Which came first, the title or the SAHW?
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Which came first, the title or the SAHW?
| Fri, 12-19-2003 - 9:04am |
Last night I attended my husband's work Christmas party. I sat with the CEO, CFO, CTO, COO (Chief operations officer, I didn't know that acronym, I had to ask), Creative Director, Marketing Director and their wives. Near the end of the evening it was just we wives chatting mostly about kids. I made the observation that even though all the wives were intelligent, educated and accomplished women, not a single one (except me), woh. They are all SAHM's.
Any thoughts on why that might be? I have my own opinion but I'd like to hear from everyone else first. Do you think they sah because of their husbands jobs or their husbands have their jobs because the wives stay home? Or doesn't it matter?

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Edited 12/30/2003 11:52:44 AM ET by cyndluagain
No, my time with my kids didn't increase/decrease by much based on my work status because it didn't need to. I've always had enough time regardless of my work status.
If your concern is how much fun you have, go for it.
If I could have picked an ideal provider, I would have chosen you or Tinzer. You both sound like wonderful providers. The "stupid Disney movie" comment is a real life scenario. I have stated this already, but I chose one of my providers because she had an ECE degree and a space set up downstairs in her home that was very much like a preschool classroom. She said taught the children colors, their ABCs, and how to count. Well, she never did that. By that time I got to her, I think she was burned out. She sat the kids in front of Disney most of the time. I didn't find out until DS started talking -- when he started talking about all the movies he had seen! Well, he hadn't seen them under my watch!
I get frustrated when I read that children do better in daycare or that daycare providers can provide everything a parent can or that there is no benefit to SAH. In my case, that simply was not true.
outside_the_box_mom
nice math, by the way. a dual income couple works "a combined" 80-120 hours and a single-income couple works "a combined" 40-60 hours--and that means what? a sahp hardly has an "extra" 40-60 hours a week to do yardwork, since she will at some point have to perform some childcare--especially if she's offering her child any of those opportunities to go to the park, museum, library , etc. that you itemized in your last post. wax as poetic as you will about how much your children enjoy running every errand with you, but you can't have it both ways--either your children have x number of additional hours of potential museum time or you are not running the household errands that you itemized as other universal benefits. the commitment a sahp makes to childcare has to be factored into that "combined" time somehow--that is, unless you're arguing that sahps are bon-bon eating slugs or that dual-income couples have 40-60 hours a week of household chores to fit in around their jobs.
just because it isn't as easy to sort out who will sah with a sick child if both parents work doesn't mean that it is always or especially difficult. if *two* parents are willing to organize their work so that they are at least usually available to their children, there are fewer conflicts than if neither does so or even if either one doesn't, and if two parents are commited to this conflicts are likely to be very rare if they occur at all. many dual-income families build the same "slack" into their work lives that having a sahp can provide whether or not both parents are willing to make their children a priority--the "slack" that a family will need *only* if either parent isn't willing to do that. the "slack" isn't inherent nor exclusive to sah; it's pretty darn outrageous to suggest that most dual-income families live without it, just because some sahps have to or choose to cut it for their working spouses.
but that's neither here nor there. the examples that you say represent "slack" merely represent normal life for most families. when what you post *depends* on such complicated disclaimiers as during-normal-workweek-hours-on-nonvacation-weekdays-without-taking-time-off-work-and-without-a-nonparent and during-normal-workweek-hours-on-nonvacation-weekdays-without-taking-time-off-work-and-by-a-parent-and-only-a-parent, you aren't talking about anything meaningful. good dc and good parents offer children very comparable experiences--whether the parents use dc or not.
while you might have listed advantages that fit your own circumstances (because your dh and/or you weren't willing to adjust your work and household situations or habits to suit family life unless you opted out of the workforce entirely), you also listed things that are part-and-parcel of my dual-income family's life--apart from those complicated and meaningless ammendments that require that we maintain inflexible jobs or a bloated sense of self-importance surrounding them, a belief that our children would be shortchanged by making some of their trips to the library with others and hearing books read by others and a host of other extraordinary factors. your examples aren't by any means universal to and they aren't even remotely exclusive to sah; as i said, they reflect normal life for most dual-income families as well as most families with a sahp.
If anyone is buying that load I've got a bridge to sell them. I noticed the poster never woh ft with kids. If it's so effortless I wonder what she's waiting for.
As far as running errands, etc., DH does most of them on his lunch hour or on his way home from work. It doesn't take hours to pick up milk or his shirts from the cleaners. And I have someone come in once a week to clean. We have lots of down time and family time to relax together.
If we need a home repair or service we schedule it for DH's day off or I'll take a day off. No big deal.
I work FT. It's really not a big deal. I've been doing it for nearly 15 years.
Susan
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