When did structure become a bad thing?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
When did structure become a bad thing?
1698
Fri, 07-30-2004 - 8:19am
I am reading the thread about freewheeling nannies below and I hafta say, I just don't get this whole no structure thing. My kids have always thrived on structure. THey liked the predictablity of when things were going to happen. Sure, it has not been a problem to deviate, but what I am reading in some posts is that no structure at all seems to be looked on as optimal, while imposing structure to a child's life is viewed as bad parenting.

We used to live next door to a "no structure" family. The kids ran wild in the neighborhood, the mom never planned dinner so lord only knows if and when the kids ate. Sorry, I don't think that's a good way to live. My kids know we eat dinner at 6:30, so they have to be home.

I can see taht you wouldn't demand that an infant go to bed and wake up at precisely the same time, but is there ever a time to impose structure on a child? So lets say you are the freewheeling type and have always doen things whenever. What happens when you send your child to school where the bell rings at the same time every day?

As far as activities, I realize all kids are different, but when my kids were little, if we just did whatever, whenever, my kids woudl end up grumpy and overtired. My experience is that if say, we were at the beach and I say, oh heck, let's just stay later, the kids woudl be happy at first, but by the days end I would end up with whiny, overtired kids.

Maybe I'm just misinterpreting what I am reading, but I personally think structure is a good thing. When children are small, the structure includes naptimes, mealtimes, etc. As they get older it evolves into boundaries like "be home at 6 for dinner" or "you can't go into soemones house without telling me first". I couldn't imagine living without structure or boundaries for my kids.

Susan

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
Wed, 08-18-2004 - 5:52pm
Yes, you need to be more clear. I'm just too dense. ARe you suggesting I didn't have a heart problem?
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
Wed, 08-18-2004 - 5:54pm
I tried to get across that my sweet girls needn't be questioned about sex by the pediatrician when their OB/GYN should be covering that.

My intention is not to keep them unaware, but rather to tell them some of the rather frightening and unfortunate accounts of girls I've known firsthand who've had unwanted pregnancies and STDs.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
Wed, 08-18-2004 - 5:56pm
Right. If a pediatrician does not do the pelvic, why should he be asking about sex? That's the domain of an OB/GYN.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2004
Wed, 08-18-2004 - 5:57pm
And now we know just how smart someone has to be to be your doctor.

Karen

"A pocketknife is like a melody;
sharp in some places,
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
Wed, 08-18-2004 - 6:01pm
I started seeing a GYN as a teen too. Because my girls likely will too, I'll have to make fully clear that the pediatrician needn't expand his exam to include questions about sexual activity. I wouldn't want him to ask anyway since he's not doing the pelvic. I think the GYN is better qualified to do the pelvic anyway.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
Wed, 08-18-2004 - 6:06pm
<>

You and I have different views of drs. If a pediatrician is not doing the pelvic exam, he needn't inquire into sexual activity and STDs, etc. He's not doing the exam, not doing any testing, is not rendering any opinions. It's a waste. Unless things have changed, my pediatricians, who I admit were probably incompetent, never discussed sex with me. They probably knew of my GYN (I can't remember) It's not part of their job.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
Wed, 08-18-2004 - 6:07pm
That has nothing to do with sex. That has to do with prescribing medication and is called incompetence.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
Wed, 08-18-2004 - 6:14pm
When all else fails, go for a personal attack. So now I'm frigid because I think a pediatrician should do his specialty and an OB/GYN should do her specialty. LOL

<> Yes, I most certainly have trust issues with leaving my 3 children with another childcare provider. I'm in a position to indulge my "issues" and stay home. Are you saying you've never had trust issues when it comes to who cares for your children all day? You'll trust anyone? You never asked for resumes, social security numbers, phone numbers of former employers? Just hired them right there on the spot? It just came down to the interview and how much money they sought? Why didn't you hire a man?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
Wed, 08-18-2004 - 6:17pm
<> That's not for me. I'll only let an OB/GYN perform the pap smear. Why have a GP or pediatrician who does one a wk do it when an OB/GYN does several a day?
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
Wed, 08-18-2004 - 6:19pm
On re-thinking it, I agree sex will come up as a medical/health issue. I only need my girls' GYN discussing it. It's not likely to be within the realm of our pediatrician. I'll see when we get there I guess. My oldest is but 5.

Pages