Which came first, the title or the SAHW?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Which came first, the title or the SAHW?
1695
Fri, 12-19-2003 - 9:04am
Last night I attended my husband's work Christmas party. I sat with the CEO, CFO, CTO, COO (Chief operations officer, I didn't know that acronym, I had to ask), Creative Director, Marketing Director and their wives. Near the end of the evening it was just we wives chatting mostly about kids. I made the observation that even though all the wives were intelligent, educated and accomplished women, not a single one (except me), woh. They are all SAHM's.

Any thoughts on why that might be? I have my own opinion but I'd like to hear from everyone else first. Do you think they sah because of their husbands jobs or their husbands have their jobs because the wives stay home? Or doesn't it matter?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Wed, 12-31-2003 - 8:35am
Parks are free, and so are most museums, you typically only have to make a donation (Like at the Met the suggested donation is either $5 or $10). If you can't afford it you can go in free. Plus young kids are always free. Most museums have free days and even the Bronx Zoo is free every Wednesday.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 12-31-2003 - 8:37am
Since when does WOH FT mean working all day?

I never have any problems finding time to visit the library, museums or parks and I WOH FT, and have a 2.5 hour commute.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Wed, 12-31-2003 - 8:44am
No, I had no idea that many jobs had those kinds of hours. Almost everyone I know who works can't get home before 7:00 pm. They all have office jobs, most in Manhattan or Stamford, very high powered and require long hours and long commutes.

The exception are the Wall Street Traders who are home at 5:00, but they leave at 5:00 am to be there when the markets open.


Edited 12/31/2003 8:47:35 AM ET by islimshady

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 12-31-2003 - 8:56am
Yes, yes, yes.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 12-31-2003 - 8:59am
You didn't get that before now?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 12-31-2003 - 9:03am
But not everyone works in an office and makes $175K a year and has a horrible commute.

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Avatar for laurenmom2boys
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 12-31-2003 - 9:31am
And why can't the simple things in life, like playing in your own yard be just as fun and/or important? I love the beach, too. We spend as much time at our beach house in the summer as we can. But my kids also have fun at home on their skateboards and bikes.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2003
Wed, 12-31-2003 - 9:37am
It wasn't.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2003
Wed, 12-31-2003 - 9:41am
<<<"When I sah f/t, I took the kids to the beach, a museum or a park almost every day, not just weekends, and we spent hours there. No one could anyone do that after 5:30 or 6:00 every weeknight. To say otherwise is just an insult to anyone's common sense.">>>

this is just more of the same false logic--the same meaningless qualifications. when dh or i sah, we take our kids out to play, usually at a park, usually twice a day; when our kids are at dc they go out to play, usually in the park behind their dcc (one of their favorites even before we learned about the dcc) but regularly also at many of the same other parks we take them to. we take them on museum/zoo/science center-type trips about twice a week during the week (we're not the type to run kids ragged with day-after-day excursions any more than we're the type to run the kids ragged with day-after-day activities such as sports programs); the dc staff take them on museum/zoo/science center-type trips about twice a week. we take them to the library once a week; the dc staff takes them to the library once a week. we do playdates a few times a week; at dc they have daily playdates.

one of the primary requirements we have for our children's dc is that it offer what we consider appropriate experiences--of similar types and frequencies that we provide ourselves when we sah. what our kids do at dc doesn't preclude our doing these things as a family--we still do these same types of things with our kids when they are in dc, and since we all get home around 4:00 throughout the school year and dh and the kids are home all summer there is plenty of time for this--but because they do it at dc they aren't deprived of any of it because we work. you haven’t added a thing to what i already pointed out is the meaningless qualification during-normal-workweek-hours-on-nonvacation-weekdays-without-taking-time-off-work-and-BY-A-PARENT-AND-ONLY-A-PARENT; you’ve only put the emphasis on the portion i put in caps.

sure, what your dh did for you last month can be compared to having a sahp, but it is also far closer to what it is like to have a spouse who does his share of childcare and housework than to a household that has the one or two reluctant parents that would have the conflicts over sick childcare that you described in a recent post. two cooperating, involved parents create a household that is very much like one with a sahp; working only creates a situation that is very different when either or both parents are frequently uninvolved as a result of work demands or by choice.

finally, i can't imagine how your assertion in post 1111 that you're "glad I don't even try to " fits with your repeated claims to know what it's like. how it is that people who've never used dc or spent time as working parents (or ft-dual-income parents, to suit your own very specific focus) cultivate the fantasy that they know more about it than people who have is a mystery to me. whatever drives people to put that kind of effort into creating and advertising such elaborate fantasy worlds is probably not the healthiest impulse.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Wed, 12-31-2003 - 9:45am
don't worry, most people don't live in those areas of CT either -- nor hold those kinds of jobs. dh and i live in New Haven County. we live in a blue-collar, working class town. I'm a teacher and dh co-owns a transmission repair business. My sister works for a local bank and another sister works for an insurance or health insurance company. my mom is a secretary and my dad was a structural engineer (working on helicopters). BIL works for the red cross, SIL works for a major pharmaceutical company. FIL does tech writing and works on a consultation basis. another BIL is a porsche mechanic and yet a 3rd BIL works in computers.

that's about the way it works around here.

eileen

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