When did structure become a bad thing?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
When did structure become a bad thing?
1698
Fri, 07-30-2004 - 8:19am
I am reading the thread about freewheeling nannies below and I hafta say, I just don't get this whole no structure thing. My kids have always thrived on structure. THey liked the predictablity of when things were going to happen. Sure, it has not been a problem to deviate, but what I am reading in some posts is that no structure at all seems to be looked on as optimal, while imposing structure to a child's life is viewed as bad parenting.

We used to live next door to a "no structure" family. The kids ran wild in the neighborhood, the mom never planned dinner so lord only knows if and when the kids ate. Sorry, I don't think that's a good way to live. My kids know we eat dinner at 6:30, so they have to be home.

I can see taht you wouldn't demand that an infant go to bed and wake up at precisely the same time, but is there ever a time to impose structure on a child? So lets say you are the freewheeling type and have always doen things whenever. What happens when you send your child to school where the bell rings at the same time every day?

As far as activities, I realize all kids are different, but when my kids were little, if we just did whatever, whenever, my kids woudl end up grumpy and overtired. My experience is that if say, we were at the beach and I say, oh heck, let's just stay later, the kids woudl be happy at first, but by the days end I would end up with whiny, overtired kids.

Maybe I'm just misinterpreting what I am reading, but I personally think structure is a good thing. When children are small, the structure includes naptimes, mealtimes, etc. As they get older it evolves into boundaries like "be home at 6 for dinner" or "you can't go into soemones house without telling me first". I couldn't imagine living without structure or boundaries for my kids.

Susan

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2004
Wed, 08-18-2004 - 3:49pm
thanks for the chuckle...the "rough" time includes having 2 dates each with a different man this week and one on sunday and hopefully one on saturday too....I'm actually enjoying being a free-wheeling single!

it's just that i haven't been intimate with ANYONE in a long, long time, LOL! I hope i remember how when the time is right!

eileen

Avatar for sleepy916
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Wed, 08-18-2004 - 4:11pm
I asked my GYN when my dd should start going to get pap smears. Her answer was 1. When she was sexually active or 2. When she turned 18. Whichever was first. How it the Ped to know to refer your dd to a GYN unless she asks if she is sexually active? And, for some STDs there would be no "evidence" upon a regular exam by a ped. since he doesn't do a pelvic exam.

Tracy

Photobucket
Avatar for sleepy916
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Wed, 08-18-2004 - 4:19pm
But the teenage girl wouldn't already be seeing an OB/GYN unless she is 18 years old.
Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 08-18-2004 - 4:27pm
And for other STDs (such as herpes), you're not going to get "evidence" upon even a pelvic exam unless the patient happens to be having a flareup, so you need to be able to inquire about sexual activity even to have a hope of giving the patient useful information.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 08-18-2004 - 4:29pm
"What teenage girl is going to volunteer that information?" Esp. if her mother insists on sitting in the room to prevent the pediatrician from asking any questions about her daughter's sexual history!
Avatar for sleepy916
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Wed, 08-18-2004 - 4:45pm
Which is exactly why I now wait in the waiting room. Unless the doctor needs me to come in for some reason. My dd is 15. I don't "think" my dd is having sex. At least I hope not, but I have told her that if she is, I would want her to tell me. Or her Aunt (who is only 10 years older than her) so that we can help her to be safe about it. I got pregnant with her when I was 18 and I do NOT want that to happen to her.

Tracy

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
Wed, 08-18-2004 - 5:06pm
You must feel that your method of doctoring is best and you're entitled. And I am entitled to disagree without you making the snide comment, "I'm getting a little kick out of seeing her make a fool of herself."

And I am also entitled to the opinion that a good dr. who is working hard with her patients and is teaching at a respected medical college and is publishing could not possibly have time to post on a frivolous message board as frequently as you do. That's my opinion and I would not have aired it had you not been so uncivil.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
Wed, 08-18-2004 - 5:13pm
I really hope the "So What's for Dinner Tonight?" thread has made you realize why you have come across as catty. Hopefully Paige and CCP will come back because I always enjoy their posts, as I do yours.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 08-18-2004 - 5:13pm

Color me confused. I thought I had been following closely and Audrey was a research doctor. I could be wrong..Lord knows I thought Cyducks had been married.


"I do not want to be a princess! I want to be myself"

Mallory (age 3)

      &nbs

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
Wed, 08-18-2004 - 5:17pm
<> Me: Because he was.

<> Me: Do you think I just wandered into a specialist's office off the street? Are you suggesting I'm lying about something here? Because I just don't see what you've contributed to this discussion at all except to throw in silly, tired things like "3x5 card" and soon I guess "the pot and the kettle" thing.

Pages