When did structure become a bad thing?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
When did structure become a bad thing?
1698
Fri, 07-30-2004 - 8:19am
I am reading the thread about freewheeling nannies below and I hafta say, I just don't get this whole no structure thing. My kids have always thrived on structure. THey liked the predictablity of when things were going to happen. Sure, it has not been a problem to deviate, but what I am reading in some posts is that no structure at all seems to be looked on as optimal, while imposing structure to a child's life is viewed as bad parenting.

We used to live next door to a "no structure" family. The kids ran wild in the neighborhood, the mom never planned dinner so lord only knows if and when the kids ate. Sorry, I don't think that's a good way to live. My kids know we eat dinner at 6:30, so they have to be home.

I can see taht you wouldn't demand that an infant go to bed and wake up at precisely the same time, but is there ever a time to impose structure on a child? So lets say you are the freewheeling type and have always doen things whenever. What happens when you send your child to school where the bell rings at the same time every day?

As far as activities, I realize all kids are different, but when my kids were little, if we just did whatever, whenever, my kids woudl end up grumpy and overtired. My experience is that if say, we were at the beach and I say, oh heck, let's just stay later, the kids woudl be happy at first, but by the days end I would end up with whiny, overtired kids.

Maybe I'm just misinterpreting what I am reading, but I personally think structure is a good thing. When children are small, the structure includes naptimes, mealtimes, etc. As they get older it evolves into boundaries like "be home at 6 for dinner" or "you can't go into soemones house without telling me first". I couldn't imagine living without structure or boundaries for my kids.

Susan

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 08-18-2004 - 9:41am
Of course it is, Virgo.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 08-18-2004 - 9:43am
How would your dds' gyn know whether or not to discuss birth control methods, unless the gyn knew your dds' sexual history?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 08-18-2004 - 9:44am
Doctors are not allowed breaks?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 08-18-2004 - 9:45am
Good for you.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 08-18-2004 - 9:47am
I think you're pretty uptight sexually if you think a ped asking about sexual issues is a pervert. We know you have trust issues - I hope you're working on those.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 08-18-2004 - 9:51am
Yes, yes, yes.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 08-18-2004 - 10:51am
Your implication that whether your children are "sweet girls" is a factor in their susceptibility to STDs or pregnancy is ignorant and downright dangerous (as well as extremely offensive to the many very sweet people who have found that out the hard way). This is precisely why certain information ought to be provided by unbiased trained professionals, not just biased and potentially ignorant parents.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2004
Wed, 08-18-2004 - 10:56am
Then how can you claim your cardiologist "...was the only dr. in 17 yrs. - i.e., 17 yrs of pathetic, lousy pediatricians - who discovered my heart problem...."?

Note, the word "DISCOVERED" above...not diagnosed--DISCOVERED. The ONLY doctor who DISCOVERED your heart problem.

So.....maybe if you wrote your stories down on 3x5 cards, you'd be better able to keep track of all the fictions you write here.

Karen

"A pocketknife is like a melody;
sharp in some places,
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2004
Wed, 08-18-2004 - 11:04am
No, there's NOTHING "untoward" about a doctor asking perfectly legitimate and appropriate questions about health. In fact, failure to do so could easily end badly; for instance, the pediatrician who fails to ask a female patient if she's on birth control and subsequently prescribes antibiotics, could easily end up with a pregnant patient, since antibiotics reduce the effectiveness of birth control pills.

Karen

"A pocketknife is like a melody;
sharp in some places,
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2003
Wed, 08-18-2004 - 11:06am
You should educate yourself on STDs. Many show no symptoms in women, especially the more common ones like chlamydia and gonorrhea.

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