Which came first, the title or the SAHW?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Which came first, the title or the SAHW?
1695
Fri, 12-19-2003 - 9:04am
Last night I attended my husband's work Christmas party. I sat with the CEO, CFO, CTO, COO (Chief operations officer, I didn't know that acronym, I had to ask), Creative Director, Marketing Director and their wives. Near the end of the evening it was just we wives chatting mostly about kids. I made the observation that even though all the wives were intelligent, educated and accomplished women, not a single one (except me), woh. They are all SAHM's.

Any thoughts on why that might be? I have my own opinion but I'd like to hear from everyone else first. Do you think they sah because of their husbands jobs or their husbands have their jobs because the wives stay home? Or doesn't it matter?

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Avatar for outside_the_box_mom
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 12-30-2003 - 6:36am
Chanukah was wonderful. My DH gave me a strand of pearls! I started crying. They are so beautiful. DS received HP legos and now my living room floor is covered with them.

How is work going for you? Remember when you were still shuffling around trying to figure out what to do with yourself? Now you're a big bad WOHM!! I am so impressed at how well you are doing.

outside_the_box_mom

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Tue, 12-30-2003 - 8:06am
but in many cases that's a fallacy. Our child care expenses increased almost every single year. Most people think that you don't need care beyond age 5 (as did my dh) -- but for many people the REALITY is that they need before and after care WELL BEYOND age 5. There was no way to juggle before and after care to make this gap go away. as a business owner, dh has to open his shop by 7:30 (first child doesn't leave for school until 7:50, last one at 8:45). First child gets home by 2:25 -- i don't get out before 2:25. Going part-time for me in the district that i'm in was not really a great option for several reasons....i don't live anywhere near the school -- and ONE car accident jams up both major roads, to keep alth insurance i STILL would have to work 3/4 of the time anyway -- therefore i'd still need coverage if i got stuck going home.

My childcare expenses went up each time i added a child...first dc with one child cost me $125 per week, then it was $200 per week (sibling discount) for 2 children, then it was $250 per week for a nanny for 3 children, now our current nanny gets over $400 per week (for a 35 hour week).

the reason we've been able to stay current with our increased expenses is that i continued to work and have had COL raises (and "step" raises) over the last 14 YEARS.

eileen

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Tue, 12-30-2003 - 8:09am
that's one of the reasons we used in-home dc. dc ran $125 per week -- which was $500 per month. We did put our youngest in a center for 1 month until finding a home dc that we liked (we were very comfortable with the center as ds had been there for preschool) -- man, it took me forever to pay off that extra money.

eileen

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 12-30-2003 - 8:30am

Yes, that's why I'm soooo confused. (?)


Maybe you should tell me your Meyers-Briggs type and then we can decide.......

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 12-30-2003 - 8:32am

No problem.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 12-30-2003 - 8:34am
Don't be shocked, but I agree.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2003
Tue, 12-30-2003 - 9:22am
Um, I'm not. I've said repeatedly that sometimes mom can earn enough to make a difference and sometimes she can't. Only she knows for sure which it is. My question is why would a mom who could benefit her kids by working choose not to? If she knows it's a benefit, why not give that benefit to her family?
Avatar for tickmich
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 12-30-2003 - 9:48am
I think many WOHM's balance work/career and family by taking less demanding jobs or more flexible jobs. They certainly consider their families in their career decisions. I think this point is often overlooked.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 12-30-2003 - 9:55am

Ya know otbm..I start reading your posts and I think yeah she's got a point and then you have to throw in some insulting comment about day care.

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Avatar for outside_the_box_mom
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 12-30-2003 - 10:18am
Nah, no Myers-Briggs here. My coach did two different assessments of me a few months ago. Basically, I'm charming, enthusiastic, persuasive, outgoing, inspiring, and optimistic and bring a great deal of value to any situation in which I am involved.

The reason I said I'm not motivated by money is because I'm not. My motivation comes from learning, books, love of knowledge and a high need for recognition (a high salary won't do it). As soon as I saw that on the assessment feedback, everything clicked into place for me with regards to my own personal journey and money. I no longer have a dishonest relationship with money, and now I know how it fits into my life and personal value system. It's very freeing, I must say.

You said once before you could never live my life. But what you have never understood is that I'm working for many of the same goals you are, especially with regards to financial security. I just don't think I'll find them in the corporate sphere nor do I want to get there the "traditional" way. I probably won't get to my financial goals as fast as you, either, because I enjoy taking risks. That is why I left CA to start a new life, opened my own business, had a child "out of wedlock" etc. All were risks but all have paid enormous dividends in terms of personal growth. I wouldn't change a thing on how I got here. For the first time in my life, my path is open, straight, and true. It's a nice feeling.

Peace to you.

outside_the_box_mom



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