When did structure become a bad thing?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
When did structure become a bad thing?
1698
Fri, 07-30-2004 - 8:19am
I am reading the thread about freewheeling nannies below and I hafta say, I just don't get this whole no structure thing. My kids have always thrived on structure. THey liked the predictablity of when things were going to happen. Sure, it has not been a problem to deviate, but what I am reading in some posts is that no structure at all seems to be looked on as optimal, while imposing structure to a child's life is viewed as bad parenting.

We used to live next door to a "no structure" family. The kids ran wild in the neighborhood, the mom never planned dinner so lord only knows if and when the kids ate. Sorry, I don't think that's a good way to live. My kids know we eat dinner at 6:30, so they have to be home.

I can see taht you wouldn't demand that an infant go to bed and wake up at precisely the same time, but is there ever a time to impose structure on a child? So lets say you are the freewheeling type and have always doen things whenever. What happens when you send your child to school where the bell rings at the same time every day?

As far as activities, I realize all kids are different, but when my kids were little, if we just did whatever, whenever, my kids woudl end up grumpy and overtired. My experience is that if say, we were at the beach and I say, oh heck, let's just stay later, the kids woudl be happy at first, but by the days end I would end up with whiny, overtired kids.

Maybe I'm just misinterpreting what I am reading, but I personally think structure is a good thing. When children are small, the structure includes naptimes, mealtimes, etc. As they get older it evolves into boundaries like "be home at 6 for dinner" or "you can't go into soemones house without telling me first". I couldn't imagine living without structure or boundaries for my kids.

Susan

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Avatar for outside_the_box_mom
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 08-18-2004 - 4:42am
The way I see it, I would be a terribly lazy and bad mother if I had let my DS watch unlimited TV before or after two. The whole point of being home was so I could *interact* with my child. Not stick him in front of the "boob tube." When I was home with him during his toddler and preschool years, we went out -- just about every day.

It's one reason my DS was able to do so well in preschool. His teacher once commented to me, "I can tell DS has a rich home life. He's one of my few students who can use all areas of the preschool room. You can always tell which children watch too much TV. They don't know how to do imaginative play and they are lost in the room."

Even now that he's older, I take him out, whether it's apple picking or going to the zoo. The world is too big and too rich to simply stay at home watching TV. I don't need a study or a ped recommendation to know TV is simply not good -- in the same way that car seats are good and smoking is bad. It doesn't take a brain surgeon to figure those things out . . . or perhaps it does.

TV cuts down on imaginative play, art, and social skills. TV is on in restuarants, in doctor's offices, in hospitals, in airports. TV is everywhere -- the drone is incessent in the ear.

One of the things I learned living alone for seven years is how to live peacefully in a world of . . . silence. Not many can do it, but once you learn how, you are never alone. That is a *gift* I am trying to instill in my child. If I do so, I will have considered my job 50% complete.

outside_the_box_mom

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
Wed, 08-18-2004 - 6:33am
It's not a logical conclusion if the post about medical school comes 1/2 hr after I ask my question. I was in the car with 3 children at that point too.

That's your contribution to the discussion?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 08-18-2004 - 7:12am
The fda is not God, besides the medicine was only taken rarely and it helped. Have you seen the list of side effects on the average prescription medication? You're fooling yourself if you think they are all perfectly safe just because the fda has "reviewed" them.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 08-18-2004 - 7:14am
Ditto with prescription drugs. Did that escape your attention? Apparently so.~Lisa
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 08-18-2004 - 7:18am
<> Are you serious???? That seems rather rhetorical to me.~Lisa
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
Wed, 08-18-2004 - 7:24am
Where I'm from in CT, pediatricians don't perform the circumcisions. There was no way I was going to let this pediatrician use a gloved fingernail to do it and cause my baby pain. (I like and respect 3 of the 4 pediatricians in this practice, but this one always seems available for unplanned visits.) Why did the urologist un-do the adhesion? We were told it will re-occur over the yrs until he (and it, LOL) grows.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 08-18-2004 - 8:02am
"The expertise of a pediatrician is so limited, there's no way he's competent to perform a pap smear." OMG, I am LMAO. A well-trained monkey would probably be competent to perform a Pap smear. It's not exactly rocket science. GPs do them all the time and pediatricians have more schooling than they do. And of course pediatricians will be asking and informing your teen daughters about sex and STDs, that's absolutely their job. You being in the room will at some point be interfering with your daughter's right to doctor/patient privilege.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2004
Wed, 08-18-2004 - 8:06am
LOL...since when is ephedra recommended as an anti-nauseant? Since when has ANYONE recommended the use of weight-loss stimulants in controlling motion sickness?

Y'know, just because one type of herbal supplement has been banned doesn't mean that ALL herbal supplements everywhere are ineffective and dangerous.

Karen

"A pocketknife is like a melody;
sharp in some places,
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2004
Wed, 08-18-2004 - 8:10am
yes. You can usually tell which posts are my contribution because they have my name attached in the "From:" field. Don't sweat it, eventually you'll get the hang of it.

Karen

"A pocketknife is like a melody;
sharp in some places,
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2004
Wed, 08-18-2004 - 8:30am
...point taken. However, let's just say that I would PREFER it to be a man -- as it's been a very, very long time, LOL.

eileen

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