when you don't HAVE TO

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2006
when you don't HAVE TO
62
Thu, 09-23-2010 - 8:06am

IRL friend i were talking personal things on the phone yesterday.

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2010
Thu, 09-23-2010 - 3:05pm

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2010
Thu, 09-23-2010 - 4:05pm

i thought you were new, ah_huh_sure.

lol!! ;)

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2009
Thu, 09-23-2010 - 7:12pm
No.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-1998
Thu, 09-23-2010 - 8:17pm

I don't think it's ever easier to *have* to do something, unless you just don't like freedom. Having many choices and not being able to decide among them is a challenge, but it is not a problem, the way having to work in a bad economy is.



I do understand that certain personality types like to be led from point a to point b and dislike uncertainty, but I think even they would rather have a choice about working than being forced to work at a job they detest.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2005
Sat, 09-25-2010 - 3:33pm

<< is a choice EASIER or HARDER to make or does it make no difference when you know you odn't HAVE TO chose? >>

I've been thinking about this, and I think it depends on what your choice would be if you didn't have to choose.

If what you HAVE to do is the same as what you WANT to do, then it is easier because there is no debate (externally or internally) about what you do. You gotta do what you gotta do, so the fact that it's your preference becomes irrelevant.

However, if there is a disconnect between what we have to do and what we want to do, then things become more complicated. If a mother works when she COULD stay home, people expect her to have a "reason". If a mother stays home when she COULD work, people expect her to have a "reason". That's annoying, IMO. Likewise, a person who wants to stay home but CAN'T stay home or wants to work but CAN'T work is likely to be at least somewhat discontent with their situation. All of these scenarios seems harder to me than a scenario in which you get to do what you prefer and can nip any debate about it with "Well, I have to."





















iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-2010
Sat, 09-25-2010 - 5:10pm
I know a couple of women right now who don't work even though they are in dire financial straits. They have college degrees, are well educated, but have just always said no to working. One just had her home foreclosed on. If you asked them, though, they would tell you they don't have to work. Go figure. I guess its all a matter of perspective.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-04-2009
Sat, 09-25-2010 - 9:59pm
It depends on whether or not you're conflicted about the choice.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2005
Sat, 09-25-2010 - 10:32pm

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What about someone who has no second thoughts about working or staying home but has to do the opposite of what they want? I would think that would be the hardest. But I do agree that if someone is on the fence, not having the choice of working or staying home would make things easier.





















iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2008
Sat, 09-25-2010 - 11:01pm
my question is this, is a choice EASIER or HARDER to make or does it make no difference when you know you odn't HAVE TO chose?





I think it can be both easy and hard. The first time I had a child, I had to WOH. That decision was clear, there was no decision really it was simple to make that decision, but it was hard because it wasn't what I wanted so I struggled to accept it. The second time I was more torn, I had planned to WOH even though I had the option to SAH it didn't seem realistic to quit working, then it became apparent I needed to SAH, but giving up my income was a big deal, so a lot more thought went into that decision, but accepting it was easy once the decision was made because I felt really good about the decision.

"Life is the art of drawing without an eraser."


John W. Gardner





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"The key to good decision making is not knowledge. It is understanding."
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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2006
Sun, 09-26-2010 - 3:33pm

thank you for your perspective.

 

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