Which came first, the title or the SAHW?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Which came first, the title or the SAHW?
1695
Fri, 12-19-2003 - 9:04am
Last night I attended my husband's work Christmas party. I sat with the CEO, CFO, CTO, COO (Chief operations officer, I didn't know that acronym, I had to ask), Creative Director, Marketing Director and their wives. Near the end of the evening it was just we wives chatting mostly about kids. I made the observation that even though all the wives were intelligent, educated and accomplished women, not a single one (except me), woh. They are all SAHM's.

Any thoughts on why that might be? I have my own opinion but I'd like to hear from everyone else first. Do you think they sah because of their husbands jobs or their husbands have their jobs because the wives stay home? Or doesn't it matter?

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Avatar for 1969jets
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 12-29-2003 - 8:09pm
That is EXACTLY what you said.

You said "However, sitting home on my butt waiting for them to get home would accomplish little beyond them not bringing their friends to our house."

Sounds exactly like you think all SAHMs are sitting on their butts while their kids find other places to hang out. I am not letting you get away with your "I never said that." nonsense.

Jenna

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-1999
Mon, 12-29-2003 - 8:43pm
Yes, yes, yes! I couldn't agree more with you! C
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 12-29-2003 - 8:44pm
oh, yuck otbm. you need to have a sibling for that boy to bring you down from your euphoria!! LOL. there aint nothin' a little sibling rilvalry cant cure!! ROFLMAO!!!

yeah, im jealous, what of it?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-1999
Mon, 12-29-2003 - 8:57pm
<>

Is it NOT a benefit to my DH to be able to leave the house and work his 12-18 hr day knowing DS is home with his favorite person in the whole wide world? Is it not a benefit that DH doesn't have to worry about who will be present at Chase's parent educator meetings, his meetings w/the speech therapist, taking him to playgroup, and staying home with him when he's sick? DH doesn't EVER have to juggle his schedule or rearrange meetings w/clients b/c he's got me SAH FT to take care of all our son's needs.

How about the overall happiness of our family? How is that not a benefit? I simply wouldn't be happy spending 8 hrs away from DS 5 day a week. Heck, I miss him when he takes a long nap, I can't imagine 40 hrs a week w/o him, I would be miserable. I'm happy at home w/DS, DH is happy working ungodly hours in the job he loves, and DS has the priviledge of growing up in a home with two happy parents who love their respective "jobs" and (thanks to DH's said job) can provide him w/everything his heart desires.

While the benefits of my SAH may not be quantitative to you, they are definitely qualitative to US. Just b/c it isn't a number on a paycheck, or an increased bottom line, doesn't mean it doesn't exist.

C

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 12-29-2003 - 10:52pm
LOL on being a bigger bee-otch. I have to agree, that would be me too. trying to manage a home, kids, and a 40 hr workweek, well that would NOT bode well for our family!! The additional income I could bring in by woh ft would just not be worth the stress on ALL of us. My kids wouldnt be able to do activities, my dh would *have* to do housework (his living nightmare) and *I* would be ten times more exhausted. Nope.

dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Mon, 12-29-2003 - 11:03pm
Most WOHMS are benefitting their families by:

maintaining the home, running errands, cooking more, chauffering the children, freeing up time for their working spouses, being home for repairmen or workers, volunteering at their children's schools, helping children with homework, studying, projects & reports, having time to read to kids, taking the children to the park, beach, museums, library, cleaning the home, some mow (not me, but some do!), being able to stay home with a sick child with minimal juggling a work schedule or appointments

yup. about the only thing i don't do as a wohm is eliminate the childcare expense, but if i did that would be leaving my kids to fend for themselves -- and i don't think alyssa can wheel herself up our driveway, LOL!

eileen

Avatar for cl_annieb67
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 12-29-2003 - 11:19pm

Sheesh woman, why don't you cool your jets?

"There in the sunshine are my highest aspirations. I close my eyes, feel their beauty and follow where they lead."

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2003
Tue, 12-30-2003 - 12:27am
You forgot eliminating a second income to offset child care, lol. Oh, and you didn't list anything else I can't do.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2003
Tue, 12-30-2003 - 12:28am
LOL, Um, I'm not debating EVERYTHING about my decision to WOH. Only whether it benefits my kids NOW. I can debate parts, lol. I haven't brought up benefits to me down the road because I thought we were debating the here and now.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2003
Tue, 12-30-2003 - 12:29am
I don't count my time except in debating and then I compare like.

Edited to add, no I don't count every minute. I don't have to. All that is needed is for me to spend enough minutes interacting with my kids. I know from experience when I was pt and from times I've been off of work that the actual interaction time between me and my kids doesn't go up much when I'm home as compared to when I'm working. What changes is how much I cram into a day. This is at the heart of why time studies find so little difference in parenting done in SAHP and DWP households. Just because you have more time doesn't mean you actually use more time.

I used to have a woman come in and do my hard wood floors once a week (she had baby #2 and decided to SAH, sigh). She could do all the floors inside of 2 hours. It takes me 3 or 4. Does that mean I did more work than her or it just took me longer? I say it means it just took me longer. I think SAH/WOH changes the concentration of how mom spends her time. Applying the theory of limiting returns, productivity can be expected to NOT go up proportionally to the time increase which is what the time studies say.

To truely compare time you'd need to know the percentage of time each mom spends on her kids. I think that WM's spend a higher percentage on their kids because they have less time to start with. Other studies have shown that WM's get less sleep than SAHM's, spend less time on housework, doing hobbies and nurturing their own friendships than SAHM's. What gives isn't my kids.


Edited 12/30/2003 9:18:29 AM ET by cyndluagain

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