when you don't HAVE TO

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2006
when you don't HAVE TO
62
Thu, 09-23-2010 - 8:06am

IRL friend i were talking personal things on the phone yesterday.

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2006
Tue, 09-28-2010 - 8:35am
perhaps she means it's easier to do something when you have no choice, which is the whole crux of this debate, LOL.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-1998
Mon, 09-27-2010 - 9:02pm

"If you have to do the opposite of what you want to do, you're better off if you really don't have a choice."



Having to do the opposite of what you want to do is the very definition of not having a choice. Not sure why you think there's a difference.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2010
Mon, 09-27-2010 - 6:56pm
yep.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2010
Mon, 09-27-2010 - 6:54pm
Amazing.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2010
Mon, 09-27-2010 - 3:28pm

So why wouldn't those be have to work moms?



It sounds like you agree with women choosing to work as long as the money is not spent on the family but instead spent on themselves for more stuff?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2010
Mon, 09-27-2010 - 3:25pm

Good point.



iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2005
Mon, 09-27-2010 - 2:23pm
Okay, but who's paying for their college?
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2005
Mon, 09-27-2010 - 2:22pm

I agree.

I have no shame in admitting that I have chosen a lifestyle, and subsequent to that choice, I chose a work status that provided the best odds of achieving that lifestyle. For me, the lifestyle was not based on material items, but rather on future opportunities for my children. I wanted one of the best school districts. I wanted a guarantee of college savings. I wanted an incredibly safe neighborhood and a large yard. I wanted to take my children to see the world. I wanted to retire young and help my children with my grandbabies. I chose to have a career because I felt that having two parents with professional careers would increase the chances of being able to provide all of that, and minimize the chances that a worst-case scenario would take it all away. I still want those things, and I still choose to work to maximize our odds.

Perhaps if I had chosen to stay home, we would have achieved all of that and more on my DH's income alone. In fact, I am fairly certain that absent death or disability, we would. But i was not willing to accept that extra risk then, nor am I now, unless I see consequences of my choice that would negate any additional security or additional opportunities my income provides.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2009
Mon, 09-27-2010 - 2:13pm
I have a sudden urge to have your babies.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2009
Mon, 09-27-2010 - 2:13pm
I think you are right, and of course qualified by the choice not to work is also many times a choice not to have the lifestyle that includes being able to put your kids through college.

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