profile in case one of your patients or partners or employer wants to see your personal info?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 11:23pm
Also, interestingly enough. . .my son was referred to a urologist by his pediatrician for adhesions.
Virgo
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 11:24pm
Oh, boy, so watching tv now causes addiction to smoking and heart problems? I like drs to treat only medical and health concerns. I like parents to resolve parental problems.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 11:32pm

I think the 'problem' here lies in what is defined as harmless and what isn't. . .


If a baby or one year old can't go for even short distances without getting car sick, there is obviously something medical going on.

Virgo
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 08-18-2004 - 12:35am
Where on earth do you get *catty* out of my post? And I wasnt re-hashing anything, I was simply clarifying things, and actually trying to explain why people were responding to Paige and coconut like they did-myself included. And no one *tore paige to shreds*. She did that to herself by repeatedly posting inconsistant statements (not just in this thread either). Posting inconsistencies on this board WILL get people questioning you and questioning you hard.

I tried to give some clear and REAL reasons for my beliefs in regards to this issue, rather than just *this is how we live our lives and we dont care what you think*.

Do you even comprehend what a debate is?

If there is something you disagree with in my post, DEBATE it. REFUTE it. Explain why I am wrong. Why else are you on a debate board for goodness sake.

dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2003
Wed, 08-18-2004 - 12:35am
>>Oh, boy, so watching tv now causes addiction to smoking and heart problems?<<

Like I said, *excessive* tv watching can cause these things. Do a little research if you don't believe it.

>>I like drs to treat only medical and health concerns. I like parents to resolve parental problems.<<

Me too. But some parents (i.e. those who let their child watch 6 hours of TV a day, as in your example) are ignorant as to what is best for their children and need a little guidance.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2004
Wed, 08-18-2004 - 2:05am
Just jumping in here.

Regarding the tv thing.....

My dh is dyslexic. He watches tv, mostly documentaries, TLC, Discovery channel, etc. That's his way of getting information. Reading is work so he never reads the paper, magazines, books, etc. I used to think it was excessive, but for him it works. Fine.

I work in elementary schools. It's easy to pick out the kids who watch endless amounts of tv. Most don't like to be active, and are usually obssessed with a certain show/video game. They spend their lunch hour huddled in a corner with a game boy instead of playing. Everything they talk about, write about, dream about, is tv/video games. They panic when the power goes out. One child that I had last year was so addicted it was almost creepy. He could NOT entertain himself without something electronic in front of him.

TV for my own child? Yes, I limit it. I have learned that he's like dh (has an ld) so he'll likely watch as much as dh when he's older. I don't limit so much when it's educational (like discovery channel), as I do when it's fluff. What I do want is for him to be active, and the only way to accomplish that is to be active myself. So I turn off the tv and we both go outside. I am not a tv watcher, if ds and dh would let me, I could go without one altogether. Instead of the x-box or whatever, we spent the cash on roller blades, a bike, and outside toys.

Everything in moderation, I say....

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