Which came first, the title or the SAHW?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Which came first, the title or the SAHW?
1695
Fri, 12-19-2003 - 9:04am
Last night I attended my husband's work Christmas party. I sat with the CEO, CFO, CTO, COO (Chief operations officer, I didn't know that acronym, I had to ask), Creative Director, Marketing Director and their wives. Near the end of the evening it was just we wives chatting mostly about kids. I made the observation that even though all the wives were intelligent, educated and accomplished women, not a single one (except me), woh. They are all SAHM's.

Any thoughts on why that might be? I have my own opinion but I'd like to hear from everyone else first. Do you think they sah because of their husbands jobs or their husbands have their jobs because the wives stay home? Or doesn't it matter?

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Avatar for outside_the_box_mom
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 12-29-2003 - 4:59pm
Sheesh, people. Cool your jets. It was a post directed squarely at CLW, a person who insists a daycare provider can provide everything a parent can. All I was saying is that sure, a provider can take your child to the park during the hours you work, but wouldn't you rather do that yourself? That is one of the benefits of SAH, at least in my humble opinion. I love the fact that my son says to me, "Mom, remember when . . . .?" I put in a great deal of time doing activities and things when I was a SAH/WAHM; sometimes when I think back to all the things we did, I am amazed. My son has a good mom -- and coming from my background, I can't tell you how happy I am to be able to say that. I have broken the neglect/abuse/alcholic chain.

I'm also not saying that WOHMs don't have memories. Sheesh!

And yes, Annie, a person can earn an income and spend the majority of his/her time with a child. I did it for four years. Now that he's in school FT, I miss those days. And since it's vacation this week, we're going to that park we drove by today and are going to take a very long walk. We're also going to try and make it to the Salem Witch Museum. I *love* doing that stuff -- and am simply *thrilled* that he is old enough to want to do this stuff too.

outside_the_box_mom

Avatar for outside_the_box_mom
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 12-29-2003 - 5:03pm
Excuse me, but didn't we just spend the last year fighting about how different we are?
Avatar for mygriffin
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Mon, 12-29-2003 - 5:50pm
So you don't see why I don't work full time? Well, I'm not surprised by that one bit. We're such polar opposites, I don't think you'll ever see where I'm coming from when it comes to the care of my kids.

I prefer to be with them instead of going to work.

I prefer not to have them daycare.

I prefer time with them over money.

My time at this point is worth far more than any extra money I could bring in. I happen to believe that my spending time with my kids DOES make a difference -- maybe not one I can put in a box and present to you as proof, but that's no matter to me.

There are monumental differences between what's important in your life and in mine.

Avatar for mygriffin
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Registered: 03-28-2003
Mon, 12-29-2003 - 5:57pm
Hello!???
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Mon, 12-29-2003 - 6:32pm
I love this post. Although I am a SAHM, I can totally relate to this.

I get so tired of the way this board seems to always boil down to economics. Am I the only one who is worried that maybe we are ALL too affluent? Even those of us who don't think they are, who are upset because they can't buy Junior the new Gameboy he so desperately desires? My parents didn't have much and I had a wonderful childhood. I think having money is actually creating an obstacle for me and my dh to raise our children the way we want. I cannot believe that people put such value on the things money can buy. Money can buy piano lessons but it doesn't buy musical talent. Money can buy the latest fashions but it doesn't buy a healthy body image. Money can buy children toys and games and gadgets but it doesn't sit on the floor to play them. Money can buy a fancy gift but it doesn't give great hugs.

Some of the happiest people I know are simply unconcerned about money. They are rich, they are poor, they are whatever. They have what they have but it is not who they are.

Thank you for continuing to swim against the tide. Sometimes reading this board can such the joy right out of ya, you know?

Avatar for laurenmom2boys
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Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 12-29-2003 - 6:38pm
Yes! Good post.
Avatar for laurenmom2boys
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 12-29-2003 - 6:43pm
never mind. It's not worth it.


Edited 12/29/2003 8:12:17 PM ET by laurenmom2boys
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Mon, 12-29-2003 - 7:07pm
Sometimes more money is just more money. Little pieces of green paper. A number on a bank statement.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 12-29-2003 - 7:23pm
You bring up a good point,I think...many parents/people may be "capable" of earning more,but choose jobs for other reasons.My dh,for example,is "capable" of making more,but turned down a job making more because the trade -off wasn't one *he* wanted.My neighbor is "capable" of making more than 20-25K a year, but she would rather teach at a parochial school because 1) she likes not having the hassle of ps,and yes,she is certified w/ a master's,and 2)her kids go for free, 3) it is close to her house,and 4)she is religious so it fits her vlaues of a ministry.so to speak.

So,I think many "She sah and now ,look,she doesn't make much" situations are more "She found a job she liked and worked well w/ her life,so she took it".

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 12-29-2003 - 7:42pm
Or they might be capable, but feel that they and/or their family NEEDS something different besides just more money.

dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

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