when you don't HAVE TO

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2006
when you don't HAVE TO
62
Thu, 09-23-2010 - 8:06am

IRL friend i were talking personal things on the phone yesterday.

 

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2009
Thu, 09-23-2010 - 8:24am

I think that it can really depend on the person and on what the situation is.

An example from my own life, during our military years we really didn't have a choice in where we would live. I found that a bit freeing. If I did not like where we were living I made the best of it because I knew I did not have a choice and it was only temporary. Others in the same situation complained the entire time about be "stuck" there.

On the other hand when DH retired and we pretty much had the choice of living anywhere I found that more stressful. What if I didn't like where we chose to live. The fact that we chose it would make it more stressful for me and since one of the things we were looking forward to in his retirement was settling down it was not going to be temporary.

I think that not having a choice can make things easier because then someone does not have to bear the "blame" if they do not like that choice.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2006
Thu, 09-23-2010 - 8:49am

i know somebody whose husband is in the military.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2009
Thu, 09-23-2010 - 8:51am

I don't know....I do know that about seven years ago, DH and I had reached the point financially where we had met our savings goals (no debt, filled up the kids' college accounts and felt like we had enough to retire on comfortably)and both us talked about the liberating feeling it was that we were trult continuing to work in a field that we loved just because we wanted to. But when the big market crash hit a few years back we lost something like 35% of our net worth in about ten minutes, and we had to re-evaluate. Suddenly that feeling of being able to walk away whenever we wanted to was gone, and we felt like we "had" to work another decade in order to retire comfortably. Honestly, it did make me re-evaluate my career goals and change some things, knowing I would be around for another decade. It was good for me to be "hungry" again.

So in a sense, I would say it is "easier" when it is a choice, but that "easy" isn't always good.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2009
Thu, 09-23-2010 - 8:58am

Settle b/c she has to work?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2009
Thu, 09-23-2010 - 9:20am

I'm not sure where you are headed with this, but it made me think of this:



If one is working by choice, and the family

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2006
Thu, 09-23-2010 - 9:30am

perhaps i didn't make myself clear, friend settles for a job because she HAS TO work, it's not necessarily a job she even likes but settles for it because it's what's right for their family and they NEED her income.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2009
Thu, 09-23-2010 - 9:31am
ohhhh, that makes sense.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2009
Thu, 09-23-2010 - 9:44am

Iam sure you were clear,

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2009
Thu, 09-23-2010 - 9:50am

Ask yourself...if something happened where you suddenly had to go to work to support your family, and the only job available was one that you didn't really like, but you had to do it or go on public assistance or something, would your life be harder or easier than it is now?

Because I am not seeing the up side of having to get up and go to work someplace you don't even like to be at vs being able to choose what you will do with your days.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2006
Thu, 09-23-2010 - 10:45am


i would never settle for assistance before taking a job i didn't like, but that's really not my point.

 

Pages