when you don't HAVE TO

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2006
when you don't HAVE TO
62
Thu, 09-23-2010 - 8:06am

IRL friend i were talking personal things on the phone yesterday.

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2006
Sun, 09-26-2010 - 3:37pm

i hope i'm just misunderstanding you but, wouldn't the conflict exist if you DIDN'T like what you were doing?

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-04-2009
Sun, 09-26-2010 - 9:26pm

No, doing what you have to obsolves you of a wrong choice because there was no choice.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-04-2009
Sun, 09-26-2010 - 9:29pm
They are not going to feel conflicted because they are doing what they have to.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-04-2009
Sun, 09-26-2010 - 9:33pm

I disagree.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2005
Sun, 09-26-2010 - 11:03pm

<>

You wouldn't feel conflicted, but if it goes against what you want then it can certainly make things feel even more unpleasant. Nobody enjoys being forced to do the opposite of what they want.
Would you feel just fine and dandy about staying at home if was something that you HAD to do for a few years? Would having to stay home suddenly make you feeling that it's not so important for a person to work, or would you retain your convictions and look forward to a time when you could work again?





















iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2005
Mon, 09-27-2010 - 8:05am

I think making the decision is easier when you do not have other options. If you need a job, and only one job is in front of you, you will have fewer doubts/uncertainties/pros and cons to weigh. If I needed to work to support my family, I would have spent less time with my self-doubts and over-analyzing what effect my working had on my family than I actually did when we were in that transition phase.

On the other hand, I have found that when the life I am living is one I chose, it feels much easier to live with those choices and the stresses that go along with it on a daily basis than when I am living with choices I felt obligated to make or powerless to change.

So, decision-making: easier when you have fewer choices.
living: easier when it's what you choose.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2009
Mon, 09-27-2010 - 8:20am

There are been studies done on how having more choices means more stress. Shopping is often used as an example. It was much easier to choose a breakfast cereal when you have six choices than when you have a hundred. The more choices you have the more you stress about whether or not you are making the correct choice.

I find it to be true with me. A couple of years ago I was shopping for a sweater for a present. Going through all the stacks and stacks of sweater turned into a stressful chore, "Maybe there is a better one over there". Now whenever I am in a situation like that I limit myself to finding no more than 6 items that I like that fit the requirements of what I am looking for and choosing the best option from those six. It is highly unlikely that there will be something "over there" that is better than the original six I chose.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2006
Mon, 09-27-2010 - 8:57am

about your SIL, i'm not sure i understand what she resents, did she feel she HAD TO SAH IYO?

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2006
Mon, 09-27-2010 - 9:03am

In essence, having chosen money over more time with your kids.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2009
Mon, 09-27-2010 - 9:27am

I missed this...Iam suprised she even said this. I dont think A lot of WOHM choose to have "more stuff" although i know some do, over spending time with their kids. In "essence" they may not need to work finacially, but choose to because it is what is best for them and thier family unit and would prefer to put more money into future savings, investments. I have neverheard another mother actually say they WOH so they dont have to spend time with their kids.

Some wohms I know admit they prefer not to be home all day with kids doing kid, home, domestic stuff that they prefer to have a career. I can appreciate that and support this.

Then we have the SAHM who refuse to work and struggle each month to make ends met. :/

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